A friend of mine is about to separate from his wife. The choice is his although they have both admitted they have problems. We were out for drinks last week and there were three of us whose husbands left for another woman. During our discussion on to divorce or not he asked us that question - do you ever get over the bitterness ? It has been a year and a half for me and even though I feel I have recovered from everything that happened and moved on there is that little part of me that is still bitter and is still angry and hurt. Has anyone ever truly let all the bitterness go? If you did, how did you do it?
2007-11-27 08:22:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no other pain like divorce. After almost 13 years, it still hurts. I think I'm over it and then something will happen and there it is again along with the bitterness.
I think we need a reminder every once in a while, there are some things that shouldn't be forgotten.
As long as we don't let it cripple us and as long as we more forward and it makes us strong, it is serving a purpose. It reminds me never to be that stupid again. It reminds me never to put myself in a position to be hurt and used like that again. It reminds we to trust myself and my instincts. It reminds me to remember the only person you can count on 100% is myself.
2007-11-27 08:31:12 · answer #1 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have kids together, and you have to have dealings with the ex, I don't see how you ever get over all the aftermath and bad consequences that keeps popping up (custody issues, difference in values/discipline, mistrust, etc.) For me, I try very hard to put the past in the past, but I find it impossible to respect or trust the person that my ex has become. Does that make sense? It's like the old saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." My resentment and bitterness pops up when I see him having a "fair-weather" relationship with the kids totally on his terms--this fantasy weekend Daddy game he plays that is completely devoid of everyday responsibility and reality, and how out of either total ignorance or spite he allows and even encourages them to do things he should know better than to allow after I have already told them no. He waits until the last minute and then tries to sabotage family plans for holidays, etc.
As you can see, what you may call "bitterness" tends to pop up now and again in new ways, but I try to keep it in the present tense and in the context of "the best interest of the children" at all times.
Time heals old hurts somewhat, and I have tried very hard to put distance and boundaries between what was then and what is now. Moving from the house we lived in together helped, as did the fact that he is in another town and I don't have to risk running into him in public. If we hadn't had kids together, I think I would have been even more successful at moving on and forgetting and just living in the moment of a fresh start. My faith helps, too, and having a wonderful re-marriage that is everything my first marriage wasn't!
2007-11-27 08:32:38 · answer #2 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can get over the bitterness by realizing that it happened and you have to move on. I will give you a good site that you can share with the others that will help you get past that but you have to move on and try again to find the right person and then the happiness will wash away the bitterness. It dows take time though. Good Luck to you!!
2007-11-27 08:36:04 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal to feel bitter,hurt and anrgy,the only way u can get over your bitterness is to realize that it is not your choice but your husbbands choice to leave.if he wants to b somewhere else then u should respect his wish,remember it is not your fault,if you both have tried to save the marriage and the other person still has not come to terms with making things work then u must realize that u have given your best shot.letting go is hard and to move on you should date other people spend time with friends and look on the bright side of things,there could have been way worse things to have happend to you such as abuse etc.look at the beatiful things the world has to offer.i have just went through a somewhat simular situation, my guy told me things cannot work and there was nothing i could do to make it work.i did feel angry and bitter but once i hung with a couple of friends went out with some guys i saw that if he could find someone so could i.there r lots of people to meet,some good, some bad,time heals everything ,it wont b easy but it will get better.
2007-11-27 08:45:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can. I got over mine after a few years, just from realizing that I moved on with my life, and it's actually better than it was before. The bitterness completely disappeared after I got re-married, because basically I never think about the previous marriage.
Time helps heals all wounds ... and in this case, bitterness.
2007-11-27 08:28:21 · answer #5 · answered by John R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are saying, was,...married for 31 years, he messed up and I'm bitter but I've gone to support groups a course I took to help me get over this, well I'm trying to get over this pain.
2007-11-27 08:28:42 · answer #6 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can get really good advice at www.survivinginfidelity. com---this site is great for advice on all kinds of situations. Good luck sweetie.
2007-11-27 14:07:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋