What do you do when a co-worker or family member make remarks about someone black?

Question

We go out for happy hour sometimes and my boss is like blacks are this and that..very negatively. I really just laugh it off and so to the other guys. I felt really bad today when he started talking about one of my beautiful black co-workers (looks like Naomi Cambell but not so much of a ho) very degrading saying that he just asks her to bring him things on purpose so he can look at her. Lots of "pretty for a dark black" comments and stuff. The other guys (all white) thought it was pretty funny stuff...they will prob follow suit. I mean really if she only KNEW the stuff they were saying about her!

Any one else work or live with people like this?

datbefat: you werent there and he said a heck of alot more things about my pretty black co-worker than I should mention. Things he wanted to do..etc. You didnt answer the question...

Answer 1

Unfortunately, I have to deal with the opposite of this a lot. I have associates (not friends) who say the most horrible things about white people. I remember this one girl who's a friend of a friend of mine who said that her roommate "talked white" and "had too many white friends" or something and she laughed about it but I didn't find it funny. I thought it was very ignorant of her. I don't usually respond to things like this because really, how do you respond? "Oh, don't say that. That's wrong." They're not going to listen to that. They're just going to call you sensitive and make you the butt of their next joke.

The best thing to do in situations like this is remain silent. Once they see you're not laughing at their "jokes" they'll start to realize that they're not so funny after all.

Answer 2

I have relatives who are racist like this, but fortunately I can avoid them.

I worked at a job where everybody swore a lot, and I found myself slipping into it a bit. I made a decision not to, and started making comments ("When did I join the navy?"). My boss did pick up on my comments (the rest were clueless) and did start avoiding the swearing himself.

I'm not sure that your comments will change the situation that much. Is this a big company? One with an HR department? Could you maybe record it next time (my MP3 player can record too)? If you are going to take a stand, it could cost you your job. It's the right thing to do, but is it something you can afford to do? On the other hand, if you stay, you will continue to feel bad. At the very least, I would not follow suit and laugh along with them. If they ask you, you can simply state that you don't find that type of humor funny, matter of factly. Maybe they will tone it down a bit. This too may cost you moving up.

I'll bet your co-worker knows that she is not treated equally because she is black, and also probably knows that she is looked upon by the boss as a sex object. You can talk to her about it, but don't be shocked if she already knows.

Now if you treat her with respect, kindness, politeness, etc. your racist co-workers may well catch on that you don't share their views. Some of your co-workers may well share your views, but like you, were unsure what to do and so laughed with the boss? Maybe your standing up will allow them the courage to stand with you?

I would encourage you to take a stand. She's not in a position to stand up for herself, seeings as this is all done behind her back. It may cost you to do so, but I would argue that going along with injustice costs far more in the grand scheme of things.

Answer 3

Let me qualify my answer by stating I am Black, but Im aware that many, many white people do this in the comfort of their homes or with friends, even those who swear they arent "racist" LOL...why do you laugh with your ignorant azz boss, you know, at work one day we had an in service given by a sales rep, who was a leisure suit wearing man with an alcoholic red nose...now this is a majority Black group of people, some whites too...and while we were waiting for the rest of the department to arrive, he decided to tell a joke. Well, the joke started out "there was this German baby and this Jewish baby...." and it ended up with the "Jew baby shytting all over himself when the German baby said coo", I cant remember the particulars, but it was a really offensive, bigoted thing. Some people laughed nervously and looked around, I dont think that anybody believed what they were hearing. I was shocked and disgusted and apparently it showed on my face, because the man said "oh, you dont think thats funny? here, do you think this is funny?" and waved his four fingered hand...I glared at him and said "No, but lets talk about your suit", I got up and went into my Jewish BOSS office and promptly told him what was going on...needless to say, that salesman was kicked out and his company was called about him. I never laugh at stuff like that.

Answer 4

I would put them in check real quick. Sometimes i sit and listen to how people talk i let them run their mouths for a bit first then i let them know that my wife is a Black woman and they have that oh snap look on their face. Then i know their true colors. When i was in the military my supervisor was like oh welcome here and if u need help let me know had me in a nice job then he saw a picture of my wife i put on my desk and bam change take the desk away go to a messed up job send him to the field all the time etc. I like to sit and listen to the real people then i know who im cool with.
"Racism is an illness R U sick?"

Answer 5

I understand that you want to change the situation but as long as you keep just laughing it off, you are just a part of the problem.

If you really want to assuage the situation, you need to say right then and there that you don't think those jokes are inappropriate. It is taking a risk, but the truth is that your boss should respect not only your wishes but the fact that you had the gall to speak up. No doubt he will continue these jokes with people who feel the same way.

datbefat - The thing about isms is that they don't always equal hate. That's simple thinking. Think back to slavery and the slave masters who would have sex with the slaves. Also, think about what sexism is. Sexist men may dislike, hate or have no respect for women and view them as objects only to be used for their purposes.

Answer 6

Why ARE you working with people like this.
Why are you laughing it off.
Why don't you stand up, look the man in the eye and say "I don't appreciate the way you are insulting "----------" you are a racist, and I choose not to be in your company".

Tell me, why don't you do something like that.

Afraid of loosing your job. Afraid that you would look like a....? If I was listening in on that conversation, and you stood up and said something as mentioned above, I would think that you were a non-prejudicial, non-racist person, who was standing up for what you believed in.

"If she only Knew the stuff they were saying about her!"

If she only knew that you were going along with this conversation and not objecting, what do you say she would think about YOU, not them but YOU. You are probably friendly with her at work, and she thinks you are a "neat guy".

I have been in this kind of situation before, both outside my home and inside my home. Outside, I said exactly what I mentioned above. Inside my home, I have asked that person to leave my house.

If you don't stand up and speak out, you are the same as they are, racist.

Answer 7

Yep. I know a lot of people who still talk & think like that. The only thing you can do is shut-up until you get another job or move to a place where people are used to living in a more DIVERSE culture & atmosphere. You can"t change these kind of people. You just have to learn how to tune them out. I visit a town where many of the people still openly & proudly use the "N" word. It's sad, but that's just how they are & I accept them that way. Although I don't want to join them!

Answer 8

I am embarrassed for your spinelessness. Here you are, white male American, on top of the world, too much a weenie to say "excuse me boss, this humor is insensitive and I wouldn't be supportive of your executive career if I didn't suggest that you should confine it to the garage of your own home."
I'm not going to get into the death camp comparisons, I think you know that the easy way for evil to succeed is for good people to say nothing.

Answer 9

I tell it, especially in this case where the girl is being used. I agree with Maureen and others too - you are supposed to be a man, right? Race/racism aside, defend the woman's honor, if nothing else... is chivalry completely dead?!

Answer 10

I think it should be reported immediately and I also think you should confront him about, man to man, face to face. Some people dont realize they are being assholes until someone really lets them know they are.