JURY DUTY...whats the best way NOT to get picked?

Question

OK I finally have to go to the courthouse (or I'll be arrested)... A friend of mine said she told them "I dont think I can be un-biased" and they STILL picked her for a trial, so now I'm scared. I thought about saying "I hate blacks etc." but a co-worker said they can use that if I ever look for a job.

So when they call me, what type of questions will they ask, and whats the best answers to give in order NOT to be picked?

Answer 1

Why WOULDN'T you want to do jury duty?
You should atleast go once, it's the least you could do for your country...

Answer 2

I can tell if people are guilty by looking at them.
I'm attracted to you, your honor.
If a police officer told me I was a bug, I would believe him.
Is it murder if I haven't been caught?
My religion prohibits me from sitting near other people.
Would I have to bathe?
Can each of my personalities vote in deliberations?
Laws are for sissies.
Your marshall's handcuffs are turning me on.
I'm allergic to justice.
I'm deaf. (Answer questions thereafter by cupping hand and shouting "What?")
A pit bull named [defendant's first name] just killed my baby.
I have Tourette's Syndrome, you ******* asshole.
I get dizzy if I try to weigh evidence.
Have you ever done this, your honor? (Chop off your ear with a razor).
An eye for an eye? I say we take his head for an eye! (Point at defendant).
. If an attorney asks you if you can be objective, say no. If it is a criminal case, make sure to stress that you think all defendants are guilty and deserve to be hung—even if for a moving violation or shoplifting.
If actually selected to be on a jury, you are likely to be asked to swear to find a verdict solely on the basis of the facts presented in court. Decline to swear this on the grounds that the jury has a right to find a verdict as they see fit. Mention the right of a jury to "veto". You probably want to read up on this before your jury duty. You will almost certainly be excused from the jury, but if not, you will be better prepared for the experience from your research.
When the Bailiff calls out "All rise!" stand up, click your heels, and shout "Ja wohl!"
Laugh like a loon whenever someone says "jurisprudence."
Inform the judge that the $10 a day stipend is insufficient, and you will be billing the court at your usual consultation rate.
After the judge is introduced, kneel and kiss his hand.
Repeatedly request a sidebar. No, you don't need to know what one is.
When they question the juror next to you, shout "I object!"
Bring your teddy bear, Mr. Cuddles, to the courtroom with you. When other people speak, say "Mr. Cuddles can't hear you!"
Whenever an attorney pauses to refer to his or her notes, shout "Amen!"
When questioned, persistently blame everything on freemasonry.
Dress Mr. Cuddles in a tiny John Birch Society T-shirt.
Make sure the judge knows all about that incident with the mud shark. Offer to show photos.
Spill coffee on yourself, then ask "Hey, does anybody here want to help me sue McDonalds?" Then laugh and say "Just kidding."
Address any female attorneys as "Foxy Mama."
If asked about your willingness to apply the death penalty, declare "I'm agin' killin'!"

Answer 3

So, you're asking for advice on a public message board on how to shirk your civic duty?

Seriously, are you working in a job where your employer won't compensate you for being out for JD? If so, then tell the judge during selections that you are currently supporting yourself on a single-salary and being out for the day/week/etc. will cause undue financial hardship. Generally the judge will take that into consideration.

If you CAN do it without hardship, then suck it up and do it. You get the day off work, most employers will compensate you for lost hours, and the American public will be guaranteed at least one juror that has been on the internet once.

Answer 4

Just tell them that you had a bad experience in the past in regards to whatever the case is about... like if the case is about a drunk driver, then you say your car got hit by a drunk driver, or say that you would not be able to believe a police officer because one gave you a ticket and he was rude to you or something.

Be honest. Anything you say is under oath, and you cannot, I hope, ethically lie while under oath.

Just answer them the way you don't think they would want to hear. It is usually pretty easy.

Answer 5

Act like you can't hear good.

But the judge might just order a hearing test for you.

If you really feel strong about a subject, raise your hand and tell the judge. One or the other side will have you removed.

But if you don't serve you will be called again.

Answer 6

Tell them "I'll make a great juror, 'cause I can spot a guilty person like THAT!!!"

Answer 7

plead hardship- Tell them you are head of household and cannot miss work.