Is this controlling?

Question

I am newly separated from my husband, and a friend is interested in me. I told him to wait because I need a lot of time to myself. He said okay and that was yesterday morning.
Yesterday evening when I got home I went online and chatted in religion chatrooms like normal and he came online and we didn't IM. Instead I kept chatting. He soon signed off, and I did too. Today, I got home from work to find this e-mail from him saying, "if you needed to be alone, then why are you in chatrooms, I dont think i understand you anymore, I am losing feelings for you" and I said to him that I am entitled to time alone, I can chat and do what i want. He said to me in another e-mail that I can take a year. I said, I will. When I called him phone he did the childish thing, he didn't even pick up and I know he's sitting there.

Is this controlling or what? I don't need this chit. Any advice? See if he and I can talk, or say fuggit?

more coming...

My husband and I separated the first time this summe,r he ended up calling my family to try and force me back into the house, which worked, then spent 2 months nearly every day keeping me up until 3am talking or whatever, all about intimacy, etc.. he wasn't like this before we separated, but I decided to leave again two weeks ago, I just needed space without complications.

Answer 1

Your friend needs to back off, regardless of his feelings. I mean, like you said.. you are "newly seperated", which means you need time to figure out what you want, whether it be to stay with your husband and work on your marriage, or to move on with your life. Either way you choose, this "friend" of yours needs to learn to show you some respect, and leave you be while you work through things.

As for the way he is acting, with you telling him you need some time alone (as you very well do), it sounds to me like he is a very childish, immature.. and unhealthily needy individual. I do think he has the potential to be controlling, if you do decide to have a relationship with him in the future. You told him you needed time, and he acted like a baby, questioning your every action. That's childish in so many ways.

My advice to you: Take all the time you need to figure out what you want to do with your life, and if you want to work things out with your husband. You need to handle things with him, one way or the other.. before you even think about getting involved with another man. It's the moral, and responsible thing to do. So, don't rush into anything, with anyone.. It wouldn't be fair to anyone involved.

I think you need to cool things off with the friend. There's no reason to try to explain things to him.. as you've obviously seen how he reacts when things don't go his way. If he calls/e-mails you.. tell him that you need time to deal with things, and that IF you want to get back in touch with him, you will.

Take care.

Answer 2

After telling him you needed time to yourself he actually check up on you and tried to buzz in on you. That guy has problems and you be better off staying away from him. Not only is he controlling but he seems to be possessive and jealous on top of it. You got to see just a small part of him and i think the little you did see should be a warning to you to stay clear of him. Don't call him or have anything to do with him if you do you will be sorry because he isn't the guy you think he is.

Answer 3

Hi hon... if you are newly separated you don't need a boyfriend now, period! Just tell the guy this, and let him know you're not interested in a relationship... because from what i've read here, you are not interested, nor ready.

A person needs time to readjust to life and get their lives in order after breaking off a long-term relationship/marriage... jumping from one bad relationship to the next isn't healthy, as you might know.

YES the guy is controlling.. he has expectations that you will rush into his arms... maybe you need to make it clear you have no intention to do so.... and if this guy is controlling BEFORE you even go out with him or date him, imagine what he might be like after you'd date? YUCK....

run from him... as fast as you can..

take care of you! I hope you do well.

Answer 4

This new guy does seem controlling. I would stay away from him. Trust me on that you don't want anyone who keeps tabs on you like that. It is a horrible relationship. But do hand in there. I separated from my husband nearly two years ago and am still enjoying my alone time answering question on Y!A and am pretty much happy. I'm anti-depressant free and can actually take a moment to have to myself everyday.. It is wonderful

Answer 5

The new guy is insecure and controlling. You are doing the right thing by getting your own house in order after a separation. If he is still available when you are ready great but he does not sound like a great catch to me.

Answer 6

Okay you only have to answer to your self, and if he was a friend he would support your wishes. I think your right in wanting to be alone after all you just separated. Spend sometime for yourself. If he will not comply with your wishes then tell him the friendship can't go on.

Answer 7

Yeah this new guy seems controlling and like things have to go his way or no way. I would not waste my time with him. Even a friend should be more supportive than how he is acting!

Answer 8

Yes he is controlling. I would not get mixed up with him.

Answer 9

This new man has no right trying to tell you what to do. Kick him to the curb. Its up to you what you want to do and when. Its none of his business... Move on and not in his direction. I think he is a problem waiting to happen. Good luck.

Answer 10

Take all the time for you that you need. Please stay away from your 'friend' he sounds a little pushy & selfish - big warning bells are going off when he is acting like this before you even have had a romantic relationship!