i put my husband out because i found out he was talking to a girl that we both know on the cell phone and he lied about it when i first asked him then after a day he told the truth but this is not the first time this has happpened it is the third time and i told him if it happened again that i would leave him but i love him so much and i know he loves me to death,he also said that it was just general conversation but i said u should have been honest with me to just let me know babe i be talking to sharon whom we both know and it would not have gone this far but can you save a marriage when you cannot trust your husband?
2007-11-27 01:48:14 · 32 answers · asked by diane w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First I would say that you need to get over your own insecurities. If you husband had a general conversation with a female on a cell phone he may have not have given it much thought to just run and tell you. It may have been nothing to him. This seems a little bit of an over-reaction to me. I could see if he was not comming home from work on time, or acting strange and being gone a lot. This would be a reason for concern. I will tell you from experience that your behavior and own insecurities will drive him down a road you do not want him to go down. Men are attracted to confident women whom are happy within themselves. If your relationship is good and you say he loves you and you love him, then you should not feel insecure at all. Not even if he has a conversation with a woman. Being confident in your relationship and trust is the key to success in any marriage. A man will lose interest in a woman who feels insecure and threatened by every other woman out there. It was wrong for him to lie about it I agree, but I am sure he did it only because he knew of your reaction. You should not be so controlling. If he only had a conversation what harm is there in that. It wasn't like he was having sex with her. Which I am sure you jumped right to that conclusion. My suggestion would be to learn to gain some self-confidence.
2007-11-27 02:07:26 · answer #1 · answered by um-kay 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's a little annoying to hear these folks who keep ranting that once a cheater, always a cheater. Affairs happen for many reasons, and sometimes "good" people have them, acknowledge the mistake and then repair the marriage and stay faithful. Of course there are the sex addicts and narcissists that probably can't or don't want to be reformed, but if the cheating happened because of some need that wasn't being met in the marriage and that problem is resolved, why assume it will happen again? This guy sounds like he had one last fling before tying the knot, which was a stupid and insecure thing to do, but not necessarily worth ending the marriage over. He DID marry the girl, so he must have decided he wanted to be with her, not the other woman. If he's still ambivalent, then they should get counseling now, before they have children. Chances are he got it out of his system and he is prepared to be a committed husband. How many guys get a little too carried away at the bachelor party and still go on to be good husbands? Probably quite a few.
2016-04-06 00:30:43 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is totally up to you. I am in the same situation now and I thank still thank God everyday for my husband. My husband cheated on me and I took him back. I then found email for other women and I took him back. If you believe in your vows "for better or worst," everything would be ok. Just think about this as long as you are doing everything right as far as taking care of the household, at the end of the day you can say you honestly did your best. Let him leave you. Does he pay the bills, take you out or come home every night? Don't let another woman take your man away from you. He is an investment. If he is crazy enough to leave let him go but understand this, he will still have to take care of you. With the other girl, he has to sneak around. That sneaking around is going to get old after a while. With his wife there are no limits. You get holidays, weekends and vacations. What does she get nothing but a headache. I hope and pray you listen to some of what I wrote. Just remember its a game to the other woman to see who will win. Play the game and in the end the prize will be your husband. I wish you the best. If you need to talk trumainecarter_01@yahoo.com
2007-11-27 07:52:17 · answer #3 · answered by T.C. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking to someone on the phone is not a crime and that is a stupid immature thing to threaten divorce over. Does not sound like you have a marriage based on trust or willing to go the distance to keep. You have to trust that because of his love for you he would not violate that trust, and he needs to do the same for you. You never use the divorce card, once you start saying the word, you start inviting the thought of divorce into each others hearts. Marriage is not a game, it is genuine hard work. You are probably both either very young or very immature. If this little issue could rip apart your marriage, you need to seek counseling right away just to learn to think more maturely, even if not both of you, go yourself.
Best of luck.
2007-11-27 01:54:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to work on your own insecurities and reinforce your own positive self-image. He may only be looking for regular conversational interaction with another woman. I doubt he has intentions about Sharon. Speaking of Sharon, since you know her, you may want to have a heart-to-heart talk with her to let her know how their relationship makes you feel.
Also, love is equated within trust and vice versa. If you love him, then you fully trust him. If you don't completely trust him, then you don't completely love him. The same goes for him too.
Please find a qualified marriage counselor who can work to mend your trust in each other. This is also the hardest time of the year for a marriage, especially the new and not-so-strong ones.
Just don't quit and walk away. Look at your options, where both of you stand. Find strength in faith, meditiation, whatever it takes. See things through before you make another move that you might regret one day.
2007-11-27 02:03:00 · answer #5 · answered by Tusker 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your husband is going to be unfaithful nothing you do is going to prevent that. He either makes up his own mind to be faithful or not. Stop living in a world of mistrust over your husband, but instead use that negative energy to put back into your marriage. Sit down and have a good heart to heart and tackle the things about one another you have to change in order to be happy again. You say you both love each other and that you are so in love with him. Well, by what I read your 70% on the way to a better relationship, but the down fall is the "trust" issue. You need to confront him on how you feel and not threaten to leave him. Give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. BTW. The woman calling him. That needs to stop. How would he feel if men called you? Ask him that.
2007-11-27 01:58:34 · answer #6 · answered by Tee 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is there more to the story? Okay, he wasn't honest with you about talking to your friend but don't you think your marriage is worth more than him talking to a friend and not letting you know about it? He wasn't honest with you by not telling but you think he can't be trusted. I hope in your case your are honest too when doing things. I see some insecurities popping up but what the heck. If he has told you he was talking to Sharon, what would your reactions would have been?
2007-11-27 02:04:37 · answer #7 · answered by Kaya M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that you love him so much and he love you, but he is not honest with you and you do not trust him. How can you be so in love with someone that you do not even trust?
A relationship is based upon two best friends that respect and love each other. If you notice, the best friends part comes before the love. In fact, being best friends starts with trusting each other.
If you do not trust him, he is not your best friend. If he keeps talking to other girls behind your back and trying to hide his behavior, then he also does not respect you.
You have nothing in this relationship, but love and that is not good enough. Love does not conquer all.
Divorce him as he has probably already cheated on you more than once.
Take care,
Troy
2007-11-27 01:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a man who wants both of you for his own personal gain, you have a red flag situation, once he has lied and crossed the trust issues I would use caution in ever trusting him again! A little white lie is one thing, { such as no I didnt leave the cap off the tooth paste, when ya know ya did } but when you lie in this fashion its just flat out disrespect for your spouse, so I think that your hubby lacks respect for you and therefore do not trust him, he must prove himself to you, and this will take time, but keep your eyes open for future lies and cheating, I think theirs more going on then you think.
2007-11-27 01:57:47 · answer #9 · answered by penelope 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A relationship can't last without trust. Honey he's a MAN. I know it's not an excuse but men think differently than we do. They lie to us because they think it's helping the situation when in reality if they just told us the truth more problems would get resolved.
Think about it like this, be honest. If he told you the truth, would you've honestly believed him, or would you've assumed he was cheating still anyway?????????
Don't loose a good man over something petty. There's not a lot of them left!
2007-11-27 01:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by I've Got My Answer 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋