I'm in the same position, although i see it through the child's eyes, and all i can say is GET OUT! it kills me to see my mom soo unhappy, she told me that she's staying because of my sister and me, which makes me feel like I'm making her unhappy for making her stay with my dad. I can't stand what my dad (and the woman that he's with) does to my mom. I can tell how unhappy my mom is no matter how much she smiles, and I'm going to have to bare it for about 5 more years, until my mom or dad realizes how much they are hurting my sister and me.
I hope that helped your decision.
2007-11-27 07:45:01
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answer #1
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answered by P.J. 3
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I'm very sympathetic.
You've got two big problems on your hands: you and your husband.
The first thing to establish is whether both of you want to be married. If the answer is yes, then you have a starting point.
Your husband's philandering has to be stopped. It means he's putting energy in other places instead of into your marriage. The screwing around isn't the problem; it's just a behavior that's a symptom of the problem.
So you want a dominant man, huh? Sounds like you've got one - he's getting what he wants by taking it. Please get clear in your mind what is a fantasy and what you want in a marriage partner.
This is a tough situation. Both of you have a part in it.
If you're both serious about resolving this, get into the books written by Harville Hendrix. I've listed one below.
The good news: it's possible for your marriage to burn right down to the ground and you two build something new. In fact it may be the best thing. It's how things were for me and my wife of 13 years. We decided we wanted to be married, and it made sense to be married to someone each of us already knew a lot about. I'm pleased to say that we created a new marriage and are going on 21 years now; better than it ever was. It's possible. Good luck.
2007-11-27 07:46:23
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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What would you have to do to make a river just like it was yesterday? Push all the water all the back up the streams. Impossible. Same for getting back yesterday's relationship pre-baby. It's run out to sea. There is a memory, a nice one. But it IS past. Today's relationship is today's. Until you let your man go, he is YOUR man. Not the other guy. The one who's at home. Having an affair to fix a marriage is like trying to get rid of a baby by putting it back where it came from. Turn off (as painful as it is) the other guy. Focus is on the one you got. Making a marriage work in bad times like getting a teenager to mow the lawn and be happy. It takes learning and persuading. Learn what would bring a smile to his face. Leaving him alone isn't it. Persuade him to have a life again...with you in it. Drinking means he's really sad. Thinking about cheating means he's really sad. Being mean to people that love him means he's REALLY sad. About what? A counselor didn't do that for you. You're going to have to half guess, half use ESP. He's got some pain inside he's not even admitting to himself. Until you can get to that, he'll continue to push you away. Ask his friends what's up. Ask his relatives what's up. Watch what he does when he's not medicated with booze to feel good. You're not crazy. You are ignoring what's making him feel bad.
2016-03-15 01:15:09
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answer #3
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answered by ? 4
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I think there's more love than you might think, but it's just not expressed the way that you'd like it to be. If he's cheated numerous times, does he think that it's okay for you to cheat on him? If so, you might want to consider it, but not to fill an emotional void, because that would lead to divorce. I think we all have that fantasy life where a strong man just comes and takes us like he wants nothing more, but at the same time you don't want that in your real life. Who would want that man to take care of your child? You want your husband, even though he seems to not want only you in his relationship.
If your husband doesn't seem willing to work on it, then you might have to do something by yourself. Maybe get out with other people (not sexually, but just with friends) and focus on the kids. Make yourself as happy as possible without depending on him to do anything about it.
2007-11-27 07:36:35
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answer #4
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answered by Anonymous
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When there's kids involved it's a whole different story, I know. But, if a man cheats on you, that's a whole different story too. I would dump the man and take the kids.
He's not setting a good example for the kids and I would get them and you out of there.
2007-11-27 07:44:39
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answer #5
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answered by trying to please 4
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hi, you know somethin i read your story and mine is exactly the same, i am in the same situtation.I long for a man to careess me cuddle me as though he wants me. I too have a man that is moody,which makes me feel insecure and wonder what he up to. I want my marriage to work so i keep trying and i plod on. I not answered your question cause i dont know the answer myself but maybe a little comfort in knowin there are women out here in the same boat good luck
2007-11-27 07:48:20
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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I am sorry this is happening to you and your family. But I think you need to seek counseling ALONE to work on your self esteem. A person with high self esteem would not feel as if she had to depend on someone else or be in a miserable situation. Your kids will suffer ...they know a lot more than we give them credit for.
2007-11-27 07:48:36
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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Let it go... I know after all that time, it's hard, but you should have someone who loves you completely, and that person should fall at your feet for you... As you should do for that person... If he doesn't make you feel like a queen, it's just not worth it...
2007-11-27 08:04:44
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answer #8
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answered by Lupe S 3
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i would have left a long time ago. You said you don't want to lose the marriage, but it looks like he already left it a long time ago. Don't keep someone who doesn't appreciate you, i know you still love this man, but his heart is no longer in the marriage.
2007-11-27 07:38:21
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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Don't stay for the kids--it isn't healthy for them--they see what's going on. It might hurt at first for the both of you, but in the long run, every one is better off. The word respect comes in here--not only for yourself--so don't go cheat--but from your kids--mom stood up--but maybe from your husband as well.
2007-11-27 08:14:02
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answer #10
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answered by Scott M 4
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