How to deal with my bf's death wish?

Question

I know this shouldn't be about me, but it's hell for me.
We're just out and about. and then suddenly, he starts talking about how life isn't worth living, that he gets anxious, and says... what the hell... only 50 more years, right? Like he can't wait to die. Whenever we see in the news or wherever that people die, he complains: why them and not me?
On the upside, he says he wouldn't kill himself, but does say he'll have to practice some xtreme sports so his chances of dying are higher.
We have all sorts of problems, and i think all come down to the fact that he's not in love with me, he just 'cares' about me.
I tell him to try to be positive and see the good in life, and he tells me to make him see it by being good to him. But, I am good to him and it never matters. And the times that i'm 'bad' is when i want him to show he really cares about me and a little interest and support in what's important to me.
I don't know what to do. I think i'm one of the reasons he's unhappy...

'cause i'm not really what he would want, hence the 'not in love with me' part.
We've been together for more than 4 years, and i really did my best at loving him, but he says he has never noticed it.
I feel like there's nothing i can do... i know for a fact he wouldn't get professional help, ever.

Answer 1

Jade, This sounds like a game he is playing to get your attention and make you do things for him. If he does not love you, then you would be doing him a favor to break the relationship off.

Tell him that you are tired of hearing the "poor me story". Tell him that he has more than most people, and you will take him to a children's hospital to prove it. Tell him that it is time that he started acting like life is worth living, and quit bringing you down with him. Tell him that everyone has problems in life, and he is just going to have to accept that his are not as great as some, and greater than others. Everyone else is dealing with it, and it is time for him to MAN UP!! He can do things to make his life better. All he has to do is put in the effort .

Take it from someone that has way more problems than the average person. I work an extra job, and still have to pray to be able to afford the small place I live in. It is a struggle, but when something good actually happens, I find myself excited and appreciate it more, because I worked to earn it!! If I can go through the horrible devastation of Katrina, and still get through life, he can do it too!!!

Answer 2

He isn't really capable of loving himself right now, so how can he love anyone else? He is depressed and has low self-esteem. He is usually crying out for help even if most men don't want it........he NEEDS it desperately. Always take a person's word for it when they talk about death or wanting to die. Take it seriously.
Oh yes.....this is about you , in the sense that you love and care about him, so HELP him or find someone who can ASAP. Most men don't want to be labeled as having a psychiatric disorder, but many do and turn to alcohol or drugs. It is the better man that does seek help. If you know someone that he might listen to...................please do it. His answer to you about "being good" to him disturbs me. What does that mean? Is he trying to make you do things you don't want to do? Could he have sadistic qualities? If you can't handle it, then I would leave but be careful he doesn't try to hurt you. He can be court ordered for psychiatric evaluation. You are NOT the reason he's unhappy, so don't go on that guilt trip. Nothing will matter to him as long as he is in this state of mind. Talk to a family member and get someone to help him NOW.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear that. I'm afraid that if he is unwilling to get professional help or at least talk to some kind of counselor, or his parents, or a doctor, or clergy, then you need to move on since it sounds like he doesn't even appreciate or love you. Get on with your life and find someone else with a positive outlook than this guy. He will only drag you down and make you as unhappy as he is. I know this from dealing with my ex-fiance.

Answer 4

in certain situations what's achieved can't be undone. i'm confident you would agree that your habit is a huge pill to swallow, even below the situation . I recommend, if I were him, i could not do it, even as i'd attempt to appreciate, i could not in any respect forget and three months of abandonment even as being contained in the mattress of an ex...wow! How could you experience if the shoe changed into on the different foot? Sorry yet, i trust that it truly is better than i could deal with. i could probable be filing for divorce too. it truly is perchance time to opt for how proper to flow all this ahead, residing self reliant lives even as parenting the newborn left behind. extra importantly, what about the last newborn. This newborn would not favor this drama... brother lengthy gone, mom an emotional practice spoil, parents in a state of having a divorce. it is an emotional disaster for a six-three hundred and sixty 5 days previous newborn. instead of being so self-absorbed, you want to concentration your means on the well-being of your newborn. that would not recommend staying married, it basically potential getting on with existence in a way it truly is supportive and solid to the childs existence. perchance that even potential you provide up custody? there are countless nicely adjusted youthful little ones coming from divorced houses. you want to be confident that your newborn is one in all them. you position the table, so provide up feeling so sorry for your self. in the present day is the first day of something of your existence.

Answer 5

Sounds like he could be depressed. Don't take it upon yourself as being responsible. If he is depressed, he is the only one who can deal with it. there is plenty of help out there...mental health clinics, etc. If you and he both think you are the problem, it can never get fixed. It is painful, but you must deal with reality. And, if he won't get help for himself, please get help for yourself so you can look realistically at what your choices are.
Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 6

First, you cannot blame yourself for his wishes....could be that he is living despite a death wish just because of your presence.....and yes, you cannot force anybody to live if he feels the pain (the concept of euthnasia)....so do your job and leave the choice to God....either way God's wish will prevail

Answer 7

Hes got issues way to profound for you to deal with alone.
Only you can make the decision but I think if I were you I know what I would be doing.

Answer 8

He seems like a douche bag. Seems like he is trying to control you by making you feel bad about yourself by saying that you make him feel bad. You don't need that crap. Find a better man.

Answer 9

what yall really need to do is to get some professional help, tell him if its serious, what he is saying , and really both of yall need to get professional help.