bleeding out
I try to stop myself from crying,
But I can't cause my tears are now dead.
I can now cry on your command,
Until both of my eyes start to bleed
I can stare at my own reflection,
And watch as you're laughing at me.
I pretend in my mind I would kill you,
But I'd rather it was me dead instead.
I crave your touch,
I need your kiss.
You make me bleed,
I wish I would fall in love.
2007-11-27 11:19:32 · 10 answers · asked by The Dark Prince 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i feel your pain...*sighs
i love your poems...this one is...
beautiful and painful..
2007-11-27 11:25:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Oh how very sad like you said. A girl controlling him when he could do things until he bleeds to death and wanting the girl. The I in the poem wants to just die. Oh I feel the pain! I think you need to fix the middle part of the poem though but very well done the Dark Prince!!!
2007-11-27 13:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by Bloom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think it's ok, but not one of your best. i thought the rhythm was a little uneven, though that might be good, because it gets the atmosphere of bad things. i think with some editing it could be really good - try changing the word order a little, and switching some words for others....e.g 'but i'd rather it was me who died' (not saying that's the best choice for that line - just a quick example.)
as to the first answerer, you clearly are new to the poetry section. look at the Dark Prince's profile, look at some of his other poems.
2007-11-28 03:01:02 · answer #3 · answered by kleptomanic sheep 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your poem was very realistic and sad to,I feel for this man in the poem who only wanted the girl; and all she did was hurt and belittle his poor soul. why did he have to find such a heartless girl ; when all he wanted was for her to care .It;s an emotional poem but i loves every part of it.The people who criticized your poem ; know nothing of your work; as you write wonderful poetry daily,I think your a great person and your poetry is fantastic too,,, love U
2007-11-27 13:44:16 · answer #4 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Red rain fall from eyes
Turning blue within the soul
Dichotomy of colors
Sad poem =(
2007-11-28 04:21:03 · answer #5 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although this isn't a poem, it DOES contain some poetic images. Maybe you could write this in paragraph form as poetic prose and keep it as a sort of journal of your feelings. As you overcome your problem, you can read back and survey your progress and your recovery from the problem you describe.
2007-11-27 22:27:51 · answer #6 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you were right,, it does relate. It rly is a great poem,, emotional,, the other side of me... you know what i mean. good work.
2007-11-27 14:27:32 · answer #7 · answered by dragonflyy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i so totally love it i just love all of your poems i just wish that you find happiness i wih you well and know i'm here for you
2007-11-27 11:38:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you are ten it wasn't bad.
If you are older and have any real aspiration for poetry I would probably choose a different career path cause it was incredibly unoriginal and the word choices stunk
2007-11-27 11:24:12 · answer #9 · answered by Chara Pointshot 4 · 0⤊ 6⤋
Horrid.
It is very sad to see people think that they are poets.
And even sadder to see others agree.
I see your daily refuse, and am sick.
2007-11-27 11:56:25 · answer #10 · answered by Harry Lillis 2 · 0⤊ 6⤋