My fiance of three years recently got caught up in playing the game constantly. It's gotten so bad that he plays from the time he gets home from work until he finaly goes to bed. Sometimes he does not even get off until 6 am. He plays anywhere from 6 to 12 hours a day. We just moved in together three weeks ago and this is when I really began noticing. It wasn't like this before.
Don't get me wrong, it's not what he's doing that's the problem, it's what he's NOT doing. I spend no time with him; when I try to he yells at me saying I'm annoying him. He never helps out around the house either but yells at me if he can't find something.
We have a baby on the way and this game is ruining my feelings for him. I really need support from him but he's not giving it. I've calmly talked to him numerous times about how much this bothers me but it always leads into a fight with him saying I'm trying to control him. I don't know what to do to make him realize how much this hurts me. Please help
2007-11-27 06:19:56 · 15 answers · asked by Mary D 1 in Games & Recreation ➔ Video & Online Games
This is not limited to just World of Warcraft; many people deal with the same problem with alcohol, drugs, and other addictions. Please don't assume he's childish because he plays a game; I know other people are answering along those lines, and I don't want you to misunderstand what's happening.
You do need to talk to him - again. If there is a way you can get home before he does, sit in front of the computer and talk to him. Let him know that he is not the man you fell in love with and agreed to marry. He has become addicted to a computer game, and he has become emotionally unavailable to you. You don't want to raise a baby alone, and you don't want to be married to a man who doesn't help out around the house or spends time with you. Let him know that you still love him, and you're not trying to control him; you appreciate the fact that he's found something he enjoys, and you don't mind spending time away from each other and doing different activities. But it is consuming him. You feel neglected. He is spending all hours on the computer, every day, and he is not spending time with you.
Do not make him feel like he is doing something wrong. Yes, he is in a way, but think of what else is happening. He has additional stresses: you moved in (that is a very hard thing for a man to get used to, and he could be using the game as a way to assert his independence), you're planning on getting married, and a baby is on the way. He's likely very stressed. No, that is not an excuse, but if you can try to consider the reasons this is happening when "it wasn't like this before", maybe you can bring these ideas up to him and see how he feels. It could be he doesn't want to hurt you by saying that he isn't comfortable living with you yet; however, he is hurting you by not saying it, too.
Most importantly, talk to him. Assure him you're not trying to control him but rather help him see what's happening and how it's affecting you. If he doesn't care that you feel neglected, perhaps it's better that this happened now, rather than after you were married. Better it's a computer game than another woman or drinking/drugs.
2007-11-27 06:35:50 · answer #1 · answered by xK 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Thank you David H for dramatizing the issue. Yes it is a problem, but it doesn't require counseling. The one thing about video games, fantasy especially, is it gives people a sense of an altered reality where they have an out. It's one way they can steer away from the real world. Usually they do this because of stress or problems they do not currently want to deal with. However if it is affecting the relationship you need to sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him what's going on in your mind and try to find out why he actually is playing the game so much. I know it is addicting, but it actually is not as bad as you might think.
What you should do:
1. Let him know what's going on and how you feel about what he is doing, give him some kind of reality check...being calm didn't work so its time to put your foot down
2. Find out if something is really bothering him, playing the game that much usually means theres something more that just being addicted to it (ie. stress, problems at work, etc.)
3. Find some times where he can play the game but regulate his time on it if you can, I know he is an adult but sometimes even adults need to be given boundaries to their choices. This way he can have his altered reality a little bit during the week but not to the point where it'll hurt the relationship.
4. Let him know you are there for him but you need the same from him.
Hope this helps
Good luck
2007-11-27 16:16:13 · answer #2 · answered by jackdupp1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would throw the game out the window.
But I am a bit biased after having a roommate in college who played it 24/7 especially during 3am-5am when I was trying to sleep. I almost threw his computer out.
In my opinion, I think what he is doing and what he's not doing is a problem. That game sucks people away from reality and holds them there. It really is not healthy. It's okay to play it for a couple hours every once in awhile - but apparently with World of Warcraft that's impossible.
You could either join in the activity - find out what is so interesting about it. Or give him a stern reality check. If you have a baby on the way - then spending time with you should be his number one priority. A man should never put a lousy video game over the ones he cares about. WWC corrupts.
2007-11-27 14:32:13 · answer #3 · answered by Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel but I don't have an answer for you. My husband and I are seperated.
He was playing everquest so i figured I would try and play with him. It began to become an addiction so much for me that I would constantly play. We were not the same level so we never played together. When he moved to eq2 I also moved but he leveled so fast that I could not keep up. Then we moved to ddo and then ffxi. There were other problems in our relationship but the mmos really did put a hurting on our relationship because we had no time to fix the problems we were having to begin with.
2007-11-27 14:26:30 · answer #4 · answered by Mable VT is thinking, kinda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to him how you feel if you haven't, if he still is addicted, try removing the game from the computer. I know that it's an addicting game, i've played for 3 years now but not to his extent. One of my friends that played was an addict, always on, and once his son was born, he turned away from the game to be with his wife and child. When a baby is born, many people change for the better.
2007-11-27 14:24:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him an ultimatum. i'm serious. my exhusband did the same thing. the game is not as important as your relationship and if he thinks it is than he doesn't deserve you or the baby. i'm not kidding, once your baby is born he'll ignore both of you and be completely unhelpful around the house while your healing. i know from personal experience. that game, even though even i've played and enjoyed it, has destroyed relationships. its a maturity and respect thing. give him an ultimatum and if he chooses the game you know what to do. I swear there is something wrong with guys our generation and these mmopg's. ITS JUST A GAME! My sympathy to you and good luck!
2007-11-27 14:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by jenisilly80 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
gah my boyfriend too (i play too, but i'm not insane over it) =/ when ever i wanted to get him to do stuff around the house i'd just go outside and cut the cable cord, we live in kinda a crappy neighbor hood so he never thought much of it. eventually he'll come to the conclusion that the end game content sucks and it eats a hole in your life and he'll give up. sorry, don't know what to tell ya other than cuttin the cord, it's the only thing that ever worked for me - and i even tried not cooking him dinner, and no screwing >_< he finally quit when our guild broke up. then he kinda just moved on to another game /sigh
2007-11-27 14:33:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Game addiction is a genuine problem. This is beyond recreational 'use', this is a dependancy. He needs professional counseling. This is not a joke. People do not take this seriously enough. It can wreck a person's life.
2007-11-27 15:45:19 · answer #8 · answered by cataraft_2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
:( My step-dad obsessed over a game, now my mom and him divorced. He was "cheatting" on my mom in a sense too, with one of the players! Uhh seriously, talk sense into him... take away the computer. Basically its not good. You should MAKE that computer disappear >.>
2007-11-27 14:22:58 · answer #9 · answered by Chizzy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like it's time for tough love. Put out the ultimatum, it's online geek games or your family. see which one he chooses.
2007-11-27 14:23:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋