Dating a woman with a child terror?

Question

I am currently dating a woman with a young child. She has been divorced for around 3 years now and the ex husband plays little role in the upbringing of his son. I've noticed how defiant the son has gotten over the last year we've been seeing each other - temper tantrums, not listening, completely ignores his mother's wishes and even goes as far as hitting her with fists, and any other objects he can throw at her. Coming into a scenario like this, it bothers me to see her son acting out this way, however I recognize the fact that I am not the child's father, nor do I want to be. What role I do play is that of a male figure he can look up to. I am curious if anyone out there has any "non invasive" advice where I can assist my girlfriend in toning down her son's violent tendencies without over stepping my bounds.

Answer 1

Well son, I have seen this before MANY times.More than I care to have seen.
If SHE wont make her OWN child behave, then she probably isnt going to let anyone else make him behave either.It used to be if a woman with a kid married a decent man she trusted him to discipline her child as if they were his ,especially if he was working and putting a roof over their head, food in their bellies, and clothes on their backs.No more.Most the time guys like you get to be door mats for the children of these women until it reaches a boiling point and it ends in another divorce.
1.Talk to her about disciplining her son.If she blows up and says he has a right to behave that way tell her he doesn't.He may have a right to feel a certain way but not act the way he does.
2.Also tell her you expect to be able to discipline him when he needs it and if that is a problem to let you know now.
If she disagrees with 1 and 2 run for the hills and do NOT look back!You'll be sorry if you marry her guaranteed!

Answer 2

You don't say how old the child is. Most young children hold on to the dream that Mommy and Daddy will get back together. You kind of threw a wrench into that by dating his Mom. I am not trying to be mean just make you see it from his eyes. So now he thinks if he is really bad that you will walk away just like his Daddy did. Kids think all kinds of things. Most of the time what they are thinking has nothing to do with what is really going on. You say in your question that you do not want to be a Father to this child. That is a shame. Not trying to mean here either but you have no business dating a woman that has a child that you do not want to be a father to. I mean you have been going out for 3 years so it is a serious relationship. Kids pick up on these things. If you want to be someone this kid looks up to give him a reason to look up to you. Spend some one on one time with him. Talk with him. Talk to him about his Dad. Let him know that you are not here to replace his Daddy but you are here for him. As for discipline. Leave that up to the girlfriend. The kid will only act out more if you discipline him.

Answer 3

Children act out,,,,,scream, temper tantrums, hitting, when there is something wrong in or with the atmosphere they are in. Not having a male figure around to show the little boy strength of character towards his mom is not a good thing.
Sometimes children do these things to get attention too. It's usually the only way they know how to accomplish it.
Fathers aren't the same as dad's. And maybe this little boy needs a dad.......

Answer 4

I can see you really like this woman, because you wouldnt still be in a relationship with the "baggage" of a young unruly child. Growing up without a father can be hard on boys, because they need a male role model to teach them "manly" things and discipline them in a way that only fathers can. Believe me, with time, this child will become more mature as long as his life includes love as well as discipline. I understand your feelings about being put into the male role model position and it is completely understandable. Your right, you shouldnt try to take the place of the boys father (not that you want to) but like it or not, you should spend time with him and be a sort of role model to him. If you have a serious future with this woman, you definitley want a stable and trusting relationship with her child or he will become an awkward roadblock for you. So you might as well bond with him now when he's young and easy to bond with.
Just do what you feel is best for you in this situation, and believe me, things will work out for you. Even if things work out in a different way than you pictured, it happens for a reason. So Good Luck!

Answer 5

I can tell you that your bounds will always be there if she has not asked for your help so far.
The problem really isn't the child, but the mother who allows this action to continue. Really, the only thing you can do, provided you want to remain in the relationship, is to become friends with the boy and try to win his confidence. Get something in common, preferably an outside sport. Then you might be able to teach him some manners. Could be that he has been raised to act this way whenever he wants something and just don't know any better.

Answer 6

I would ask the woman you're dating if she would feel comfortable with you assisting her in controlling her son's outbursts. If so, ask her what would be appropriate. If she would rather handle it on her own and it still bothers you, you might want to consider taking a break. You shouldn't have to be put through such an annoyance. An annoying child is bad enough, but not being able to do anything about it would make it unbearable for me. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 7

sweetie this is a REAL SENSITIVE topic. the only thing you can do is talk to gf and explain to her how she can change the child behavior towards her by being more firm and demanding that he act right or there will be consequences to suffer. maybe you should spend more alone time with him so that you and him can develop a bond to where as if you look at him he know that he needs to listen to what moms says. spare the rod spoil the child. sounds like he need a few but let her give them to him not you. GodBless

Answer 8

You need to talk to your gf and ask her how you can support her in parenting this child. She's the only one that can answer how much of a role you should have in her child's life.

You should also know that single moms are a package deal. If you think her child is a holy terror, then you need to reevaluate this relationship.

Answer 9

If you don'twant to b the boys fsther then u should get out of the relationship, but if u would like to help with her son then i suggest talking to him aboutb why he does stuff like that. he could b just upset that u r trying to take his fathers place or so it seems like it to the boy.

Answer 10

Get out now! This can only lead to heartache. Any reaction from you will be considered an act of aggression. You will end up alone or in jail. GET OUT NOW!!