How should two people go about forgetting the past and starting over?

Question

My love and I have been through hell and back with each other and both feel that we should just wipe the slate clean and start over, you know.....start new memories to erase the old ones. The problem is, the past always has a way of sneaking up on us and it tries to cause problems. We've both did our share of misbehaving, but we're wiser and more mature now. Nothing would make us happier than acting as if the things that we have dealt with never happened but it is way easier said than done. What are some ways that we can stop ourselves from dwelling on the past. We really love each other and we've both done a lot of growing up. We also have a daughter on the way and we really want to be a loving family. Please help us, what are some ways that you all lost focus on the past?

Answer 1

Tell me you haven't figured it out yet. You can not forget the past.

Also, you are indicating that you can not move on. This is what disturbs me. If you both had done a lot of growing up as you claim you have, you both would have forgiven each other and cast the past wrongs away.

You haven't. Instead, you hold onto the past like a bloody hatchet, just waiting to drive it into each other's foreheads. It's a shame, because now you have a child on the way, which will only serve to complicate matters between you.

I would suggest counselling, because evidently neither one of you is mature enough to deal with the past effectively. It won't be easy, but with the proper guidance, perhaps you two can still have a relationship together.

Answer 2

The past is part of you it helped make you into who you are today. Nothing you can do about the past but learned from it and realize it's made you a better and stronger person then you were back then. If you are talking about cheating that never will go away the memorizes will linger in your head and pop up when you least expect it. A song a word or something someone says to you, it will bring it all right up to the surface. You two need to talk about everything that happened if you don't you two will not make it. You need closure for the old in order to start over new.
There is one very positive thing that is coming your way and that's your baby,if the baby can't get you two to start over and look at each other the way you use to then nothing will. Your baby will keep you so busy you won't have time to think about the past. Your lucky because with the babies help you two will have a future and all new memorizes to think about.

Answer 3

Don't forget about the past but don't dwell on it either use it as a learning tool if either of you feel a past thing is occuring stop and think, you know what the warning signs are if you both do this and know this you can have a chance, next you want to start again so do it, introduce yourself to each other flirt on the phone have fun with it, instead of doing the things you had done before do things you haven't sort of like re-inventing yourselves, date each other as if you have only known each other for a short time, if you want (and I'm talking about the both of you), if you want your partnership and your relationship to continue you will succeed and only the two of you can make that happen.

Answer 4

The past keeps coming up because you or both of you simply do not KNOW HOW to make a relationship work!
It isn't 'easy' BUT...... you can learn HOW to keep the good will and respect in place, even when things get tough, with a little study and practice.
A good relationship is built on just a few simple (tho not always easy) techniques and methods which always start with a solid commitment to being each others most cherished & beloved BEST FRIEND no matter how horrible things get around you.
Once you learn and BECOME a real best friend, dragging up the past to beat each other with will become impossible since you would never do that again to your (now) best friend.
When you decide to have a good relationship start your training here:
http://www.google.com/search?q=relationships&sourceid=navclient-ff&ie=UTF-8&rls=GGGL,GGGL:2006-40,GGGL:en

Answer 5

if its true love u can put it behind u guys. it will be hard a couple of months but u can do it if everything goes find from now. first off talk about it, get it straight and if its meant to be thing your life will go on from there, if not then it will stop.
u both just got to be strong. i know it hurts to think about what has happened but if you want things to work you can do it. just make sure u talk about it so if you have any Q: to ask dont hold it in cuz it will kill u on the long run. & when the past comes up it wont bother u as hard.
the same thing has happened to me. it was gut wrenching. we love each other so much we just took it one day at a time, talked about it and it just went away. its been 6 yrs now and we are still together.

Answer 6

..the baby girl that is coming will give both of you no time at all to think or to actually have the past sneak up on you..through my own experience don't act as if things that both of you have dealt with never happened but accept the fact that it was part of both your lives that you had to go through..it good to hear that both of u loves each other but in order to stop both of you from dwelling on the past is to accept the fact that it has happened and make a vow to yourself and not to your other half..but to yourself not to repeat the same mistakes or the misbehaving that got both of you in the situation in the first place..focus 100% on your coming daughter and you never know what miracles newborn babies brings with them .....

Answer 7

Starting over almost never works. It sounds good on paper but just isn't practical. Someone will remember the hurt and not be able to trust completely. Insecurities will rear their ugly head. Once the love is damaged it is nearly impossible to repair it.

Answer 8

Just make a promise that it is OVER....and unless you can somehow speak of it happily NEVER speak of it again....if you remember something push it out of your mind.....I have been through this....if youa re both commited to starting over DO IT....You can do it

Answer 9

sit ... talk all your dirty dark secrets out... ask for forgiveness... and start over... the moment u are clean of everything negative the past will never creep up on u again {}