My boyfriend broke up with me telling me that he'll come back..What do i do?

Question

We've been having issues and he came to the conclusion that he needs to change for the better and that once everything in his life is back on track he'll come back to me. He says he's doing this because he loves me and he knows he's not treating me right and that he's hurting me. He gave me his mother's gold bracelet and let me keep his old jersey. He says that its up to me to take him back in the end....and its a risk he's willing to take. He thinks time will heal our problems because we've been working at it but it doesn't seem better..just like a cycle. Our current situation really is emotionally draining and I can see that he's not happy anymore. He has other issues to deal with such as school and money and I can see it in his face that he's tired. I'm in such pain. He's not talking to me. He says he'll contact me when Winter break is over in about a month... is he being for real? What do i do? I'm so distraught with emotion and I can't concentrate or eat...

Answer 1

I think this guy is under extreme pressure since he is trying to study and maybe your relationship together with the fact that there is a lack of money and resources makes him feel inadequate as a provider, with the result that all this is taking a toll on your relationship. I get the feeling you are both far to immature and far from ready for full commitment to one another. You have visions of a happy relationship, marriage babies and happiness forever but its not his vision. All he can see is writing exams. He is at school and trying to make his grades and then has to either study further to become something, but everything is stifling him. He is feeling cornered with little hope of being able to do anything to make your dreams come true. I think he is simply feeling caged in.

My girl, everything does have its time and place. I know where you are coming from. Men however do not feel comfortable with a woman carrying the can and no matter how willing you are to help, his ego is taking a knock and he is clearly so frustrated that he could scream out of frustration.

Your relationship cannot be based on romance only. Survival is greater than that to a man. Sure he enjoys sex and romance but its not enough and you need to see that. Men want to be good providers and to do their best to make their spouses happy. I think a man has to have sown his wild oats first before he can settle down and thats the trouble with the youth of today. They havent had time to enjoy their childhood. They have been too busy trying to be adults before their time.

Regarding your relationship I think the decision to break off your relationship tells me your boyfriend is needing space and time to finish off what he has to do and that is school! He is clearly concerned about his future right now. He is far from ready to settle down yet. Time is of importance here.

Return his mothers bracelet to him and tell him its good of him to want to give it to you but you would rather he gave it to you again when and if you get together again.

Remember its not all about ME ME ME! You have to consider him too. Stressing about your circumstances is not going to do anything but get you so strung up you are going to have a breakdown. Be mature about this and see his side of it and wait.

There is a time and a season for everything under the sun. Learn to be patient and go out with friends and enjoy whats left of your own youth. Neither of you are ready for this yet. If you push him, you will lose him. Dont cling and dont feel rejected either. He isnt rejecting you. He is needing space to complete his future and your demands on his life are not helping him at all.

I always tell people like you "rather a little hurt now than a terrible messy divorce and bigger problems later". It can leave you more devastated than you are feeling now. I know the fears you are experienceing, the uneasy churning feeling in your stomach and that deep sinking feeling that you are out of control and have no idea what to do.

Read books and play games on the internet and chat to others and get together with friends and stay busy. As the days go by things will slowly begin to go back to normal again and you will find yourself all over. You have to move forward and not expect anything to avoid dissappointment regarding the young man in question. Dont build dreams around him for now. Having given you the things he has means he has good intentions. He feels bad clearly and by doing that is trying to comfort you because he still cares about you.

Become positive about your circumstances, because no one likes the company of a negative person and positive people always have a lot of friends. Remember everything in life is about CHOICE. Good choices reap good consequences and bad choices reap bad consequences.

Why dont you study something too, that way you can share in the pressures that your boyfriend is experiencing and appreciate where he is coming from!

Get out of the pit of self pity - its dragging you down to the bottom of despair, rejection, hopelessness, depression, sadness, and all the negatives that will destroy you and make you bitter and angry and irritated with things, short tempered, fearful, apprehensive and depressed.

If however you choose to get out of that pit of self pity you will discover a world full of fresh air and green pastures and beautiful things to look forward to - a place of hope, joy, love, a future, happiness, mystery and plenty to look forward to.

Time is a great healer and maybe he will return to you, maybe he wont. The point is you mustnt sit waiting for something that might or might not be. The timing was wrong now but who knows what is ahead of you.

Dont be sad, be glad that you have been given more time to run and be free. Enjoy your age and learn to be patient now. Stay calm and POSITIVE.

You have a purpose here on earth - we all have. You are not here by accident. God brought you here for a reason. He has given you talents and a good brain. What are you going to do with them?

Things will come right for you in your life. Look forward to the adventure ahead of you. DOnt curl up and wither away over a mere man. No man wants to find a droopy flower - its not attractive any longer and gets thrown away, so you owe it to yourself to water yourself and keep your sparkle and your mind set positive, and to simply choose to over ride your feelings and emotions and to stand up and be you again. YOU WILL BE FINE - you are a survivor not a victim. What are you going to choose?

Answer 2

I believe that your man wants some time to relax and focus on one thing at a time. He realizes what kind of a person he is becoming and how much this is taking a toll on you. So he is striving to work on that to save your relationship. The best support for his actions and decision would be his decision to give you his mother's gold bracelet and his old jersey. After he'll sort out his problems, then he will be able to have a more happier, worry-free, relationship together. Don't you think?

Anyway to wrap this all up on a positive note. He's saving the best for last and hopes that his woman has tied a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree. :)

ps... you do know that song right? [tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree.. it's been..]

Answer 3

If I were you, I wouldn't wait for him. Women should not wait around for a man in my opinion, and how do you know that this situation won't occur again? If he needs to take an annual break from you every year or so, how heart breaking will that be? Apparently time hasn't helped so far. But in the end you are the only one who knows your feelings for him and how serious your relationship is, I am only just an opinion.

Answer 4

I know this is hard but you need to focus on YOU right now - during this "break" think about what YOU really want and what is going to make YOU happy - in the end you will make the best decision for you because you've had time to think without his influence - it's not the end of the world if you decide to totally go your seperate ways - remember, everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be, it will be

Answer 5

You know what. If he's having that many problems, then pick yourself up and move on. If he comes back later with his ducks in a row, good. If not, you won't have wasted your time waiting for something that's likely to never happen. You didn't say how old you are but I'm telling you as a 42 yr. old person that time is valuable and precious and you'd do well to resolve to enjoy as much of your life as possible. Make memories, not misery.

Answer 6

I would not wait for him. The two of you can work out your problems right where he is at. This is an excuse and he wants to go see what else is out there. He wants you to sit there and pine for him while he checks out his options. Cut your losses and find someone else. You deserve better.

Answer 7

i don't think he wants to come back. cus if he realize he is treating you bad, he will only make the difference and treat you nice, IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU THAT'S WHAT HE WOULD DO.maybe he is feeling guilty of hurting and wants to end the relationship. my advice don't wait on him, move on if he comes back that's great if he doesn't , maybe you are better without him

Answer 8

He is probably dating other people, but when he wants to get serious he will try to get you back.
Forget him, move on. Time doesn't heal problems, working them out does. Running away solves nothing, but says that he is a coward. Please eat.

Answer 9

Enjoy your winter break. Enjoy being single. Don't get back with him.

Answer 10

just move on he's playing too many mind games