Should I forgive him?

Question

My husband cheated on me for almost a year and completely neglected me. He always looked at me in the eyes and lied to me everytime I asked him if he was having an affair because I knew there was something going on. We have a small baby and he wants to come see him every day. I told him I don't want him to come to my house, the less I see him or hear from him, the better. We were supposed to go on vacation in a few weeks but since I have discovered that he was a cheater and a liar and I have decided to divorce him, I have told him to forget about spending our vacation time together. He still wants us to go on vacation together, he is calling me and asking me to forgive him and give him a second chance. I love him but I feel so hurt that I find extremely difficult to trust him again. Does he deserve a second chance?

I very much appreciate al your advices. In fact, I have no-one to talk to about my problems where I'm at this moment. I'm very far from my family and friends. Basically nothing has happened between us throughout this year. He refused to have sex with me. HJe said he was not feeling weel and could nt have sex. As I said earlier, I tried to openly talk to him and find out what went wrong between us, why was he so distant, if there is anything I did wrong or should improve upon. But he always said there was nothing wrong with me, I'm a good wife and wonderful mother he was just not feeling well. I also remember asking him what he would do if his partner cheated on him and he told me he would leave without hesitation. I know I want him but as many of you said, he does not deserve me, I never valued our marriage and in fact he does not knwo what he wants. He said he is very ashamed of himslef, he knows he made a mistake.

I very much appreciate al your advices. In fact, I have no-one to talk to about my problems where I'm at this moment. I'm very far from my family and friends. Basically nothing has happened between us throughout this year. He refused to have sex with me. He said he was not feeling weel and could nt have sex. As I said earlier, I tried to openly talk to him and find out what went wrong between us, why was he so distant, if there is anything I did wrong or should improve upon. But he always said there was nothing wrong with me, I'm a good wife and wonderful mother he was just not feeling well. I also remember asking him what he would do if his partner cheated on him and he told me he would leave without hesitation. I know I want him but as many of you said, he does not deserve me, He never valued our marriage and in fact he does not knwo what he wants. He said he is very ashamed of himslef, he knows he made a mistake.

Everytime I ask him why he cheated on me, he says he does not know. He claims he has stopped seeing the girl but I can't believe him. The m ore I think about it, the more I'm convinced he no more loves me. The first thing I noticed is that he had erased all my pictures on his phone whilst he had pictures of all his friends and girlfriend. I work and live in a different city and when I went back to his house a few months ago, I noticed that he had also removed all my pictures in the house.

Answer 1

It hurts knowing that your husband laid beside you night after night thinking of ways to get with that whore of his. I bet she was a co-worker. This is how i see it, women that work around married men should keep their hands off ,that means no one on one lunches or happy hour or flirting or touching the arm when he says something funny. These women know exactly what they are doing and they know it doesn't take much to get a man interested in them. It's hard to compete with someone that dresses good everyday and is on her best behavior. There are alot of women on here that put the blame solely on the husband because she isn't married so they think she is doing nothing wrong by pursuing him. Those women that feel this way are the very ones that are out there stealing our husbands. I don't put all the blame you the women just most of it, we are suppose to have more will power then men, and we should care that we are hurting a family.

I can tell you this my husband cheated on me with a co-worker and she knew me and was invited into our home for a Christmas party,did that stop her or him. I'm still with my husband but it's been unbearable at times looking at him touching him. I use to think so much of him, i was proud as hell to be married to him,but now i don't look at him the same way. I love him but he took something from me and i can't get it back. Before his affair i would feel so safe at night laying beside him,i was warm and secure and as long as he was beside me nothing could hurt me. Well all that is gone and it's been 10 years sense he had that affair. I just feel so cheated, he got away with cheating on me and i did nothing about it.
If i were you i wouldn't take him back until you know for sure you have the hurt and pain out of your system and he is the one you really and truely can't live without.

Answer 2

Don't let him go on this vacation with you. If you can still afford it and find someone to go with you to talk to and help with the baby, you need some time alone.

In some states, once you catch your spouse cheating and have proff, but you have sex afterwards, that act is considered an act of forgiveness and they are off the hook.
Better check w/ an attorney in your state.

Why this happens all the time I do not understand it. Why can't men just keep the pony in the barn?

Ask him to give you 20 good reasons to take him back and you'll give him 20 good reasons why you shouldn't.

You know it is so hard to go through this in the first place, then a child is brought into the world and now it also affects that child.It happened to me after having 3 kids. I just wish my ex would have told me he wasn't happy, but honestly I don't think that was the problem, he came into a lot of money and it went straight to both heads.

I guess you could say in a way I gave mine a 2nd chance, we had a Christmas party at our house w/ about 100 people. The stairs leading upstairs had a door you could close and had a large landing with a turn. MY sister caught him making out with one of his employess wives on our stairs and when he saw her running to look for me, she grabbed me outside to tell me and there he stood looking at us from the inside.

I went into the house and he grabbed me and told me she kissed him. It was nothing he would never do that to one of his workers wives. YEAH RIGHT. I should have been done with him right then, already 2 small babies, but I had my 3rd and he was very sloppy during the affair.

I divorced him and to this day, I want nothing to do with him, we live so close, I am out of here as soon as I can tie up some lose ends.

Good luck to you my dear but don't be to quick to let him back into your bed. He also needs to be checked for STD's. and tell him you want to see the report.

Answer 3

Something that occurred over 25 years in the past just about ruined my lifestyles. Every time I proposal approximately it, the hatred lower back. Even despite the fact that the man or woman accountable by no means requested for my forgiveness, I ultimately did. Someone else concerned did ask and by way of that point I had allow cross of the animosity. There are a few matters which take place in lifestyles which will by no means be forgiven or forgotten. I am joyful I selected not to allow it smash what years I have left.

Answer 4

I think only you can answer this. I would be asking myself what reason did my partner have for cheating. Not that there is a very good one, but how were things between you when it happened? If he just went out and cheated for the sake of his own good time, that is pretty shi**y. If you two were having problems and things changed or could change, who knows. You did say he lied about it repeatedly, so I can see your hesitation and it is justified.Tough Choice, but Good Luck anyway.

Answer 5

Girl i stared to read your question but as soonest a read that he cheated i knew what to tell you.. A cheater is always a cheater.. yeah you love him and you didn't deserve that RIGHT? If you go back with him he will cheat again cuz he migth think = OK i cheated once i got her to take me back i know she cant leave with out me so why wouldn't i do it again??.. But this time i gotta be more care-full) Dint go to the trip with him let him be free cuz obviously that's what he wanted. And let the court decide everything else..you know what i mean right)

Answer 6

the way I see it, if he truly wants you to forgive him for what he has done, then he needs to prove it. going on a vacation just weeks after you found out he was/is cheating is way too soon to try to magically put things back to normal. sounds like he is being selfish in wanting things to go back to normal as quickly as possible so he can get back to having his cake and eating it too. if you feel he seriously wants to try again, then I would suggest counceling, and also that you live in seperate houses for a while while he gets his **** together. I say if he wants your trust and your love, then he needs to earn it all back again and that doesn't happen overnight. i understand this can be difficult with children in the picture, but it is for their best interest as well as yours to to get things squared away with this man and not to just jump back into it for their sakes. a child can always tell when you are not happy and it isn't the bestway to go to be with a man you have such difficulties with just for their sake.
I say fool you once, shame on him...fool you twice, shame on you. you had no idea he was cheating the first time. now you know. you would be playing with fire to get back into a relationship with this man a second time when you know what he is capable of and that he has no problems lying to you. how can you be so sure that he is telling you the truth this time and that he isn't just saying what he knows you want to hear to keep from having to pay divorce costs? I would say tread with caution and follow your instincts. if you cant forgive him, chances are there is a reason for it.

Answer 7

He can't have his cake and eat it to,he should of thought of you and his child while he was with another woman,how can anyone forgive that the person they love gave their selves to another.And if you do decide to give him a second go,do you really think you could trust him again,you'll always have that question nagging at you....besides he done it once

Answer 8

If you love him and have a baby together, maybe you should think about giving him another chance. Has he suspended all other relations with the other woman? Try to start over...if he's asking for forgiveness then it means that he's thought it through and that he was doing a stupid mistake...Take things slowly, and tell him that he has to regain your trust and that it won't happen overnight. Do it for your kid! I hope everything turns out ok hon! Good luck!

Answer 9

He does not deserve a second chance. If you let him get away with it he will think that you always will. He ruined your marriage and lied and cheated you everyday. You deserve better than that.

Answer 10

I would not forgive him. Why? Because cheating is the most hurtful thing someone can do while in a relationship. They wanted someone else, they made love to someone else... Sorry, cheating is cheating and its a deal breaker for me.