Future In-laws hate me and bad case of mommas boy need advice PLEASE!!?

Question

Im getting married in 08'. My fiances full portuguese and his dad doesnt like me because im not portuguese and im hispanic, His mom plays the part when im with him. They want nothing to do with our wedding and he doesnt care!He blows it off like its nothing. Everytime his mom calls and asks him to do things he does it right away but when i ask he tells me later or another time. Plus his mom calls him everyday who knows how many times.We've been engaged for 2 years and our families never met. Should i step up and say something or cancel the wedding?

Answer 1

Well, sounds kind of like me and my husband. I'm white, his family is Hispanic and they were not thrilled with him marrying a girl who is neither Catholic nor Hispanic. They went to the wedding, but I didn't ask nor did they offer to help with it. Our families never met until the wedding day, and they weren't pleased to see my parents were divorced.

After 4 years they are at least respectful to me, even if they aren't affectionate. We live 4 hours away and he still drives down once a month to help them with the family business (they use him instead of hiring and IT computer guy). He does tons of stuff for them, but I never say anything.

What it comes down to is, do you REALLY care what they think about you? I didn't care. I love my husband, he loves me, and he married me even though his parents didn't like it. I pretty much only make appearances when I have to (holidays and such). Otherwise, he visits them by himself. I really couldn't care less about the situation. I married him, not his family.

Answer 2

Think of this like a foot ball team with 11 players. Half of the team is your family and the others half of the team is his. He is the quarterback and you are the center which gives him the ball. Your team is playing the rest of the world. With half of the team fighting you and not working closely with the quarterback, no games will ever be won. Is this fun, No! Do you want a winning team? If so, you have some options. #1 is, Get a new team. #2 is stay on this team like it is and be a looser. Or #3 Take this team and figure out a way to get all the player pointed towards the same goal, which is you and your husband being happy. Good luck and I hope you have a successful season : )

Answer 3

Okay, I'm being totally serious here, not just some weirdo on yahoo answers giving you advice without thinking it through - do NOT marry this person until or unless you can solve this problem, because it will make you so miserable I can't even tell you!
You need to be on the same page with regards to what marriage means - leaving the parents and cleaving to eacother. Marriage does not work when there are more than 2 people calling the shots in it. My in laws and husband are this same way and I'm about to go ape because I am cut out of all decisions - she says jump, he says how high, and I'm wondering what the heck is going on all the time. I'm pretty laid back, but even mellow people like to be in control of their own destiny, and with mother in law in the picture dictating orders it feels like life is totally out of my control.
Talk to your finacee, tell him that when you marry, his mom no longer gets a vote in how you two do things. It's you and him. Tell him you need to see him do this successfully before you get married. Counselling is a good start.
Best of luck, don't take this lightly.

Answer 4

In the beginning, marriage seems to magnify all of our bad character flaws 100% and weaken all our good, we are tested. So if you don't like it now, you will not be able to tolerate it after getting married. MARRIAGE IS A LOT OF CONSTANT WORK !!! Don't start your marriage off already on the wrong foot. Think about it. Your kids are going to need grandparents. Both of you are going to need support! If they are not supportive now, it will just get worse. I know I've been married for 24 years.That is one area that's been soooo hard for us as a couple. My daughter was just crying today asking why her grandparents didn't like her. Breaks my heart ! I would not do it the same way over. We didn't understand the great odds that were stacked up against us. Yes we are married but our kids have suffered so much because of both of our parents!

Answer 5

Hands down...cancel and Run like the wind in the other direction!
Honey, think about it, many marriages end in divorce because of financial and interpersonal problems....that in itself is bad enough....but , when you enter into a marriage with those two factors alone uncharted and unknown, but KNOWINGLY carry along a negative energy relationship with future in-laws...well, you are asking for failure. They SAY that we don't marry the family, just the groom, well I am here to tell you that is a LIE! YOU DO MARRY the family! Lock stock and barrel! Blood is thicker than water and his devotion to his MOTHER will forever be stronger than one he adopts with you, find y ourself someone who has a mom and dad that love you as much as they love your new fiance. it will make all the difference in a long and fulfilling married life, believe me! I just want you to be happy,
Don't sell yourself short!
Pray about it, and be thankful you are not already wed to this dangerous situation.

Answer 6

Run!!! It will get worse! Been there. When you marry someone, you marry their family. Think how it would be if you had children and you have to deal with that? The fact he doesn't stand up for you is a red flag. Better get out now while you are ahead of the game and major plans haven't been made and money spent. If you ever have doubts about marriage- don't do it!

Answer 7

If you believe that you need their approval in order to marry into the family then you have a long road ahead of you. Its not easy but there are couples just like you. I personally really wanted my parents blessing before I got married and it worked out in my favor. If had to choose between my family and the man I love, I wouldnt give up on either one without a fight. Needless to say, my in-laws are finally coming around.

Answer 8

Talk with your fiance and ask him how he feels about you.
Ask him if he loves you enough to want to marry you still.
Let him know that you feel that this relationship isn't going anywhere and that you need his support. Tell him, if he loves you then he needs to speak up for you when his mother or father have something negative to say about you.
Let him know that you don't feel like he honors you when his parents are present and it's about high time that he expresses how he truly feels about marriage.
If he does all these things, then make plans to get your parents and families together for a dinner, etc.
You know that you cannot depend on a man to do the planning, us women are better handling that kind of thing.
If we left it up to the men, then it wouldn't happen.
-Good luck, God Bless & Happy Holidays.

Answer 9

Now is the time to really think about this, because once married mommy and daddy are going to be in your life constantly and youre not going to like to play second to his parents.True its a marriage between you and him only, but his parents will play a big part in trying to destroy you so youve got to figure out if its worth the stress or cut your losses now and move on and be happy. Good luck

Answer 10

Listen i am Portuguese as well (decent) but never will i accept my family to be against the one i loved. He is indeed very attached to his momma and it won;t go away that easily. choices you have are stick around and wait for a change which might never happen ... take off and tell him that you are sorry that you love him but you cannot stand to be second to his family. Once together you should come first. good luck.