My wife left me and my children 3 months ago for another man. Now she is asking to come back. Should I let her

Question

I'm still in love her, but I have my doubts if she loves me or just wants to be back with her children.

Answer 1

my wife did the same thing to me and i let her come back and she did it again , so don't let her come back, read my story

Answer 2

It will be best for your kids to have both a mom and dad at home. She will need to earn your trust again (big time). I would take her back. You probably want some conditions, like going to counciling, etc. If you can get past your hurt and pain and be willing to take this for the sake of your kids, it may be the best thing you can do, but it will not be easy. Hope that your marriage can be reconciled, but be guarded with your heart. She will earn your trust, if she honestly wants to come back.

All these people saying "no way" are only thinking of themselves and how they would feel. They do not love and care about your kids. I would put the kids first. It may put your heart through the wringer if she chooses to leave again, but be prepared to go through that pain for those kids.

Maybe you might consider this conference:

http://www.familylife.com/conferences/

called "A Weekend to Remember". Sometimes a conference like this can jumpstart the healing process and get your marriage back on track.

Answer 3

People can make mistakes. However, to up and leave you, especially when you have kids, for someone else is a pretty big transgression. The most straightforward answer would be no, but I realize you say you are in love.

I would get her to explain to you why she did what she did, and why she wants you back. Then I would make her wait a year before you make a decision. In that time you may realize that your feelings have changed also. It is hard to make a rational decision when the heart is involved.

If you are going to let her back in your life, be very guarded. Again, probably the smart thing to do would not to get involved again, but easier said than done.

Answer 4

This is a really big deal. You are at a crossroads whether you know it or not. I can understand, to some degree, a woman leaving her husband but a woman that would abandon her children has something wrong with her.

You're an adult and if you wanted to forgive and forget, that would be one thing but for her to hurt your children that way and now want to come back. What if she leaves again? Think what this would do to your children.

I say you really need to take it slowly and be smart. She'd have to really earn my trust and prove to me that things are different.

Answer 5

If you still love her and she wants to come back, try counseling first to try to find out why she left. There may be a reason that the two of you can work out. did she feel not needed? Is your life together boring? and so on. If you sit down and talk about it you may get a better idea of whether to give her another chance and how to make the marriage work this time or whether to file for the divorce. Good Luck to you either way.

Answer 6

once a cheater always a cheater, i bet your children are just starting to heal from there mom leaving them , if she comes back she can file for divorce and then retain custody of the kids, you could make her sign over custody of the children to you before she moves in , just in case, i know a couple that did the same thing , she left her hubby and 3 kids , he let her back but before he did they had custody papers signed up to give him custody , he found out she was cheating again a couple months later, and kicked her out . i think its more trauma to the kids if you let her back.

to a REAL MOTHER , their children come first, before any man before anything ,this women is not a mother or she would not have left her children for a man . she will only cause your children more problems

Answer 7

I am sorry about your situation and as much as it is great she wants to be with her kids again, i don't think it is a good idea for you. She can still be a mother to her children, but why would you want to be with a woman who would chose a man over her marriage and her children, that shows she has no commitment and does not care about you and her children's feelings, if she can do that to you. Best advice is to ask her to be there for her kids even more now, since she abandoned them for a man, but don't stay with her.

Answer 8

She's damaged goods. Take her back and the skank will play you like a fiddle. She's been gone for 3 months and probably having sex with him every night, while you were home with the kids. Now, she's either tired of him or he didn't live up to the false promises...your the scape goat.

Take her back and she'll bleed you dry, mentally, physically and money wise. Besides, you really care to catch an STD from her? 6-months from now you may be getting REAL bad news from your doctor.

Answer 9

I have learned from experience that once someone cheats things are never the same. She may not cheat again, but then again she may. Also, you need to realize that the hurt doesn't just go away. The relationship will never be like it was. Think of yourself and your children, are you willing to go through it again if she does it again, are the kids willing to go through it again? I would have to say it is your choice, but if I was in your shoes, I would say no way she can't come back!

Answer 10

I would say start off with counseling with her on the outside the house. Once you've gained that trust back and the counselor says its okay and you feel that you can/can't have a future with her in that way then you take it from there. Don't let her back in until your trust is back b/c your decision affects the kids too. They come first.

Answer 11

I would definatly let her come back, Sometimes women need to experince a different lifestyle to realise how good they had it in their current relationship.

I have personally gone through this experince, difference being i am the women. I was bored with our life, the children kept me bogged down, i need to live a little so i took off with another man. it was then that i realised how much i missed my family, how good i had it and how perfect my husband really was for me.

I thank god so much that he took me back, i would have been lost without him. Please take your wife back, she needs you and she wants to be with you. Sometimes people just need to learn things the hard way.