I really messed up with my wife. How can I make it up to her?

Question

I really made a stupid mistake. I totally forgot my first anniversary. It was not intentional by no means. But, she sees it as me not wanting to be with her any longer & doom for our marriage. I love her very much and have absolutely no intention of splitting up. So, as some background to the situation, here is what I am dealing with. My wife is pregnant with our first child. I have been working overtime at my day job and picked up a second job as a waiter to make some extra cash to pay off some bills that I have before the baby comes. I have been very worried about money as she will not be able to work very much after the baby arrives and it now looks like my day job company is on the rocks and may not last 3 months. I am totally stressing being a first time dad and wanting to be the bread winner. I have not told her about the job so as not to worry her more. But, I am totally in the doghouse and don't know how to right my wrong. I lost sight of the forest for the trees.

Answer 1

Wow! I feel for you. I have been in your shoes. I just want to start by saying, take each response you get from this question and pick them apart. Take what is valuable and move forward. My response and suggestion would be to take ownership in your shortcomings. Don't let them bring you down. Build/improve from them. I also think that the most important and beneficial thing that you can do is to be upfront with your wife and include her in on your concerns as should she with hers. You both will find that you play a role in building the other up. It is also important for you both to understand that you may not agree on all things. It is OK, you don't have to.
That's where respect of feelings comes in. I also suggest that you focus more on the positive in your life. I am not saying that it is easy. Most people do not realize that they are already successful in many ways. Take your challenges and compare them to things you have already conquered or overcame.

Best Wishes!
Marriage is Grand!

Answer 2

Tell her.....

I really made a stupid mistake. I totally forgot my first anniversary. It was not intentional by no means. But, she sees it as me not wanting to be with her any longer & doom for our marriage. I love her very much and have absolutely no intention of splitting up. So, as some background to the situation, here is what I am dealing with. My wife is pregnant with our first child. I have been working overtime at my day job and picked up a second job as a waiter to make some extra cash to pay off some bills that I have before the baby comes. I have been very worried about money as she will not be able to work very much after the baby arrives and it now looks like my day job company is on the rocks and may not last 3 months. I am totally stressing being a first time dad and wanting to be the bread winner. I have not told her about the job so as not to worry her more. But, I am totally in the doghouse and don't know how to right my wrong. I lost sight of the forest for the trees.

IE..... The honest truth

If that is what realy happend she should understand, and if not you should question you relationship.

If and when you do get things sorted you should realy go to town and treat her, full restrant meal, flowers etc.... but not until your sorted, otherwise she will think your just buying your way out of it.

Best of luck
Wazzer

Answer 3

I agree with nice lady above, is prob mainly hormones ,you could tell her you were so busy dreaming up baby names and thinking about what he/she will look like when they arrive that you totally forgot, I would personally tell her about the jobs though as she may be thinking you are out at night cavorting and thats why you forgot as you have a fancy woman!!
Most women feel unattractive with a bump so she is probably insecure at the moment and when you forgot your anniversary that was the final straw she put 2 and 2 together and made 5.
Tell her how sorry you are and how bad you feel already without being in the dog house, you might even get brownie points for doing the extra stuff so you didn't have to stress her out.
Hope all goes well, she will forgive you soon, help her with the baby but most of all talk to her, she doesn't know how stressed you are if you try to hide it from her, but will know that something is wrong, just not what.

Answer 4

Wow. So this one kind of depends on whether your wife knew about those bills you had before you got married.

If she knew you had the bills, and you were just keeping it secret that you were working a second job, well, that's a little silly but very romantic. If she loves you, then just explain about the second job, apologize, and chances are she'll understand that you've been doing everything you can for the relationship in your own misguided way. In the future, you might want to clue your wife in about major changes in your life, like taking a second job. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, and not just a division of labor. I totally understand your desire not to worry her with your job stress, and you're doing the right thing if you're not coming home every night and whining about how tired you are or whatever. But covering up the fact that you even have a job in the first place is kind of extreme. She's obviously noticed that you're under stress--you may as well briefly explain where the stress is coming from.

On the other hand, if you were lying about the bills, or somehow just making sure that your wife never found out about them, then you're in big trouble. Couples therapy might help, if you can afford it or if you can find someone who can provide it for free or for cheap. If you have a pastor or priest or rabbi or something that you and your wife both like, he/she might be willing to help you save your marriage. But basically, if you've been running your life as you see fit and not telling your wife about it, and now your wife is going to have a child that won't have as much financial/emotional support as she expected (because even if you do manage to pay off all the bills, it means working so hard that you're not really yourself), then you don't have any right to ask for anything from her. You just kind of have to promise to stop hiding the truth from her, ask her what she needs, and prepare yourself for some long hard years of regaining her trust.

Answer 5

Truth is always the best idea. If she knows the reason why you forgot your anniversary, she'll understand.
To hide the fact that you're stressed about money and the baby, is not giving her credit for being a mature adult who married you to deal with everything that comes both your ways. Marriage is about sharing not only the good thoughts, but those that you couldn't possibly express to somebody else. She, no doubt has thought about money and what a new baby brings to the stress level.
Too many couples don't talk about finances. One of the partners handles the money and the stress about it. Don't make that mistake. Just tell her in the most relaxed way possible, but make sure she understands where your finances are. Pregnant women should avoid undue stress, but that doesn't mean you need to protect them as if they're children.
Celebrate your anniversary tonight by reaffirming your vows to each other to stand by each other and comfort each other in the best way available to you at the time.....sharing thoughts and ideas.

Answer 6

I would make up another anniversary date soon and treat it as you would've the actual one. Send her flowers, candy, and a card all the regular stuff and write heart felt statements in the card YOURSELF. Draw her a bath, massage her feet, anything she like but have things planned out and thought out so it doesn't seem like your just winging it. Have a NEW robe for her after her bath and NEW massage cream stuff like that. Apologize again and again for the mistake. Have a whole date day planned (An entire day) Plant notes around the house like "You are the most wonderful woman ..." Hide them where she will continuously find them.
In the meantime get your resume all set up and start looking now. After this "Anniversary Day" is over tell her about the issue confide in her maybe she can help you. Start the conversation with "You know I will always take care of you (don't bring the baby into this) I don't want to worry you but I also don't want to not include your feelings into a company problem that involves our family..." Tell her about it but assure her you are doing everything you can to resolve the situation. Have examples of what your planning to keep the boat floating.
Can you tell my husband messes up a lot?!
Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like you were so stressed out with your job situation that you forgot about your anniversary. If you have an understanding wife, I'm sure she would understand your reasons on why you forgot and you should be honest about your job situation instead of trying to deal with it alone. Just because she is pregnant doesn't mean she can't handle certain issues that might come forth.

I am 25 weeks pregnant with my second child, so far there's no bad news that I can't handle. Besides, in a marriage it's best to communicate and deal with issues together so it can be resolved sooner than later.

Answer 8

Look, lighten up on yourself. Your wife is pregos. Her hormones are raging .... if they weren't she would not make such a huge deal of this.

You provide well for her and the coming baby; you are loving, attentive and obviously care for her. You have done nothing WRONG; you had a small oversight and if she can't over look that, her vows to love and cherish are obviously meaningless to her.

She is making you bear ALL the Stress and she is feeling like the wronged princess. It is time she woke up to the REAL world out there. Life is not all about her. In a marriage is about both of you.

If you feel so bad you are allowing her to make you feel that way; in my opinion she should be very grateful you are there for the IMPORTANT issues in life and marriage.

Take her some roses, and treat her to a dinner you made or something like that, and then ask her to lighten up so your stress level can come down a notch. Stress KILLS. Does she want your child to be fatherless before it is born.

Answer 9

First i recommend that you calm down a little ... Write the date on something you allways keep in your wallet and remember that it's in there , maybe on the back of her picture... 2nd keep an eye on whats in the paper for jobs and ask your friends if they know of anything and to keep their ears open for you.... if before the job your in crashes ,and you have the chance to jump from a sinking ship , then get in the life boat (new job) and do what we men do best .... stressing all the time will not help you feel any better about whats happening... stand tall and go for a diff. job.... As far as your missing the date you have two options!

1: Find a great place to take her out for the evening , a place that she will like regardless of how you much you may not like the place ....
2: Get two tickets to a concert that is her fav artist , not your's, and enjoy the night with her knowing that at least you tried your best to make it up to her.....and enjoy it with her

If you value your wife never forget things that are important for her ... they somehow never forget us do they?

Answer 10

I think if you were to explain to her what you have written here. I think she would understand and be a little more sympathetic to you forgetting. I think she will realize that your head has been spinning around and instead of a anniversary your worried about how to care for her and this baby. I would however try to get her some flowers or a nice pair of earrings and a apology but romantic card I think it best to show your affection to her. Tell her that you have just had so much going on and that your truly sorry for forgetting what was the best day of your life so far.