Stupid Marital Argument - Who is being unreasonable? How do we stop this madness?

Question

I am coming home for lunch and call wife
Me- I am coming home to make frozen pizza that I bought yesterday
Wife- It's about to expire. I will exchange at shop
M-Don't bother. It is fine
W-Already going to store so no trouble
M-Fine. Fine, we can do your way
W-It's not "my way". It's for your benefit
M-I know it's for my benefit but it's how you want to handle. I don't care
W-Fine. If you don't appreciate it, then I won't be concerned for you anymore
M-You still have to be concerned about me, but I don't care about this
M-Let's not argue. So if I come home, can we be loving?
W-"Whatever". I don't know
M-That's not good enough. We have to get along and not fight over silly things. Can we be loving?
W-Fine, we can do your way
M-So can we be loving?
W-We can do you way
M-So can you say, "I want to be loving"?
W-No, already said we can do your way
M-It's not "my way" if you don't say you want to be loving
W-It's the same, so I am not going to say it

Lot's of good feedback. When I said let's do it "your way", I was trying to avoid a fight and just let her have her way. I also did say that I recognized that she was trying to do something for my benefit, but I don't think I said sorry.
We do have deeper issues, but it's a testament to how difficult they are when we argue over stupid stuff like this. Saying I want to be "loving" for us is saying that I just want to get along and be happy.

Answer 1

LOL

You both are funny. I see you two are both having these silly disagreements out of a misunderstanding. When two people want to do things to make the other happy but neither wants to burden the other you have a situation where there are misunderstandings.

You want to make the pizzas, she worries they're about to expire, and offers to exchange them. You don't want to burden her and it upsets you, she is upset that you wont let her do something to please you, but you don't want her to please you if it means it burdens her. Do you see the point?

Both of you want to do things for each other but neither of you want the other to do things for you.

Example: I want to make my boyfriend a cake for his birthday because I love him and want to do something nice.

My boyfriend would rather not have me go to all that trouble, because he loves me and doesn't think I need to go to that much trouble over him.

My feelings get hurt because I think he doesn't want me to make him a cake.

Both of us end up arguing and sitting in corners with our arms crossed.

Let your guard down and let her do things for you, even if you think it's unnecessary... and maybe she'll do the same for you. ;)

Good luck.

P.S. the tit-for-tat that is going on with you or her saying "we'll do it your way" is a clue that both of you have another issue, "control" is it maybe that you two both should let your guards down and give up control to make the other one happy sometimes?

Try it.. it works.

Oh, and P.S. I just realized something else... maybe it kinda freaks her out that the pizza is about to expire, so she says she will exchange it for you when really she wants to exchange it for herself.. you know so she doesn't worry about the expiration date thing when she goes to eat it. :)

Answer 2

Hmmm, interesting that later in the convo you ask her not to argue and to "be loving," yet you sorta started the fight. It didn't sound to me like her exchanging the pizza was going to cause you any trouble, so even if you thought that was ridiculous, you needn't have turned it into an issue.

However, she did seem to snap right into argue mode, stemming from a defensive position, almost immediately.

Hard to say what your deeper issues are in this relationship, but it sounds like there are some. I am not a marriage counselor, so my opinion on "who is being unreasonable" really doesn't matter.

The fact that you posted here tells me one of the following is true:

1. You are seriously seeking to stop the bickering in your relationship. In that case, please go with your wife to a marriage counselor;

or

2. You wanted people to back you up and say your wife was being unreasonable. You wanted validation for your side of "the madness." I'm not sure if this means you feel bad about it, or you are looking for confidence to continue arguing with your wife;

or

3. You both just happened to be having a really crappy day at the same time, and this'll blow over.

Answer 3

I can't stand it when a man says "I don't care". You could say "I don't mind" or "I'm fine either way".Just put in some effort. And who the hell says "I want to be loving". What a turn-off.. why don't you say "So, if I come home, can I get you naked?". It shows your playful and not some weirdo who wants love like a little 3 year old. It seems like all you care about is sex and you don't focus on the game of love.

Answer 4

you dont. it happens all the time. silly little arguments. You just need not to think of them too much. Everyone has them. Just understand the loving times are far more than the arguments. I would say, dont sweat the small stuff. Leave your anxiety for the big things.

Answer 5

If you really want to stop arguing over stupid things , than just say sorry. That simple. She wanted to do something for you and you didn't appreciate it and never said sorry. Even something that little can hurt a sensitive person/ woman.

Answer 6

It sounds like you guys have a lot more going no then bickering over who's doing it who's way. I'd suggest some marriage counseling to get to the REAL issues.

Answer 7

This is the classic case of throwing you own words bnack at you. Its a freakign frozne pizza let her exchange it. Its should be our way. Pay attnetion to the other posters (who i dont neg bomb)

Like Patty's idea the best.

Answer 8

Hmm....was she just trying to act out of concern? Get to the root of the problem. Let her know you love her and you appreciate the gesture and ask her if anything else is bothering her.

Answer 9

That is about the most ridiculous argument I have ever heard of. Go home and apologize. Tell her that you appreciated her suggestion, but you did not want to put her out. Tell her you love that she is so concerned about you, hug her, and kiss her, you fool!!!! She will probably melt into your arms.

Answer 10

I think you ruined it when you used the words "fine" and "your way". You were accusing her of always having to have her way---but in this case, her way was the better way, since she was already on her way to the store.