i need help, please do help me.?

Question

i m 23yrs old married i have a 15 months ol daughter.my problem is i never got any happiness from this mar'ge. my husband i very loving but when it comes to sex the he is not intersted in oral sex. he has never been romantic with me. (HE IS NOT A GAY). i have talked about this thousand time but he does not understand and tells me as what to do, when i say do so & so he says he does not like it. well my family and freinds are indifferent country. when i call up them they have their own saying. here i really have no body i tried to make friends here but no one seems like intersted. whole day me and my daughter are alone and i do take her to parks but there also no luck of any one who could be freinds becoz of language problem. i m very left alone and sad.

Answer 1

First off, don't dwell on the negatives. Your husband is the way he is, and some things just cannot be changed. I'm sure there are things he wishes were different about you, too - but you are who you are, and a part of having respect for your partner is to not force them into doing something they're uncomfortable with. You have to decide if a certain item is a deal-breaker for you - not everything is. Some (negative) things we just have to accept and tolerate, in exchange for other (positive) things.

You didn't list any of your husband's positive traits. There had to have been *something* that made you want to have him as your husband. If there's nothing redeeming about him, perhaps you have to face the fact that you're in a wrong relationship, and ask yourself if you would be better off on your own. Yes, you may have come from a different culture, but at some point you have to weigh culture and background against personal fulfillment and happiness. Don't be afraid to question things.

As you're pondering things, keep in mind that there are plenty of people who are not very affectionate, or who are uncomfortable performing certain acts in bed; this is why it's a good idea to get to know each other before jumping into getting married and having kids. Neither of you are being unreasonable - but you may be incompatible in certain things. How you resolve your differences is up to the two of you.

Don't give up on looking for friends. I don't know where you live, so I'm not sure what kind of environment you're in. Is it a large city, a small town, a rural area? Many communities put out a free community newsletter listing various activities and events that take place locally. Look for playgroups to meet other moms in your area. If you're not very outgoing, it may be difficult to meet people right off the bat - I come from a different country myself, and know first-hand how hard it can be. But you will acclimate eventually. Find a hobby you can enjoy; what are you interested in? It can be anything - crafts, pets, sports, games, history, etc. There are online forums and communities that are dedicated to various hobbies and interests, it can be a good way to learn more about different things and meet new friends. Local community centers often offer free classes; maybe it's something to look into. Can you work part-time? Can you find time to volunteer? Volunteering is an excellent way to meet new people who are welcoming and understanding. Do you follow a religion? Churches and other places of worship can help form a great support network. Can you meet people from your country - either locally or online? The thing is, you can't fully rely on anyone else (even your husband) to "make" you happy; you have to be able to make yourself happy. Take interest in things, find something to be happy about, and you will be able to see more clearly what you need to do to be even happier. Once you're more confident in yourself, your relationship may improve - or you may find that this is not the right relationship for you at all, and take the steps to make things right. Good luck. And don't be embarrassed about the fact that you're from a different culture - there are plently of people around who are "not from here"; it's really not a big deal.

Answer 2

There are tons of places that you can meet other mothers, try the library for their reading days, or join a little gym type of thing with the baby, also start planning a night out with you and your husband, hire a babysitter and go out and enjoy each other! The park is a great place to meet parents, bring cookies/cupcakes and offer them to the other moms and babysitters! You could also try taking some classes, your community should offer cooking classes, reading clubs, scrap booking classes, language classes! Just put yourself out there and you will find great friends! As for your husband, instead of telling him what you want, ask him what he wants. Maybe he is upset, you guys can talk to eachother about what to do to put a spark back in the marriage! Good luck!