i was with my b/f for 3 years...he was stuck acting like immature boy and i gave him many chances..i broke up with him 2 times for about 2 months and he never changed...so i finally left for real...its almost been 3 months and he says hes changed hes grown up and bla bla bla...i changed my number and the only way he can talk to me is through emails..i gave him 2 big chances to change...and in your opinion can someone really change and be what you wanted..or will they always be what they were.
2007-11-27 08:41:12 · 26 answers · asked by *Lovely 2* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Rob thanks for the laugh haha...i thought it was a fun hat!
2007-11-27 08:55:12 · update #1
im not trying to change him...i left becuase he was a jerk he says he has changed...i have done nothing to make him do that...geeze
2007-11-27 10:09:57 · update #2
Anyone can change. Whether or not they do is another matter.
I think the chances of your boyfriend changing is, at best, 5%.
He may change, but probably not for you. If you give him another chance, another chance, another chance, your pattern will never change. If he loses you forever, then he may realize how he screwed up and take that lesson into a future relationship and be a better person. If he always gets you back no matter how much he screws up, he has no reason to change.
2007-11-27 08:44:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Change happens when the person realizes that they need to make change, they want to make change. This happens because of the person-not because of outside pressures or threats from another person. However, what is more startling is that you believe that "you gave him 2 big chances" and you are counting them-as if you are issuing get out of jail free cards, and there is a quota allotted.
IMO, you have no idea what real love is-real love is accepting another human being and loving them in spite of their imperfections. Love does not have conditions, love does not demand that "you change to be what I want" because if he is not what you want already, then you should set him free. My grandmother used to say that she loved grandpa warts and all. I finally understand that, at the age of 40.
There may be a woman out there that does love him just how he is, does not demand that he grow up, and she is the right person for him. And you are waiting for him, when right around the corner, there is probably the person waiting that won't have to reconstruct who they are to please you, you will probably love them flaws and all, and be tolerant of their 'shortcomings' without such a demand for change.
(This written with the understanding that we are not talking about major issues like cheating or drug/alcohol or abuse-those issues do not change without major intervention.)
2007-11-27 16:57:41 · answer #2 · answered by Daisy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he might always have a little bit of immaturity in him. Sometimes you don't know what you have until it's out of your life, which I think might have happened to him where you're concerned. So it's not surprising that he's saying he changed after you've been gone for awhile. I would talk to him, but not be ready to get into another relationship with him just so that you can protect yourself.
2007-11-27 16:49:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are with someone for who they are if you are attracted to him that is why you were with him why is it that youladies are always trying to change us men. You get what you get we ain't going to change you date ajerk that's what you got, you date a nice guy that's what you have. Really if you think your going to change a guy your mistaken they are that way for a reason genetics the way they are raised, and really most of us are big kids that like playing video games and goofing off.
So if you are looking for the guy that is Mr. Perfect you might as well wait for a Robot that you can program. I bet there are alot of things that you do that gets on his nerves but I bet he just brushes it off because he loves you.
2007-11-27 17:03:41 · answer #4 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people can change if they want too, but they don't have to tell people they have changed, they let the action speak for themselves. dude has not changed in 3 months. he just realizes what a jerk he's been and cant believe he lost you. let him get himself together without you. if you run it him again in a year or two and if the feelings are still there you will know if he's changed. he will not have to tell you.
2007-11-27 16:48:07 · answer #5 · answered by slickric 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people change as they grow and mature and have life expereinces, not over a three-month time period, however. He's just lonely and missing having a girlfriend. Give him a few more years. You can either put up with him as he is and be happy or you can move on.
2007-11-27 16:46:31 · answer #6 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anybody can change but he would have to change because it was something that he wanted to do for hisself cuase if it was just for you then once things are good he will go back to the way he was.And in my experiance if a relationship does not work after a few tries then it will probably never work,but if you truely love him then i would say go for it.
2007-11-27 16:52:07 · answer #7 · answered by renee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may start off good but 9 times out of 10 he will return to the same person he was before. If you take him back be careful.
2007-11-27 17:00:39 · answer #8 · answered by dencur02 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actions speak louder than words....do You SEE a change, does he have a steady job? Bills? House? goals? or do you just know what he tells you? It is easy to say that we have changed, not so easy to actually do it. Three months is a very short time to make a drastic life altering change in anybody
2007-11-27 16:45:13 · answer #9 · answered by ~NIKKI~ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people do change, but they have to want to change themselves. If someone has to change to be what you want, it is not really them that you want then. I believe from personal experience that if you have already tried twice, then 3 strikes should tell ya what you need to know. Depending on his age, he may change, as he matures
2007-11-27 16:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋