I'm writing my personal statement for my UIC application: Can anyone help me improve it?

Question

The assignment and first draft are right here:
http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n157/wiltzandrew/untitled.jpg

Is there some amazing person out there that can help me throughout the next few days, so I can improve my personal statement? I have 300+ service learning hours, and a 3.5 GPA, but a 20 on my ACT. I need to make this good lol. Is there a kind soul that will read my first draft, harshly criticize, read my second draft, harshly criticize, and read my third and possible fourth draft, to help me improve? I'm fun to talk to, also lol. I'm an amateur astronomer, a Scrabble champ, a Chess aficionado, soon to be published author of a science fiction novel, proud student and future doctor. I can talk for hours and hours about my theories in science, theology and so on. Pweeze help! Take care ya'al! Ciao!
-Andrew
wiltzandrew1989 on Yahoo! Messenger
wiltzandrew on AIM
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I am online 24/7, and rarely sleep. I'm here ;)
-Andrew

Answer 1

UIC only looks at your personal statement if you are borderline. Fall 2007 average stats are ACT score of 24 and high school percentile rank of top 24 percentile.