I am a teacher, and my husband has been spying on me for a couple of months now. I hear from students and other teachers that he parks in various locations and stares at the school. After dismissal, I used to stay to clean up my classroom, grade papers, etc. Now he only wants me to stay a half hour at the most, and apparently he watches during that time. I am so angry because he has no reason not to trust me. I never spy on him, go through his wallet, look at his cell phone or anything. He won't allow me to have a password on my phone because he says he has the right to check messages and calls at any time. I do not do anything wrong for him to be acting this way. I have asked him to stop, but he says that means I am doing something I don't want him to see. It's not that, just the fact that I feel like I am being stalked by my own husband. Has anyone had a spouse like this? What should I do?
2007-11-27 07:37:10 · 23 answers · asked by Dragonfly23 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a big early warning sign. He has issues and needs to get professional help. If left unchecked this could easly wind up turning into spousal abuse and worse. If he is unwilling to seek help then you should seriously consider leaving him.
2007-11-27 07:43:15 · answer #1 · answered by Robert B 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... If you don't know that his behavior is pretty freakin out there, than maybe YOU are the one with the problem! You're a teacher of children and you have to post a question to get opinions from others to validate your problem. Not a very good role model at the very least. Did you think someone would say, "Gosh, this is all in your head. That's perfectly normal behavior, all husbands stalk their wives at their jobs!" Get real! As I see it you have two choices, let him stalk you until someday something real or imagined sets him off and you end up as a statistic in the morgue, or you get his *** into some serious treatment.
2007-11-27 16:32:19 · answer #2 · answered by smf_hi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This behavior is controlling, and he is stalking you. You husband has a very low self-esteem and is also very controlling.
He needs to see a counsellor to work on his issues, but in the meantime, why are you letting him do this???
If you want a password on your phone, put it there. If he doesn't like it, tough toodles. He can accept it or he can leave. That's his choice, same as it's your choice whether or not you want a password on your phone.
Now think about this, if he becomes more aggressive in this behavior, he's going to put your students in danger, and could cost you your job.
Also, if you have children do you really want this type of behavior modeled for them? I didn't think so.
You must set clear boundaries NOW about what IS and IS NOT acceptable, and you must set consequences and then STICK TO THEM. If you do nothing, he will have no incentive to change, and therefore will NOT change.
INSIST that he get professional help.
In the end, only you can decide what behavior you're willing to accept, but this sounds very dangerous to me.
2007-11-27 15:50:13 · answer #3 · answered by kyeri y 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has been bit by the green-eyed monster and this is dangerous. This is called stalking and it isn't normal. Marriage does not give the unmitigated right to place unreasonable expectations on anyone. You are a teacher and he needs to know that what you do is your job. If he is so insecure, he must be guilty about something...or you would think. I would bust him. Seriously, I would come up on him while he was spying on me and scare the poop out of him. This isn't healthy.
2007-11-27 15:55:31 · answer #4 · answered by RT 66 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you need to tell someone close to you about this and demand that he stop. If he does not get counseling. Put a password on your phone, computer or anything else you would like because he has no right to tell you not to. See the problem I have is when you say he won't allow. You are an adult...no one allows you to do anything. You are grown you do what you want to do. He is scary.
2007-11-27 15:51:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Normally those who can't be trusted, don't trust others. Your husband obviously has major issues that need to be addressed. He is controlling at the very least and it can lead to worse behavior. He needs couselling for this. Get him help soon. Does he work? Stating that he won't allow you to have a password is a neon sign telling you that he is trying to control your every move. Get help or get out before he does more. This could just be the beginning.
2007-11-27 15:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You're a smart girl. You know this isn't right. It is about jealousy, insecurity and control issues. Do you know one of the most telling foreshadowing of abuse is a controlling man?
If you have done nothing wrong and even if you have, this is an invasion of your privacy and quite frankly it is weird and a little scary.
Lay it out on the line. Either this jealous, controlling behavior stops or you're walking. It's creepy and inappropriate.
2007-11-27 15:43:23 · answer #7 · answered by wondermom 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Does he not work if not tellhim he needs to get off his a ss and get a job maybe he should look into being a PI since he likes watching you so much he might as well get paid to do it for others. He is a controlling paranoid jerk and if I was you I would leave his sorry excuse for a man ASAP.
2007-11-27 15:51:11 · answer #8 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, No, and NO.... He has obvious insecurities probably, because he has cheated on you and is trying to find something he can pin on you... I've been there and done that... NO, run girl and run fast.. I know he's your husband, but no one should have to deal with that... Confront him and say I know your watching... And put a stop to it... Stage a man somewhere and it could be even more fun to leave...
2007-11-27 15:59:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lupe S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to respect your privacy. Since this is new behavior I have to say - get him in for a physical and mental evaluation. He is exhibiting extremely controlling behavior and if he isn't physically or verbally abusing you yet, he will be. Get some help now before it's too late.
2007-11-27 15:42:31 · answer #10 · answered by LB 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋