His dad talked to him about it and decided to nothing unless it happens again. I say don't let him have access to the house while we are gone out of town. He lives with his mom half of the time, and our house half the time. The kid thinks it is none of my business and told me to keep out of it, right in front of his dad. Dad just tells him to shut his mouth and changes the subject. My question to you, what would you do? Dad refuses to talk to me about it.
2007-11-27 05:23:31 · 5 answers · asked by Ellyn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You're his wife, you're a step mother. NEVER EVER let his child disrespect you. He is in your home, he needs to follow your rules. Tell your hubby that he needs to discuss these issues with you. Tell him you will not tolerate this disrespect. It is your business. He threw a party at your home while you guys were out of town. I would tell the son to show some respect. Also, lock the doors when you leave. If he has a key, change the locks. If he has no respect for you, his friends wont either and next time something priceless of yours could be "missing"
2007-11-27 05:28:37 · answer #1 · answered by Samantha 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you are in a delema here because your husband came with the baggage he has, namely his son. The son lives there with you both half of the time, so the 17 year old considers it his home as well. Did you say "no guests or parties while we are out of town" before you left? If you didn't use those specific words, then you didn't do your part in preventing what happened. You might think that this was a stepchild taking advantage of a situation, and of course it was, but, a lot of kids who were that age would have taken advantage of that situation if they had only one home and both parents together . Your step son should be told, that you feel like it was not responsible behavior for him to have had people in the house while you were away and that it better not happen again. He should have been made responsible to clean up any mess that was created and restore anything that may have been broken or damaged. Following that I would just let this issue drop. Your husband is responsible for the kids he brought into this world before you showed up, at least until they are over 18 and done with high school. You should have known what you were getting before you married him and it is time to let it rest.
2007-11-27 13:40:30 · answer #2 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My understanding of family dynamics is that your husband is hurting the X wife with passive agressive behavior by being lenient with his son and making the biological mom look like the bad guy, because she always has to put her foot down.
So how is he helping you in the relationship? - Because every time you come home, the going out is short lived by the conflict at home when his son is there.
Your husband is aiding in his son's disrespect toward you by changing the subject instead of demanding his respect toward what you have to say.
My reasoning is that Its 50% your say and DNA (the biological factor that it's his son and not yours) does not apply here.
If it did, then adopted parents would have no say, right?
His son is your business and you have to get this straightened out through family counciling, which is the mature thing to do if you want excellence in communication with your family.
After all, you married your husband, you also married his son. You are a mother, now.
2007-11-27 13:31:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like dad needs to get a back bone and stand up to his son .. he should never let his son disrespect you , after all it is your home too and you are his wife , i understand the boy has a mother but he should still respect you as his dads wife , when rules are broken within your home the discipline should be talked about between you two (the adults) and then the discipline should be told to the child , next time how big does the party have to be for dad to put his foot down ?
2007-11-27 13:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by autumn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should have discussed this with you before talking to his son. You have as much say in what goes on in your own home as he does. This 17 year old, is exactly that, 17 YEARS old. He should not be having parties at all without supervision.
If he is going to be in your home, he has to follow your rules as well as his fathers and should never be allowed to disrespect you.
Show your husband all of the answers you get, I'll bet they will lean more toward you than him.
2007-11-27 13:34:05 · answer #5 · answered by biglipps89 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋