8 years of complete lack of apreciation, never having time to read a good book, tending to two children with NO help while he hangs out with his friends, and more bad memories than good. He says that he wants to work it out, but I just don't want to. I have always thought of our two boys and do not want to put them through this, but at what point do I deserve to be happy? Which is worse - raise children in a home where both parents are miserable or in two households where parents might have some joy? What am I up against?
2007-11-27 02:41:49 · 23 answers · asked by Anjer 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you've exausted all avenues of trying to repair the marriage, and you honestly feel it's beyond salvaging, then by all means file for divorce. Just make DARNED sure that's what you want before doing it though. Divorce is hard on everyone, there's no way to sugar coat that one, and the person who said that divorce is really no big deal has obviously never lived through one. There are times it's worth it to put everyone in your family through a divorce, and there are times when people have looked back, and realize they really aren't any better off than they were when they were married, and usually realize they're worse off.
Like someone else advised, get your financial affairs in order. Make certain you have credit in YOUR name only. Consult a good attorney and financial planner to find out what specifically you need to do in order to support your family on your own. Yes, your husband will have to pay some support, but don't bank on that. If you haven't been working, then get your resume dusted off, and possibly get some kind of job training so you can re-enter the work force. Look into child care options for your children. You have alot of work ahead of you if you decide to divorce--so make certain you're making the decision as clear headed as you can be--take the emotions out of it. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.
2007-11-27 03:54:19 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you divorce, your children will live with your choice for the rest of their lives. Then, once adults, they will have children of their own, and your choice today will impact your future grand children. And once your grand children are adults, they will have children -which you probably won't even be alive for, but hopefully so-and those children will live with the affects of your choice. Positive and negative affects. People encourage others to put their own happiness first so much, but there are real consequences to generations that follow based on our choices today. No different than if mom or dad is a raging alcoholic-dysfunction is dysfuntion, and dysfunction always affects generations of people-not just people that are in the immediate moment.
I have been divorced twice. Divorce is horrible, children suffer greatly, and the holes that are torn into their spirits are lifelong-my oldest son is in his 20's-his father and I divorced nearly a decade ago-and as a man trying to establish his own commitment with a woman, I literally can see things in his life that come from the choices made in mine.
I cannot say if I had it to do over again.... Because that is the same as saying "what if"? What I can say is that the only reason I would ever leave marriage is because of abuse-even cheating I could get over, I believe.
The only thing worse than being miserable in a marriage, is being miserable single, realizing that your life with your husband was not as bad as it felt, and looking into the eyes of your children when they are missing their daddy, and knowing that you can never undo that decision to heal their little broken heart.
You can be happy in your marriage, you were once. What can be done once can be done again. Read the book "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian, and try it. What have you got to loose? If you delay divorce by one month, will you really loose out on your joy? No, but if you delay for one month, and actually try the book, your children might not miss growing up in an intact family.
2007-11-27 03:04:02 · answer #2 · answered by Daisy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd go for the two households where the parents might have some joy.
Staying married for the sake of the children is detrimental to all concerned.
When I divorced my ex, I felt totally liberated. Our son is a much calmer child because of it and he's only 4 years old. Don't stay in a miserable marriage....it will hurt the children.
2007-11-27 02:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It was a big mistake to get married to someone who made it clear before that he did not want that. Marriage is hard enough when both parties jump into it willingly. And to try and sneak this man into a baby with you was beyond wrong. Do you realize thats another life comittment for the two of you? Its certainly not a joke. You sound selfish and demanding. Your big concern is that you had a big wedding. Do yourself and this man a favor and grant him the divorce. No use wasting your time on something that should have never been in the first place.
2016-04-06 00:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children in unhappy marriages know, it would be best for them for the parents to split and have a chance at happiness. Remember we learn how to love from our parents so if you and your husband are miserable together you are setting your children up to have that kind of "love" when they are adults. By divorcing you are giving yourself and your husband a chance to love again and your children to see how a marriage should be. If you are uncertain if divorce is the way to go, perhaps you should do a trial separation first and see how things go. Be sure you are financially able, have a place to stay, and that you are not upsetting to many things in the children's lives all at once (eg. moving to a new town, losing friends, changing schools, etc) Make sure they know that you both still love them and in no way is this their fault. Best wishes.
2007-11-27 03:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by ͏҉ ßõhrçmrïñsÿ★ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is very hard because it is true divorce is like a death . Because when you divorce he might get with someone els and you can't control that and after he does you can't go back when you miss him. And after that you won't want to so it's really like shutting a door that you can't open I wouldn't advise anyone to be miserable but maybe a conselor could help he sounds willing to go? You should do that for your children as divorce hurts them more than it will you too. You will get over it but kids will have to accept new parents and they will miss their absent parent at times and you will have to see them hurt. Divorce is hell don't do it just because of a feeling now if he cheats hits or does something like that then yes divorce but your problems are fixable.
2007-11-27 02:52:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's better to raise chikdren with happy parents around. You cannot fool your kids, they know that you are both miserable since you can cut the tension with a knife at home.
I've been divorced for 2 years and I love it! I did have to cut off some indulgances, but the sacrifices seem small in comparison to the happiness of living a a FREE, HAPPY, NORMAL life. My son is much happier now because home is a happy place.
Good luck
2007-11-27 03:40:01 · answer #7 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I came from a "broken" home....My Mom left Daddy due to similar reasons.....It is a lot better for children to grow up with parents that are separated and happy then living in a war zone. Eight years has been long of enough of being miserable. If you must seek out a counselor, but do not expect miracles.
Peace.
2007-11-27 08:27:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he wants to work it out, then you two should go to marriage counseling. You both made a committment to spend the rest of your lives together for better or worse. Instead of putting your kids throug ha divorce, why don't you show them how adults should act and the two of you learn how to have areal marriage?
Why is divorce always the answer nowdays??
2007-11-27 02:48:35 · answer #9 · answered by SS109 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be best to try and work it out for the children's sake. However things sometimes cannot be worked out. I know this from experience. I was married for 26 years and we had 3 kids I tried everything possible to work it out but could not and we ended up splitting up and divorcing. Divorce causes other problems though. Kids need both parents and without them their will be anger among them towards both parents.
2007-11-27 02:53:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋