I am a very nice person. But my question is why do I can keep attracting the wrong guys?

Question

I was married once to a very very abusive man. I left him, years later I got into another relationship that seemed like it was made in heaven. The moment I got pregnant this guy changed that when I delievered the baby I called him for a ride from the hospital, he called the police that I was harrasing him. I have never done anything wrong to this man, I did everything I could to help him and his kids. I have been torn apart by the way he treated me, I have so much hatred for this man now. I don't ever wish him anything good.

Please need somebody to pray for me and my kids!!! We have been through so much pain. I really can't trust anybody now...LIFE!

Answer 1

My prayers are with you and your kids.But when you get up in the morning. Look in the mirror and say to yourself "I am beautiful"! "I am pretty and I am worth being happy". Try to stay positive and look on the negative as learning survival skills. The one thing this man did for you is made you stronger and a blessing for others around you. Jesus loves you and so do thousands other. Tell your kids you love them every second you spend with them. And be thankful they are apart of your life. We can't make people change to the way we would like them to act. Free Will - God gave it to us all. So remember smile and say I survived" LIFE" for one more Minute, hour, day.

Answer 2

Well I hope you are apart from both of the guys from your past.
You have something very special that you need to hold onto and cherish with all of your heart and that is your children. The love you share is better than any love you can get from anyone else and that is a bond that will never be broken.
Focus on the good things in life and eventually you will find a good man to share your happiness and family with. Put your hatred behind you and come to peace with the whole ordeal (realize that you wouldn't have the child you have been blessed with without him, no matter how much you dislike him). Try soul mate searching in better locations such as events evolved around your children or a local church, or a good volunteer program. Good luck and keep your chin up!

Answer 3

Well its only two guys out of hundreds of possible guys. Don't be so ready to fall in love with them and have babies with them in future honey. You may need some kind of therapy to help you work out why you fall for not such nice men. Not all men are baddies. Yes, sure you are going through a tough time but it will get better and all will be well again. Forget, don't waste energy on wishing negative things to happen to him because all that will do is breed more negativity for yourself. Concentrate right now on you and your kids and growing as a person and when the time is right the right man will come along. There should be a club for 'im a nice person so why do i keep attracting all the wrong guys'- maybe you should start one, charge everyone a tenner to join and you will be mega rich at the end of the month!

Answer 4

It sounds to me like there are some self esteem issues going on with you. Just because bad things are happening to you does not mean it is your fault. There are several resources that you can use to get help. Check your community for things like a family resource center or other such organization. Battered women shelter also can direct you. They can get you in touch with programs for talking to a councelor, education, childcare, employment, safe housing ... etc. I've been in situations much like yours and found that my community has a lot to offer. If you need someone to talk to contact me via my email and I would be more than happy to be a friend while you work your way through all this nasty stuff. Just remember.... life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away. You can get through this but you can't do it alone. Believe me I tried doing that and it's a battle that will kill you so keep those that love you close and use your community for help. Lean on them a little, believe in yourself and you will overcome. Every storm has it's grey clouds but if you look there is always a silver linin and when the storm is over a beautiful rainbow. Keep your chin up girl and contact me if you need someone to listen.

Answer 5

take it easy, this happens. When you end any relationship especially the longer you have been in it, it must be treated for what it is, a "death". People do not realize this and immediately expect another to come along. No, one needs time to reflect, to deal with the emotions, to understand what went wrong, what attracted them, and why they stayed. This cannot be dealt with in a few months. Something has died, and part of you went with it, time is needed to renew and heal. The worst thing anyone can do is seek out of hurt, loneliness. Forget this jerk, put all your energies into the Kids and yourself, find some time to relieve your stress's try to learn to meditate, it does wonders for your mind. Do not hold a grudge, as it is like a cancer to the soul and will only hurt you. Wipe him clear out of mind, do not allow him space. There is a time and place for us all and yours will come. If one looks hard enough, they will find love it in all the wrong ppl. Fill your time. Let it find you. If there isn't something striking, bowl me over, about the person standing before you asking for a date, then turn him down. You will know him when he stands before you. But for now learn to make yourself and kids happy, no one else can do it for you. In the mean time know that many have your family in their hearts and prayers, wishing only the best for you.....may your Christmas come early and last all the year.

Answer 6

So sorry, life is a school and we are here to learn, at one stage of my life I had to ask the same kind of question, not in as bad circumstances as yours but bad enough.
For years I had to ask why ? One day the answer come to me while I was cleaning my toilet, it was like a light coming on and I knew the answer,
Because I let him get away with it, because of lack of self esteem,lack of character strenght, lack of love for who I was, it turned my life around, no, I did not become aggressive, turned sour at life, did not turn in to a man hater, I sat down and made a list of all the good qualities I had,and all of a sudden I though I am an o k person,the other pearl of wisdom, I realized that self esteem comes from self extension, no one is going to give it to us ,unless one grows up in a supportive environment, doing something, even if you do not think you can do it, and doing it well, take part time classes,found out what you are good at, we are all good at doing something and go for it.
I shall share with you the first thing I did,I went Bungy Jumping and boy was I terrified, but you know what I felt like a milion dollars, even now fifteen year later when I look at the wideo, I go YES I DID IT !!!!!
Another important thing is that getting to involved too soon is almost always a mistake, we all have warts, and some people are very good at hiding them.
It is very hard to hide those warts over a long period of time so, it pays to take things nice and slow so as to allow those warts or gifts to come to the surface. GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

You should go to a woman's shelter (Nova Vita). They will be able to tell you about the cycle of control and violence. It's complicated and psychological. It is said that a victim once is prone to being a victim all their life. You need to be able to recognize what you are worth, know what your values are, and know what you will not compromise on! It is really easy to want to please all of the time, do things just to make someone else happy. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it can be taken advantage of very easily. A man who is liable to become abusive is likely to show signs of controlling behaviour from the start. A man like the last one was probably likely to have shown signs that he wasn't too concerned about you, not caring about your priorities and preferences. Go talk to an expert about it. This will be a process, you can't do it alone, rally support behind you. That's what women are for!

Answer 8

Girl, me and my friends would say that My ideal man was one with: A criminal history a mile long, have a drug and/or alcohol problem, be abusive, and also be in constuction work of some kind, because that is all I EVER dated (which most of my ex's are now in the pen). Just be patient and believe that there at least a couple of good guys left because I finally found one, and it will happen when you least expect it. I am now married to my boyfriend from the 5th grade!! O by the way my prayers are with you and your children.

Answer 9

Sometimes the qualities we find attractive in the opposite sex are really the danger signs that someone is not right for us.

I knew a girl who was always looking for a "tough guy" who really had a big heart when what she needed was a big hearted guy who was prepared to hang tough when push came to shove. What she saw as "tough guy" behavior was really the danger signs that this person is not soft hearted.

I know a lady who is very tight with her money. She doesn't necessarily like to be this way, and finds herself attacted to men that are more happy-go-lucky. But she always ends up with someone who is irresponsible with their money and she is unhappy living that way.

You need a friend (maybe sister or cousin). Someone you can bounce things off of. If you question your own judgement about men, get a second opinion you can trust.

Answer 10

Oh my goodness! I have had a similar life. My sons are 34 and 33 now, but I look back and realized that the BEST thing I ever did was to join a Help Line for Domestic Abuse. I learned so much. Lots of training, talking, crying, sharing, loving....I could go on forever! It helped me in so many ways that I can't type them all. What is inside your heart and brain is what needs to be fixed...fine tuned....healed, whatever. Go and you'll change your life and your childrens' life enormously.