at the gates
At the gates I yearn for you,
Your guile and my need.
I feel your lips upon my cheek,
Crushed, I fall down to my knees.
Abandoned, left alone to cry,
I've been cursed and sacrificed.
My tears freeze in the icy wind,
Remembrence is my will.
In the world in which I only live,
I look at you for one last time.
Driven away by my own damn pride,
I am chained to you forever.
Long, lost and forgotten,
I know now I will never see the light.
The feelings and emotions,
On that chilly, black October night.
The world is just keeps right on turning,
So do I but without you.
In the shadows I remain forever,
I once was young and never knew.
2007-11-27 06:54:34 · 9 answers · asked by The Dark Prince 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Atmosphere of this poem - lugubrious and melancholic.
One brilliantly composed poem whose noxious transgression reverberates in the mind long after the tearful encounter.
Excellent piece.
2007-11-27 11:35:29 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh how sorrowful. I like how you mention in the beginning that the poem is your final rewrite. It is kind of funny. So how many times did you try to fix the writing? Anyways, a loved one who is gone from the I in the poem. Truly a great piece of poetry!!!
2007-11-27 13:17:23 · answer #2 · answered by Bloom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a poem of heartbreak and so much extreme pain' and i know this was really a tough one to write .This is good that you are able to piece it all together and try to live again. you;ll always remember that October night; as it is etched in your pain and heartbreak forever.but the pain will dull as time grows away. Shelly
2007-11-27 07:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are yearning for a young love lost. It does hurt, and memories keep coming back.
2007-11-27 07:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by boopmeister111 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This poem is very somber and emotional, but good. It expresses how you felt in experiencing heartbreak very well, with good diction and raw emotion.
2007-11-27 13:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by Taja B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I know who the poem is about... Such pain cannot easily heal... Hang in there...
2007-11-27 07:06:55 · answer #6 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it feels painful.
i can imagine an inky black night
its quite vivid
2nd stanza best, in my opinion
keep writing - it seems to help you, and you write poetry well.
2007-11-27 07:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by kleptomanic sheep 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its well written, its vivid, its sad, its emotional... its life.. in a poem.. the ups and downs we indure are soo much.. you at least cover one of the downs... its perfect.. great job
2007-11-27 09:43:16 · answer #8 · answered by dragonflyy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my. So much pain for one person to bear...
2007-11-27 10:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋