would like to know your comments on this one :D?

Question

Let me be..

Let me be your canvas,
Where you can stroke your brushes,
To paint a picture,
Of the life you longed to have.

Let me be your paper,
Write anything you want,
Your wishes, your dreams,
What you feel inside.

Let me be the wall,
For your wonderful abstracts,
For the images,
You want to show the world.

Let me be the tree,
Where you carve your name,
To hold the memories,
Forever in me.

Let me be all these,
To help you from your burdens,
Just do what you want to do,
And I'll humbly wait.


________________________
so how is it?

Answer 1

I think it's as beautiful as this decency chap is obnoxious, but he did make a good point. If he takes off his hat we can see it. Technically not perfect, but the message is special, I love it.

Answer 2

First, I would like to say that I really love your idea. The persona in the poem seems really loving and tender, but not too submissive at the same time. You carry the themes 'life','love', and 'affection' quite well in the wordings you chose.

However, I'd like to advise you to try to recite your poem properly to determine the correct punctuation marks in your poetry pieces. Every line does not necessarily end with a comma (,) and every new line does not necessarily start with a capital letter. Since poem is a short but meaningful piece of art, the flow is very important to get the messages across. For example:

Original:
Let me be all these,
To help you from your burdens,
Just do what you want to do,
And I'll humbly wait.

Edited:
Let me be all these
to help you from your burdens.
Just do what you want to do
and I'll humbly wait.

That aside, the mood and the imagery sets up a warm atmosphere that a love poem should carry. Straight to the point and direct - it's like reading a confession of love but in a way more artistic manner.

Hope to read more from you :D

p.s/
This poem reminds me briefly of my poem entitled 'Painting the Canvas'. Yours is like the happy, reversed version of my dark, heartbreaking one ;) Nice~

Answer 3

What is with these young kiddies?

"Not bad"? "Nice try"? Whaaaat?! Do you guys even know what poetry is?

This was beautiful. So what it if it "flows wierd"? People don't write sonnets and all that crap anymore. They express their feelings with words on a page, or spoken through the air. Get with the times guys. Poe, and Shakespeare are dead, and so are the ridgid rules that followed them.

One suggestion (constructive criticism) would be to always revise your poetry. Like this, there are parts that flow beautifully, then there are some things that probably shouldn't be there/could be said better.

You got game

Answer 4

It is a greatfull effort and a fine start to a great subject, however it flows weirdly, the reader has an emotional pull that is off putting to the point your making.

Answer 5

I liked it. You sound like there is someone special you want to be all that for, or maybe that's what you want to be and are still looking for just the right one to be all that for.
I like it a lot.

Answer 6

I like it alot. Don't wait too long though, you sound special and if theis person does not realize it, move on. Keep writing.

Answer 7

I like a lot. Gave me goose bumps.

Answer 8

I liked 95% of it... I don't know what it is, but I don't like the last line.

Answer 9

This is very fresh and i really loved it.I loved all your words and idea;s you used on here..Nice really nice.

Answer 10

Impressive, very nice indeed!