OK now this is my oldest.(so he is my experimental child for the ones to follow). I know allot of his emotions are par for the course as far as preteens are concerned. He is very obstanant but yet he has compassion for others(for example I don't think there is a leaf in my neighborhood that wasn't touched or removed by him). He has been having a hard time taking care of himself and his surroundings. I do have strict guidelines of how I raise my 4 kids. 1)taking care of self, 2)taking care of family 3)taking care of community. He is very much lacking in the first two. The last one he seems to have ne problem with. Right now he is grounded from computer, tv and friends till he can improve the first two. 1) self and 2)his own room(which stems off of family) Is there anything else I can do other than the grounding?
2007-11-27 01:39:16 · 11 answers · asked by Terri 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
The other 3 have no problem with this.
2007-11-27 01:40:55 · update #1
That's how I normally get him to try to get him to take a shower at dinner. I am looking for a more permanent solution. trust me I am on this boy more than the other 3.
2007-11-27 01:49:50 · update #2
What i mean about experiment is since he is the first he is the one that is first to do all the first for example. walk talk go through teens. I try my parenting skills on him first to see what will work for the other 3. that's all I love him very much.
2007-11-27 02:01:43 · update #3
rachael I like that one. that may work for him.
2007-11-27 02:03:45 · update #4
I tried that one with the girl thing. He doesn't admit to me he likes girls. Not actually in persuit of them either yet.. omg I know thats coming.
2007-11-27 02:06:19 · update #5
I will be watching this like a hawk all day. rachael I will try that one right now before he gets home.
2007-11-27 02:09:43 · update #6
411 I am a stay at home mom there is not much they get away with.
2007-11-27 02:11:51 · update #7
I like the get him on a stricter schedule. I already told him I will put a note of expectations for the day on his door. I will put it in a schedule format. He definately needs help in organization of time. and obviously self. good hint. He's got cool toiletries(occ ones)
2007-11-27 02:22:47 · update #8
Just to let everyone know I have been doing good thus far. However, these teen years I have a funny feeling are going to be a whirl wind of trama and drama.
2007-11-27 02:52:49 · update #9
oh on the peer pressure thing I think showing him this posted question may be peer preesure enough. I can hear him now "moooooommmm You posted this thing on the internet!!!!!" My reply would be "you bet ya, That's how much I am at my witts end!!!"
2007-11-27 04:01:36 · update #10
I don't post questions often. only when it's a quandry
2007-11-27 04:08:33 · update #11
Is it possible that the task is overwhelming? Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what is expected. Sit down and tell him what you expect in terms of cleanliness/neatness/ responsibility. Create a check list, because remember that he's still just a child. Get him to agree on 10 (or 5 or whatever) basic daily tasks that must be accomplished if he is to have basic privileges. And then, just like a toddler, check them off.
Just be sure you are specific and are not changing the game as you go - if you want the clothes put away and folded, then you must say so.
Also realize that what is important to you is not necessarily important to him. A perfect example with my daughter is that she doesn't care if shirts are neatly folded. She just throws them in the drawer. I had to realized that the drawer was all I was going to get.
I would suggest you read/review 7 Habits of Highly Effective people. There are some great examples for how to empower your teen.
If this behavior is sudden, it sounds as if he is being influenced by friends.
2007-11-27 04:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by kramerdnewf 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tuff question, I was going to ask about how to get my 14 year old cousin to shower while she was staying with us. Because she wasn't my kid I never tried too hard haha.
Other suggestions of getting him to pick out his own bathroom supplies is a good idea, I know my brother is pretty particular in what he uses and he is 14. I think making a schedule and posting it up on his door and putting little gold stars on it when he behaves would embarrass him to death, so do it!
Does he let himself go to the point that he smells? If you manage to force him into the tub before then let him go until he starts to stink, peer pressure will certainly take care of that one. Sometimes peer pressure is a GOOD thing.
As for cleaning his room, leave it, tell him he can live in squaler like a pig if he wants but to know that the mess do not leave that room and you are not going to pick up any of it or do his laundry. If he wishes to act like a pig he can look the part. It will be a test of your will power more than his but after a while living in a mess and stink he will get the point.
My son is an experiment in parenting aswell :p By the time you get to your last you will have the teen years figured :)
2007-11-27 11:33:53 · answer #2 · answered by becky q 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Buy him a mens shaving kit, (like a make up bag but for a guy) And fill it with mens deoterant, tooth brush and paste, the guys shampoo and conditionar, a bar of mans soap like lever 2000, some colonge. And give it to him. He may be excited that he has all man'ly stuff and want to use it. let him know that girls like a clean man who smells good and takes care of themselves. And make him shower everyday, usually before bed would be easiest. Just about 30 min before lights out say ok shower time!
or take him to the drug store and have the list of the above items and have him pick the kinds he wants and get a shaving kit to put them in. Make it fun for him not a chore.
2007-11-27 11:01:04 · answer #3 · answered by brina 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You're the mother, it might suck at times, but you just have to put your foot down. Its not an option, he will bathe/shower everyday, let him pick when such as morning or night, and make it his routine. Make him do it everyday. With the room, make him clean it, I know when I was little my mom would say that "you can either clean your room or I will" I hated it, she cleaned it throughly and I didn't want her going through my things. If he wants to act like hes 5, treat him that way. Other possible grounding options are chores, earlier bed time. Try to interest him in better hygeine, let him pick his soap, shampoo, deodorant, etc. Hair gel if hes into that. Good Luck
2007-11-27 09:53:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I didn't have any trouble with personal hygiene as a kid (girls usually don't), but I did go through a phase in which I wouldn't clean my room. A few days before trash day my mom went into my room and stuffed everything that wasn't put away into a big black trash bag. She left the trash bag in the middle of my room and told me that it was going out with the trash in 3 days, so I'd better get whatever I wanted to keep out of it and put it away. She did that every week until I started cleaning up after myself without being told to. I got really sick of digging my stuff out of a trash bag and worrying that it was going to be thrown away.
2007-11-27 09:57:49 · answer #5 · answered by Rachael 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm 15 yrs old and when I was that age I had the same problem. What my mom did is she said that she would treat me the way I was acting ( preteens are usually already in that independence stage). She didn't let me see my friends, she made me go to bed early, she didnt let me use anything and didnt allow anything that a normal preteen would be given the privledge of using.
It worked for me! I think it might work for you.
always glad to help.
2007-11-27 11:31:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
how old is he? i am havin difficulty getting my 9 year old to bathe himself but i wouldnt punish him for his personal hygene. if hes old enough to take care of himself tell him if he doesnt then you will and that will probably make him think (thats if hes modest of course) my 12 year old still wants me to do his hair in the morning (but thats only because he struggles to do the style i can do for him) all i can say is, sit down with him and have a talk. Tell him he is the big brother and he has to set a good example to his younger siblings because they look up to him. tell him what you want him to do and if he doesnt clean himself then you will have to do it for him. tell him aswell that you want to check his teeth at night (do this for a short time until he gets the message) also tell him that if he does manage to take care of himself you will give him a suprise and buy him a little treat and always explain the importance of family to him. tell him that if he cant learn to play with his younger simblings he wont play with his friends. and just basically give him a strict lecture but keep following it through with things like if he doesnt be nice to his family take him straight to his room at night make sure he has brushed his teeth etc. if he wont take a bath tell him you will give him a bath if he doesnt.
2007-11-27 14:12:54 · answer #7 · answered by markhoad 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about not letting him eat untill he can clean his room and take a shower!!
2007-11-27 09:45:01 · answer #8 · answered by Leonidas 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
force them
2007-11-27 11:10:38 · answer #9 · answered by Jerica W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he'll never date, kiss, or marry a girl.
2007-11-27 10:02:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋