My bf is really smart & finacially blessed i should say, i came into the relationship accepting his daughter and he accepting my son our children are from different relationships.we all live together & he praises his daughter daily which is good, but he never says anything to my son, my son is usually left mute while he's kissing the ground she walks on. and i know this hurts my son. he allows her to do whatever she wants which i dont agree because my son isnt allowed to do as he pleases, he's just a kid. he allows the "in laws" to shower her w/ gifts and take her to big events meanwhile my son is left at home w/ me, ( i do interact w/ my son on those occasions) however i have one job. he brags all day about her even to me and i cant help but to get annoyed because i dont want to hear all of that all day,when there is another kid that needs attention, it all boils down to the point of, dude! your kid is being treated as if she's the only kid and that's not right, how do i talk to him?
2007-11-27 09:54:55 · 17 answers · asked by KAT 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds like he really loves his daughter which is a good thing. Maybe he doesn't even realize he is leaving your son out. I'd flat out say how much it hurts that he does not equally praise the both of them. If he gets offended, you might want to rethink the relationship. Btw, my husband was in that same situation. He was the son who was ignored, even when his mother married. The ILs didn't even give him a Christmas present when they went to their house to visit, but they gave presents to the 'blood' children. Needless to say, he had a very sad childhood. He always wonders why his mom let her husband treat him like that. Do you want your son to start doubting your love for him? He will if you don't say something!
2007-11-27 10:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by Katie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't even worry about the "in laws" at this time. You two aren't married yet. Maybe that will change when you are his wife.
You want to know how to talk to him? Just like this:
"...he praises his daughter daily which is good, but he never says anything to my son, my son is usually left mute while he's kissing the ground she walks on. and i know this hurts my son. he allows her to do whatever she wants which i dont agree because my son isnt allowed to do as he pleases, he's just a kid."
"...he brags all day about her even to me and i cant help but to get annoyed because i dont want to hear all of that all day,when there is another kid that needs attention, it all boils down to the point of, dude! your kid is being treated as if she's the only kid and that's not right..."
Don't be afraid to be brutally honest. If he loves you he will listen.
That's how you talk to him, Just like you talk to us.
Feel me?
2007-11-28 11:24:02 · answer #2 · answered by Califiyah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one.You have to be honest with him,me and my husband used to have this same problem with his son from a previous relationship. It took me a long time to get so fed up with this and put my foot down.You have to look out for your son and expect that both children have the same set of rules to follow this is only fair for the children. I found my self overcompensating for the attention that my child wasn't getting from my husband family now she is verry clingy with me. Let him know that if he loves you he has to accept your son too because the two of you are a packaged deal. The two of you need to work out a united front,or things will never work out.GL and above all else always enjoy your son,don't let your b/f make him feel like he is not welcome.
2007-11-27 18:17:02 · answer #3 · answered by ali 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first of all he showers her because she is his daughter and second you son is just that second which you see is not fair well I think it is not he accepted you with your son and you with his daughter and it needs to be even and if it is not then I suggest you look at the ground you are walking on and you pack your sons and your bags and leave he is the one that comes first and he always he the one to come fist so get your things and leave.
2007-11-27 18:05:55 · answer #4 · answered by Lost 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow if he can't treat and love your son the same way he loves his daughter then he has a problem. i understand that there is a special bound between them after all it is HIS daughter but still i would actually be harder on my kid just to make sure that the two of you were integrated and respected as member of the family. This is going nowhere. what bothers me the most is the fact that the grand parents get her gifts and take her out but leave your child behind ... what kind of uneducated people are they? to do that to a kid? what a shame. straighten it or tell him to get a clue. good luck/.
2007-11-27 18:01:28 · answer #5 · answered by caliguy_30 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what you told us, but the thing is he owes you NOTHING, you are his shack up honey NOT his wife.Big difference.
You said he accepted your son.Sounds more like he "tolerates" your son.
Move out and be near your family if they are decent people or move back in WITH your family and raise him until you get things straightened out with this man or find a man who treats your son as his own.
To be honest there is a reason you arent with your son's dad, and it is likely that you dont pick men too well, or you do not really get to know them before getting too involved emotionally,sexually and with the living arrangements.
Remember he is his daughter,s dad not your son's dad.
2007-11-27 18:41:49 · answer #6 · answered by Joe F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to him about this? I really feel bad for your son, he needs some positive attention from ALL the adults living in the household...D
2007-11-27 19:43:20 · answer #7 · answered by HeavyD 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of that relationship. He is just bad news. Your son needs to come first.
2007-11-27 17:59:32 · answer #8 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is really no way to tell you what to say to him.. you could try to talk to him.. but it may do no good.. then you have to decided weather you will stay with him or not.. I too have 2 kids.. and my bf has 3.. now his oldest i try to include in things.. and I buy her stuff like i do my other 2.. but the youngest 2 .. i don't because of the mother..instead we buy them good birthday and christmas gifts.. well better than he did before we got together and he did not have my credit cards to get them something with...
2007-11-27 18:08:39 · answer #9 · answered by vis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you arent married, but we're in the marriage and divorce section....
Anyway, if he wants to spoil his own kid then let him do it. I don't see a problem in that. However, you fail to mention how you treat his daughter. If you dont dote on his daughter and he doesn't dote on your son, then you dont really have much to complain about.
So if you don't like it, take it up with him. Communication is key in any relationship. Good Luck.
2007-11-27 18:05:37 · answer #10 · answered by Kris W 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋