dated a guy for about 8 years. For the last three or four years I was miserable and just dreaming of a day I'd be out of a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. We both were at fault for our problems. We started dating in high school when we were young and ignorant. I tried to end things with the guy for a year or so but he'd camp out at my house or do somehting crazier. I did love him because I spent many years with him. This year I finally broke things off with him. Since then I have become engaged to a guy we both met in college. I know this guy I'm about to marry is my soul mate. Recently I've been feeling bad for hurting my ex. I don't want to be with my ex because I know he's not right for me and my fiance is. Sometimes I just cry and hurt for hurting him but I am so much happier now and know I did what was right. Is it ok to be said for hurting him?
2007-11-27 15:30:38 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As for him getting over me... He hasn't! I've moved away from my hometown which is where he lives. He's still very down about it.
2007-11-27 15:35:24 · update #1
yes it's okay, but you gotta live your life for you and what truly makes you happy.
2007-11-27 15:33:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything happened within 1 year..too much too fast. Maybe this crying and hurting is because you´re not ready for engagement..My advise would be Have some time off....
When we start something new is because we are absolutely sure of what we want (or should be so). Try to enjoy your present life...let the past as it is...behind! You said " For the last three or four years I was miserable and just dreaming of a day I'd be out of a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship" Don´t you think it´s about time to deserve better, be happier, enjoy life! He was abusive!...and you still thinking in that guy....give yourself a chance...that is over thanks God!...
2007-11-27 23:42:41 · answer #2 · answered by jackielafemme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help how you feel, but you need to move on with your life. Truthfully, you tried to help your ex by breaking up with him a while back, knowing that it wouldn't work. He wasted his own time. To feel guilty about it means that you are super nice a person, so it's okay! You did what you could, and now that you're with someone else don't let the old relationship taint your new one. Good luck!
2007-11-27 23:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by Tue T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I still feel bad about my ex not finding someone to share his life with after so many years...although, he was a total a.s.s.h.o.l.e. Still, I always wished he could find happiness, like the one I found with my husband. Try not to let it ruin your own newfound happiness, though. You are happy and you found love because you deserve to be happy and to be loved. It's good that you don't wish him any wrong, but make an effort to get over your guilt, or it'll ruin all the good you've found in a healthy relationship.
2007-11-27 23:45:52 · answer #4 · answered by MiaMonique 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it's ok!! your grieving. It's very natural. I filed for a divorce from my husband of 10 years (we also met in h.s.) and re-married 2 years later, and to this day i still feel a little guilty for breaking his heart. But he was an alcoholic that refused treatment, and became someone i didnt know, or love anymore.
Look at it this way~ Your life now=happiness
your life then=misery
you do the math. :)
2007-11-27 23:36:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is ok to feel bad for him still. You were with him 8 years which is a long time and had all those feelings for him. It may take a while to lose all those feelings for him. It will passover soon enough so just enjoy your life with your fiance. Good luck!
2007-11-27 23:36:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course this is normal. Even if you know in your heart that the relationship was not good for you, and you weren't happy... you still cared about him a lot it seems like. you may even still care about him somewhat. It is good for us to feel guilty, it shows we are not selfish and that we are caring for others. you don't need to do anything to show him you feel bad... like to make it up to him or anything. the most you should do is maybe write him a letter apologizing for how the relationship ended, and that you remember the good times you had with him. but don't jeopardize your happiness you have now. this is all normal to feel, even though you know he wasn't good for you. you're allowed to care about his feelings after being with him for so long. but be happy that you are happy now... because it wouldn't have been good for either of you to stay together if you were in an unhealthy relationship.
2007-11-27 23:39:51 · answer #7 · answered by jeremy dutch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its okay ot feel guilty, butthe best thing you can do is give the ex all the space you can. At the most send him a letter tellign him why youre both better off with other people, it might help him with closure.
2007-11-28 02:37:17 · answer #8 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you would feel bad for him. You're human, and you feel empathetic towards his situation. He's still love lorn for you. You loved him, and I'm sure deep down you will always feel affection for him. But you cant stop your life because he cant move on. You cant stay stuck in a rut, you have to just live your life.
2007-11-27 23:38:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
actually you did the man a favor, since you set him free because you do not love him anymore, it would be so wrong if you continued to be with him even if you did not love him, you did the right thing so dont even think that you did him wrong, focus on the man you are about to marry, and finally say goodbye to your ex.
2007-11-27 23:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah thats a good thing...shows you have what we normal people call a heart. Emotional is good as long as it is not "Emo"... no, if you know that it wasn't gonna work, no sense in going through unhappy times with divorce later and worse feelings other than just 'feeling bad'... good decision.
2007-11-27 23:35:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋