My husband works away all week home at weekends. Whilst away at night when he goes out for a pint, he switches his phone off. If i get upset he will switch it off all night so he says we dont argue. I dont know which area he works and only allowed his mobilie number, so i no other way of contactin him. When he is home, we get on very well, only thin is we dont have a love life. He says he wants me but sexually never feels like it, it is the way he is. Before we married our sex life was fine.I have tried every trick in the book, he wont go to counsellin cause he says there is nothin wrong, it is the way he is. sex four times in two half years is not a lot with your husband. I asked about an affair, he nows says im parnoid and sick in head and need help. Am i mad?
2007-11-27 20:33:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anne,
You have every right to be concerned. And 4 times sex in 2.5years in a marriage is not a good sign at all. Dont be alarmed, but wee need to face and accept certain realities in life. Please be ready for shocks or disturbing events, and face them, overcome them with courage. I am concerned about you, so, please take care of yourself. There seems to be problems obviously in the relation especially when before wedding the sex life was good. Something must have made him withdraw from you after the wedding. It may be something to do with him, or something to do with you or something to do with another. The chances are that the things are with you or him, or else he would not have told you he wants you, but without sex. So, he is not planning for another relation or separating from you. I think he loves you also. That much is good news. To start with let us thinks so. Let us think also what might have happened after the wedding to change the se life like this. Think all that, list down things if you could. Even if you decide to go to a counsellor, these will help you because they will also ask you all these questions. And think what might have affected the sex life and what changes you could make in those. I think you can save the marriage. First you think back and list down things and then see.. Please take care of yourself amidst all this hurt and worries.. Life is important and still young for you.. Take care..
2007-11-27 21:00:15 · answer #1 · answered by doer 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is nothing wrong with your husband. He is right you are sick in the head and paranoid. Why? Because you do not deal with reality. You live in a world of denial most women live in. Here are some facts you need to know and then maybe you will grow up!!!
1. There is no Santa
2. All men cheat, almost all women cheat
3. Marriage sucks
4. Everyone lies (you even lie to yourself)
5. Life is not fair
Good luck and Happy Holidays. Email me
if you want honest answers from a man that doesn't
lie anymore.
2007-11-28 08:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you afraid of your husband because it sure sounds like you are by letting him walk all over you. How dare he treat you like your an idiot.
Men need sex that's a fact of life and a man will not go without sex for long. If he isn't giving it to you he sure in the hell giving it to someone else. You have to know that's what he is doing,your husband has a girlfriend and you know deep down he does. Just by him getting all defensive when you mention the word affair tells you that it's true. There are alot of good men out here that know how to treat a woman and your husband isn't one of them. He is a bad husband and not to many women would put up with his bullsh.t.
Your husband really has it made he is away all week working and playing around with god only knows who. He doesn't have to worry about you catching him in the act or even you calling him. Tell me what exactly are you getting out of this marriage ? Please don't wait for him to come to you one saturday and say he doesn't love you anymore and he wants a divorce because it's coming. You have been warned about your husband now what are you going to do about it. If your smart you will beat him to the punch by not telling him that you know what he is doing to you. Clean out the bank account and savings if you have it,the day you leave him. Put it in a different bank and don't worry about him because he sure isn't worried about you. If you want to be happy again you need to get away from him. If you want positive proof that he is cheating just go there one night where he is staying unannounced and you will have your proof. Where ever he is drinking after work is where you will find the woman he is with or it's with a co-worker one of the two for sure but which ever one it is with she is spending the nights with him. That's why he isn't interested in sex with you. I'm sorry if this hurts to hear but i think it's better to know and by you asking the question tells me you feel something isn't right. When was the last time he told you he loved you and hugged you for no reason. And when he leaves for work does he kiss you good-by and say I miss you already. My husband does all that and much more and we have been married 28 years.
2007-11-28 05:19:42 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sound exactly like my marriage. He had been having an affair for at least a year. I filed for divorce that day. Re-read you're question to you're self. The sign are hitting you in the head like a two by four. Its not you're fault that he is cheatting ,however it is you're fault if you don't do something about. If you do decide to get a divorce, make sure and get ALL you're ducks in a row and dont tell him, simply have him served. The day he is served is the last day you owe him any answers to his questions. In other words he is no-longer someone you can trust .BE STRONG, don't let him get to you,and never let him see you cry or struggle. You're deserved happiness will come shortly after. Good luck!
2007-11-28 05:15:25 · answer #4 · answered by Maynard Monroe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, i am sorry, by the things you say, you are right to be concerned, as you cant reach him always and sex life is going down...
Be calm, and dont ask him again if he has an affair, bcs he will nver admit that, you know how men are...
You have two choices, in my opinion, keep your self calm with him as nothinh happen, will find our soon what is going on, or , in other hand , say to him this situation can t go on that you dont feel safe and not loved, that he have to change....
For now, in ur place, i would wait until my head get more cold and seen what can happen, then take a decision...
Sorrow are so hard... but you arent teh only one...
Keep positive and smile:) sunshine days will come soon again:)
2007-11-28 04:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by Kinynha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to be concerned. If what you say is true, I believe he cheating. All signs point to that. The lack of sex, attention, him telling you your sick in the head. If he wasn't doing anything why cant you reach him 24/7. The biggest red flag is sex 4 times in over 2 yrs. That is not normal. Id get to the bottom of this. If i were you id be mad as hell, mad enough to do whatever it takes to find out the truth. You deserve to be treated better than you are being treated, and you also deserve to know the truth. good luck hun.
2007-11-28 06:57:11 · answer #6 · answered by deerlady2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating one way or the other. Tell him that if he will not go to counseling with you, you want a divorce!!! I can not understand why you do not know where he is working or an emergency number to have the company get in touch with him in case his mobile phone does not work!!! He is seriously neglecting his duties as a husband. He should be open and honest with you, and NEVER turn off his phone, in the event of any emergency!!!!
There is no way on earth that I would put up with that bullshi#!!!
2007-11-28 04:44:40 · answer #7 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to say this, but he's already left the marrige. there is nothing you can do, and staying is only diluding yourself... when it gets to the point that the phone is off when he goes drinking, and it's turned off (like punishment for you saying you disagree with him) then it's time to cut losses.... bail.... just run and much as it will hurt, dont look back... the longer you stay, the harder it will be for you to leave, and the more it will hurt when he finishes ripping you to shreads.... i wish you all the best luck and hope in the world. you're going to need it.!
2007-11-28 04:56:48 · answer #8 · answered by Rhiannon L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he now says that you need help. Then this is your chance to go for marriage counselling. Go alone at first. And then tell your husband that the counsellor wants to see him too.
Obviously, you marriage is in trouble. And if you don't do something about it now. Then later you might end up getting separated and divorced.
2007-11-28 04:45:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be pissed, sorry but true, If he leaves you no way to contact him, makes excuses as to why that sound ridiculous, then he is hiding something. No matter what he is lying. People always say you are paranoid, it is the way they cover their own guilt. Have you ever tried following him, or finding out where he is staying? I would, cuz honey if he isn't giving it to you, its a damn good chance he is giving it to someone else.
2007-11-28 05:31:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋