How do i tell my husband my parents will not be coming for christiman because they don't like his parents.

Question

My husband and I have been married for three years and just this year he decides to stay at home for christimas and say we are not going to anyone elses home. (my mothers his mother) I recently had a suprise birthday party for him where I got both families together and he couldnt tell but it didnt go over to well long story but basically mother in law was rubbing taking kids to the park in my mothers face and only to her as if she should get grandmother of the year. Anyway they dont get along . How can I tell him that we cant invite both families at the same time I mean I just cant say my mom dont like your mom. He already thinks I dont like her because I point out that she likes to lie alot . And to be blunt you cant fix stupid or dumn and she is just as country dumn as can be but I am nice about that point I keep this to myself. Please help what can I do.

You know when one side of the family is loud and obnoxious (his) and the other side is (mine)conservative and laid back I just dont want him to think I hate his mom or his family and I dont want mine to seem stuck up.

No to the one who said she raised the man im in love with actually he raised himself. His mother wasnt there for little league as the coaches took him and paid for it themselves. She wasnt there alot in his life and this comes from him.

Answer 1

It's extremely difficult to blend two completely different families together. I understand your MIL having no education, thus, -I imagine- no manners whatsoever, is NOT helping your efforts of having your mom and her get along. When people are ignorant, they believe it is "normal" to be rude, disrespectful, and abnoxious. They truly think everybody in the whole world acts as they do, and if people don't behave their way, then, they misconstrue the whole situation. I think you should -very tactfully- talk to your husband and ask to have your family over Christmas Eve, and his family, Christmas, or viceversa. Hopefully, he'll understand that you're only trying to make everybody feel comfortable and enjoy the time you'll spend together.

Answer 2

Tell your parents to make some other plans. That way you will have an excuse to tell your husband. I can understand because I face a similar situation.

However, whenever my folks come and my mother in law is there, I make it a plan to take them away from home most of the day. That way the interaction is minimized.

Or I call them when she isn't around. You have to make these adjustments. One thing I have done is told this to my husband in many subtle ways -- "I don't think Mum would like this or I don't think this is a good idea because I have never seen her enjoy this...

Hope you have happy festivities.

Answer 3

Well first of all, don't you dare say one thing to him about your mom and his mom. You will create a huge problem that you will regret for the rest of your life.

You can do a couple things. The fact that the two moms don't get along is their problem not yours. They are adults, and they need to behave. So, never let their behavior prevent you from inviting them over. If mil wants to act like a jerk, your mom is a big girl, she can take care of it and you don't need to be peace maker and fix it. If mil looks like an idiot, so be it.

Now, how we used to do it before finally deciding to stay home is for Christmas Eve we'd do one family and Christmas Day the other family. And we'd alternate.

So, you could invite your family the 24th and his the 25th.

But do not say a word to your husband. There's nothing he can do about his mom. It's gossip, it's hurtful and it will make him resent your mom. And your mom doesn't deserve that. Just keep it to yourself and take the high road.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think the people you should be having the discussion with is your parents. Why should they take their personal feelings about your mil out on you by not coming for a family holiday? Yes, family holiday. You are their family. They need to deal with their feelings for a day like adults and come to enjoy your hospitality. The holiday is for spending time with those you love, not staying home because you don't like someone who will be there. If your talk with them fails, I think that you need to let your mother know that it is up to her to explain her position to her son-in-law instead of putting you in the middle and then immediately hand the phone to your husband. She will get to see what uncomfortable feels like. When you were married, your husband became your mother's family, too. Why should she act like a child and expect you to explain for her??

Answer 5

Do not tell him it will only cause tension: You have extended the invitation to both families if yours doesn't show up for whatever reason so be it. Do not put yourself in the middle of this one and when the holidays are over you may discuss it with him. Don't spoil his holiday, your parents have the choice of not attending and you need to be cordial and polite to his parents (no matter what) out of respect for him. Do not let any crap come between you and him over this. Whoever shows, shows and whoever doesn't, there loss. Merry Christmas!

Answer 6

You know, you aren't helping this situation any. Your MIL might be stupid(as you say)but she was smart enough to raise the man you fell in love with and married. Perhaps if you had some respect for her, your mother would follow your example. FYI, all grandmothers play this "I'm a better grandmother than you are" game, and if you are smart, you will simply ignore it, invite everyone to christmas as your husband wants to and let them figure it out. They are grown ups, its their issue, and shouldn't be yours.

Answer 7

You don't tell him any such thing. You invite all and if they don't behave, he will see it. If your parents don't come, make sure you stop by to see them later in the week. Don't make an issue of anything. It would be like forcing him to take sides against his own parents, so don't put him in that position. Grin and bear it, as have thousands before you.

Answer 8

You can tell him the truth, it will save years of having to worry and make up story's. Maybe you will find that his parents don't like yours and he doesn't know how to tell you, either way you should not have to worry about this as its not your issue, he married you not your parents.

Answer 9

you are married you should be able to share eachothers problems. he may be hurt but that is life, there isn't anything you can do about it. maybe you can start switching off years at eachothers families or alternating holidays. the truth is always the best policy, especially with your husband.

Answer 10

Just say they have other commitments. Don't insult his family bc the mother's don't get along.