I have been in a relationship for 10 years out of those teen years, I have been married 2. My husband is abusive. I wont to leave, but I am hoping that things change.
2007-11-27 05:10:37 · 21 answers · asked by Mika B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
SOMETIMES HE CAN BE THE SWEETEST PERSON AND THEN OTHERS HES EVIL. HE IS INCARCERATED NOW, BUT I AM SCARED WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN HE RETURNS. i HAVE A PROTECTION ORDER WHICH HAS NOT STOPPED HIM IN THE PAST. WHAT IF HE COMES TO MY PLACE OF WORKING, OR IS WAITING ONE DAY IN THE SHADOWS FOR ME. i AM JUST HOPING THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.
2007-11-27 06:45:58 · update #1
He needs professional help. His abuse has nothing to do with you, your behavior or appearance. He has deep-seeded issues that took root long ago. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, you can do or say to fix him.
Until he gets help, your situation will continue to worsen. Guaranteed.
Good luck.
2007-11-27 05:15:28 · answer #1 · answered by DJ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hon, hope just sustains you through difficulty. It doesn't fix anything.
If the relationship is abusive then you have to decide whether there's enough other stuff that's good to warrant the effort of stopping the abuse.
Your husband has to get it loud and clear that how he's treating you must change in a big way. If it doesn't, well... Here's where the hard decisions come in. Are you in fact willing to leave? Do you have an escape plan if the abuse escalates? Are you willing to hit back? (I don't recommend hitting back - it often makes things worse).
You have a piece in this mess - will you get your part handled?
No easy answers here, I'm afraid. A lot of soul searching and some important decisions called for.
Good luck and God bless.
2007-11-27 05:20:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he abusive prior to marriage if not then he figures he can be the controlling jerk now that your his. Well that is how abusive men think that your his property and you must obey him or he has the right to hit you or verbally abuse you. If he is hitting you call the cops everytime so atleast they have a ongoing record of this guys actions against you. If he is just yelling at you this will eventually become physical get out now.
Most guys who act out verbally will become physically combative over time. Remember this could be the way he was raised he saw the way his father treated his mother probably in the same manner as he is treating you.
I think the only thing you can do is get away from him get a restraining order this is why calling the cops is important.
Grab a clue this will continue and one day he will end up beating you to death. This will probably end in a murder/ suicide do you want to be another statistic if not RUN NOW!
May God Bless and Watch Over You, Best Wishes in your future without this jerk.
2007-11-27 05:24:28 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This what you do. Go to him and tell him how you feel about the abusive in the relationship then tell him that you are tried of it and that you are not going take any more of it. And tell that he need some help. So after that put him out and tell that he can't come back home until he get some help and make sure that he get the help that he needs, Doing the time he getting the help you stay faithful to him because the first time he think that you out their sleeping around on him he go loose respect for you and what nothing to with. And if he love you like you think he do he will do it. If he don't love you he won't. JUST PRAY AND ASK GOD FOR HELP HE SHOW YOU THE WAY.
2007-11-27 06:42:24 · answer #4 · answered by LAVORIC A 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If things haven't changed in ten years, why do you think waiting another ten will change things? The best indicator of future behavior is repetitive past behavior. There are no fairies to come down and tap his head with a wand and make him "all better". The only thing worse than staying in a bad relationship for ten years, is staying in a bad relationship for 10 years and one day. If you love him, you will always hope for change. I stayed in relationships way too long waiting for a ship to come in that never did. Finally I got it. My happiness is my OWN responsibility, and if I'm not happy in my current situation, only I have the power to change it...by changing ME. Stop waiting on HIM to make your life better and take matters into your own hands. Someone is out there that will love you and respect you, without jumping through all the hoops, and living in constant drama.
2007-11-27 05:25:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry for you. Have you tried counseling? I have been in several abusive relationships in my life. All of them turning worse and worse before I wised up. Actually it took me a lot of years to realize that I attracted the wrong type of person into my life. I've always felt like the person who could "make" someones life better if only they gave me a chance. I was wrong! Once I built up my own self esteem, I realized I was only kidding myself. People change only if they want to change, you can't do it for them. My longest abusive relationship lasted 12 years. When he decided that he wanted me to feel sorry for him again, I told him exactly how it was and ended even the friendship. Please don't let yourself continue to be dragged into this failing relationship. I know you feel that you really "LOVE" him or her, but it will only get worse until you feel that you really aren't worth anything. If you haven't tried counseling, try that. If your spouse is not willing to make that sacrifice...Make a plan and get out now! I wish you all the best.
2007-11-27 06:05:36 · answer #6 · answered by gossimermom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it can't be fixed because you can't fix a relationship once someone has been married. Marriage destroys the relationship. The problem is being married plus you have the problem that your husband is abusive. You have no chance!!! Sorry!!!
2007-11-27 06:52:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Huh?, my medical expenses haven't risen, my energy bill has gone down and marriage is a farce any way. And it was individual States that banned gay marriage. State and Federal lawmakers work a bit differently. Odd isn't it that when individuals vote it's horrible but libs sure believe those poll numbers ????
2016-04-06 00:43:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what type of abusive he is. Verbally? Emotionally? Mentally? Phsycially? I'd never give up on a relationship, but if your health is in danger, then you'd need to get out of immediate danger. That doesn't mean LEAVE HIM, but if he's being particularly abusive at one time, you might need to get out of that situation in order to give him time to cool off and in order to save yourself from more harm.
He would probably gain something from counseling on his own, and you would probably need some as a couple. It might help you as well to have someone to talk to who can understand what you're going through.
2007-11-27 05:16:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your pain.
Abusive husbands are always abusive. It is deeply rooted in who they are, a product of their childhood and background. And no matter how sorry he is for hitting you, he will hit you again. And again. And again.
Let me put it to you this way. Do you want your own sons growing up, thinking that it's okay to hit their wives because Dad did? By staying in this marriage, that's what you're teaching them.
Get out now and save yourself. For no man is worth this.
2007-11-27 05:17:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing will change.....you have to see that with your heart, not your eyes! Leave.......when he gets help pursue each other slowly. Change can happen but you need to step out of the box first......look at whats going on and make him realize it. Good luck and dont let it get to far that YOU cant come back from it.
2007-11-27 05:18:42 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋