Another one for your comments and critique?

Question

On Waking from a Dream
I walk through the sky every night on my way to dawn

And in my dreaming pass countless stars upon the way

Aurora's skirt my trail upon the coast that marks the northern sky

And meets the rainbow as it dips to earth

In myriad colours as my eyes flash into light

Clouds give way to sun and darkness disappears

As once again the day takes hold anew

My feet refreshed begin a firmer course.

The first line should be separated as the title.

Have you ever gone through a cloud? At the edges they break into so many little rainbows, the light contrasting with the greyness above.

Aurora, both dawn and Northern lights, is a fascinating show of light and colour, like dreams.

Imagery is lost on dogs who don't see colour, as poetry also on those without the power and sense to dream.

Answer 1

I don't think it's vague or just a string of images. You're talking about an Aurora. I've never seen one, even in a dream. I accept that this dream would be refreshing. The only line that I feel doesn't seem to keep tempo with the rest is "Clouds give way to sun and darkness disappears", and that is because the transformation to dawn and a waking state should magical and dancing like the rest. How did clouds get in there? Other than that it is lovely.

Answer 2

Writing using imagery does not make poetry.

Dream, the northern sky, dawn, stars, Aurora, the coast,
rainbows, earth, colours, flashing eyes, clouds, sun, darkness, daylight, feet: you can string all these words together any way you want and you still wont have much of a poem.

Try actually writing and saying what you really want to say so there's no question what you're talking about. Poetry doesn't get its power and impact from being intentionally vague, open-ended, meaningless and meandering.

Answer 3

Yeah, I like it - short but sweet, and I like the ideas in here about aurora and rainbows and how as you wake up in your dream the day starts.
I would say use more imagery so that the reader has an exact idea in their mind. But yeah, really good, I enjoyed it :)

Answer 4

Fr. you may not know it but if you solicit disinterested critical interpretations, it would be better not to influence them by offering your own. It is hard to offer an objective critique when the poet already influences independent ideas in edits. Leave the poem to lead its own life. It will survive better if orphaned. Apparently that is the nature of all literary art as Roland Barthes aptly explained in his famous hypothesis; The author is dead.
In the above poem, could it not be better to say waking up in the title! and rainbow colors instead of amorphous myriad!!
I am still digesting the poem's meaning and may return to it.