Decifer this mystery for me?

Question

Although I'm single, I can fall for a guy hard. But I always seem to fall for the same types of guys. Now, I know I'm far from perfect, but these guys tell me I'm perfect in the way that I'm everything they're looking for. They tell me I'm beautiful, smart, energetic, kind, and sexually charged, which in general, I agree with, and they say they want to be with me but seem to get scared off. They usually run off to be with the energetic, sexy girls (who, usually, cheat on them and break their hearts within a month and the guy says "why can't she be sweet like you?") or the sweet, safe girls (who they complain bore them to tears "why can't they be exciting like you?"). But that's who they commit to, not me, and I'm a mix of the two types! It hurts more when they tell me I'm perfect. I'd rather they tell me what's wrong with me so at least I'd understand. Why do men do this?

Answer 1

Hi Becky,

A very interesting question!

I'm not a man but I've dated around a lot when I was younger. I got what you meant here.

I gotta tell you,
You sound perfect and I think you've just met the wrong guys. It's NOT entirely your problem. You need someone who knows how to appreciate you inside out and that someone's prolly somewhere out there..

On your side, ok, I just tell what I think but it can't be 100% right. I think.. you're NOT mean enough.
You are everything a guy looks for which I believe, but guyz huh!? they need to be kicked in the a** REALLL hard sometimes... (oh nope the kungfu style).. Yea.. if you get what I mean.

=)

Answer 2

When a man tells you that you are absolutely perfect - then goes off with a woman who "isn't" - it says this: He felt he had to prop you up with compliments, while inside fearing you were going to be a problem, either through neediness, demands on his time, or something. He saw some kind of "uh-oh" factor that scared him. His dissing of other women was like a decoy to throw you off, so you wouldn't cause problems for him when he ultimately had to end it.

The solution is: choose men who genuinely like you as you are. They don't think you're perfect! People who commit in a LTR generally do NOT think the other is perfect. Far from it.

Answer 3

If I knew you better, I could probably give you the reason. but since I do not know you, and from what you say it seems to me that you are the marrying type. at least the guys think you are. at this time in life the guys you pick are not ready to settle down. and want to explore and have fun. but the time will come when they will become tired of the running around and decide to settle down, and they well then come to you. I am not sure of your age, but most males decide to settle down around the ages of 21 to 25. that is when they feel they need to start thinking about their future and stop playing. but of course there are also those that never do stop playing. and never will take life seriously. but I do believe they see you as the type they would like to spend their life with. for they want to marry a nice female. the ones they are playing with now, may not be nice about things, but they tend to over look that, for that is not what they are after.

Take Care,

Answer 4

It's just them. You sound like a girl I will want to date.

You haven't met the right guy yet. I don't know why or how I'm so sure, but I do truly believe that when you find the right person, they won't take you for granted.

As to why they do this? They are just being selfish. If someone as lovely and delicate as you can't be really loved... then what's the point of love?

#1 girl got it right about the kicking a** part. I don't know you but I do know guys really need to be taught a lesson!! like flushing his favorite i-pod down the toilet if he ever tries to BS you. HaHaHa

Answer 5

why don't you give me a try im not gonna tell you your perfect and play games guys just tell you wthat they want you to hear sometimes or whatever it takes to get in them jeans you should know that by now and if you keep goin for the same type of guys well then stop give the guy a chance that you think your to good for get off your hi horse and come back down to earth thats one thing they didn't call you wus down to earth wut are you scared of being seen with someone other poele might not find attractive whats your fear let it go and be free and happy any more questions just email me.

Answer 6

Sounds like they are just not mature enough yet to realize what they have or could be they want to save the best for later after they learn a little - dont try to change the way you are - they will grow up one day.

Answer 7

Men 'do this' because that's what you attract with your low self worth condition.
If you did some work to raise your low self esteem, you'd be drawn to other high self respect folks and not hurt so much by insincere LOW SELF WORTH LIARS.

You are your problem - fix it!

Answer 8

Hi Rebecca. I can sure relate. I went through a long phase in which I was getting hit on a lot by guys who just had no follow through. I took a break from the dating scene for ab. four months to heal, regroup, and work on myself. I also did a lot of relationship research to get some much needed reality checks.Without compromising my integrity, I changed some of the things I had been doing to turn guys off, and I rediscovered things ab. myself that, with the right guy for me, are a turn on. Now I seem to be attracting men who are more stable and dependable.

One thing I have learned through it all is that anyone who tells you that you are perfect, anyone who lays it on thick like that is not likely to stick around. Because as soon as they discover something about you, some secret "deal breaker" they are gone, gone, gone, without explanation. Meaning the fantasy is over, so the nonexistent relationship is over. At various periods in my life when I have decided "What the ____, I am just going to be myself" I naturally attracted the most fabulous, down-to-earth guys and some pretty awesome women friends too. Performance gigs and recording gigs fell into my lap, too, so to speak.

All I am saying here is that when you stop looking outside yourself for love and start loving being your whole self, good things will happen. Any guy who would do this to you does not deserve you, and is probably being dishonest with himself, first of all, and also with other women, no matter how it may look on the outside. You do not need some fickle, immature guy playing with your heart. Even guys who are not playing games may not want the same thing you want. Lately, I just ask guys what they are looking for. I do it in a sweet, flirty, playful, nonthreatening way; and then I listen, really listen. I also watch, to make sure their behavior matches their words. If a guy tells me he is attracted to me but is not looking for a girlfriend, I accept that and move on, making the guy a friend or a sweetfriend--no benefits. If a guy says he is interested in me but he keeps checking his cellphone or he keeps checking out that very cute waitress, I move on.

I also do not commit to seeing a guy exclusively unless we've had "the talk" and we are both on the same accord. Nowdays it is not safe to assume anything.

As a wise person told me not too long ago, focus on the things you like doing. (For me that's music, poetry, and lately meetup groups.) Then your energy will change, your energy will shine, and you will naturally attract someone who will like you being the real you, and you won't come across as some hungry or needy woman looking for a man. Fine tune your intuition and pay attention. Most people show early signs of their true personality and intentions. Then ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be with, if this connection would be a meaningful connection. Ask, and be honest with yourself, if this is a good fit. Don't wait for someone to choose you. Be yourself, be willing to change what is not working, do what you love, and the rest will follow. It worked for me. All the best to you in life and love.

MORE:
I love Marina's ans.. It reminds me of a time when ab. two yrs. ago I broke it off with a guy who was being wishy-washy with me as it turns out bec. I was not compliant enough for him and bec. he couldn't get past our age differences. He was younger.

One night, at a cd production meeting, I found out he was bringing his girlfriend. I prepared myself to meet this drop dead gorgeous model perfect woman. But in he walks with this quiet, mousy, depressed, ok-looking young woman. I was thoroughly confused. Turns out he was looking for someone to take care of and who would take care of him emotionally by needing him.

She had just lost her apt. or living situation, and she had a drinking problem. She was possessive, too, which further stroked his ego. At a poetry reading he dedicated a love poem to her called "Stinky Toes." They were both in trouble financially, so she moved in with him to set up housekeeping and pool their incomes.

To further intensify the situation, their families did not approve of their relationship, so they "fell in love" even harder, like Romeo and Juliet, right? "You and me against the world." To top it all off, she was chronically depressed because she hates NY. So, he rescues he and moves her to Arizona. Growing up the way he did--an adopted child and "black sheep," ne'er do well of his family--he wanted someone who would look up to him and see him as a hero, a rescuer. That is not me. I only wish he could have been straight with me. Maybe he couldn't.

I hope you get the picture here. It's not about perfection; it's about compatibility. There is someone for everyone, or as a friend once reminded me "Everybody is looking for something" (Annie Lennox / The Eurythmics). You just haven't met the right person yet. You haven't found or attracted what you want yet. When you do, and if it is true, it will be mutual.

Answer 9

i just say all are not alike just hang around broaden your view/angle hw u look you will c world in a different way just give it a try there is nothing to loose just you may find wat u want atleast you hv a new experience
happy looking