My wife always tried to control me. She filed a divorce a year and a half after we got married. I asked her more than a year to go to a counselor together. Finally we went to 2 different counselors but she did not show up the second time because she says: I am smart and educated and I know what is right!
Both counselors told her not to scream and asked me to leave the house as soon as she screams. This way I can never tell her that she is wrong. She screams, swears and just do not listen.
For more than 3 months she said she will leave the house and she is finally leaving. She hurt me a lot. I should be happy now but I do not know why I feel very bad. I tell myself I tried everything and maybe when she is alone she thinks about what she did.
I do not say that I am perfect. No! But at least I listen and I am ready to change my bad habits but she is not!
Tell me what the best is to do in my situation. I think it is good that we will not be together for a while. But I know it is going to be so hard… any suggestions?
I am 35, handsome, business owner … but you know that you can not find happiness there… happiness is where you can love somebody…
2007-11-27 03:09:44 · 14 answers · asked by mazyar m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is normal for you to feel bad right now. No matter whose fault anything was, you are feeling like you failed at marriage and that makes you sad.
We all wish we could succeed in our marriages but sometimes it is just not to be. You cannot change people after you marry them so it is unlikely your high-tempered wife will change.
Think about this, do you want to spend the rest of your life with her telling you that you are wrong and not good enough, and do you want her to teach your children the same values?
Let her go and get on with your life and fine someone who will love you as much as you love them.
Good Luck
2007-11-27 03:23:13 · answer #1 · answered by mn lady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes two to make a marriage work. It takes compromise and sacrifice. Marriage is not always about what is right or wrong. People are just different and sometimes there is no right or wrong or what is fair. Marriage is about working out those differences. It does not sound like your wife is ready to do any of that. It's her way or the highway. If that is true, then it's best to just let her go. You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve a mutually supportive, respective relationship. I know it's hard now. I went through a divorce. It's very painful and there is little anyone can do for you. You have to be strong and go through with it. And once you find that special someone later, you will have so much appreciation for a happy marriage. Just know the same amount of pain you are experiencing now will be repaid later in joy.
2007-11-27 11:23:38 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just married the wrong girl. You sound confident and successful so this is probably harder for you to deal with...you are not used to rejection. I have never been dumped, if I were to be, it would also be very hard for me to deal with. I think the answer is simple, you married someone who was wrong for you, maybe self centered and not very mature. you will be fine. Just start a new life, find a great date and buy her a lovely Christmas present and see how happy you can make yourself by getting involved with someone else. May be a rebound relationship, however just tell them that this may be the case.....chances are....this will make you feel better.
2007-11-27 11:15:49 · answer #3 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we get that " I should be happy but I'm not" feeling when the time comes to bring closure to a relationship but we wait. If she wants to bounce, then let her. You can't make her stay or love you. If she wants to stay then respect should be demanded. Uhh...you're somebody too, ya' know!!!I've learned that one of the worst things people do when they're going through a bad break-up is waste time trying to have somebody to know how wrongthe other person was. If YOU have no regrets and you did do right, then don't have any regrets for moving forward. And don't take your past with you. I hope you the best! And a word to the wise...you won't find the thing that "drives" you; stop chasing love. You deserve it and it'll come in time. It did for me and I was hung-up over some dingo, then had a rebound relationship with a bi-polar psycho....but take time to get yourself straight and heal and get to know who you're with THOROUGHLY.
2007-11-27 11:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by FRIEND 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you are in alot of pain, and are hurting. You are going through a very hurtful time. It would be great if you could see a counselor, to talk this out with. This will ease the pain, and also help you make the proper choices.
Take Care of Youself. Be good to yourself.
Remember, you cannot control her, but YOU CAN CONTROL how you react to her.
2007-11-27 11:17:48 · answer #5 · answered by AJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well "handsome", I suggest that you go to therapy on your own to find ways to cope with the fact that you were in an abusive marriage. Divorce is hell, and I wish there were some words of comfort I could offer you, but you're really going to have to work through this on your own in your own way--everyone deals with pain differently. I would stop worrying about where it went wrong with her though and focus on yourself. A therapist can really help you to work through feelings and get your life back together. I wish you luck!
2007-11-27 11:14:20 · answer #6 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No darling, happiness starts when you can love yourself first. Be thankful that you will not have to be subjected to this treatment any longer. I can tell you from first hand experience that a breakup is hard on both parties, even the one who initiates it. Feeling hurt is natural and unfortunately, it is something you have to work through, but know that with time, everything gets easier.
2007-11-27 11:20:35 · answer #7 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit being a whiner.. let her go--she sounds awful! As soon as you come to that realisation you will be better off.
Jump into your new life without her. There are other fish in the sea and life is not about being married... learn to love (and respect) yourself first. True love with come after that happens.
2007-11-27 11:15:23 · answer #8 · answered by R. Guetive 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are dealing with loss. You will go through depression and anger before finally getting to acceptance. Find distractions. Working out, friends, new women,... Anything to take you mind off of things. From the sound of it though you are better off without her.
2007-11-27 11:14:50 · answer #9 · answered by Islander 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, I would change your mere arrogance. 35, handsome, business owner.... come on now.
also what are your "bad habits".
That would explain a little.
but yes, leave the house when she yells so you are not the one who ends up in the slammer.
2007-11-27 11:13:52 · answer #10 · answered by Dr S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋