How do you deal when your ex finds a new woman? BUT you have a kid with them?

Question

and the kid lives at their house? Esp when this new woman is moving in?
Anyone have any advice? My kid doesnt need a second mom.
He just lives there cause its easier for me to see him everyday this way, and I work.

BTW MY ex was never given custody...I left him and Im in school right now trying to get a career so I can afford to have my kid with me fulltime...right now this is convenient...I left my ex for personal reasons. We both agreed this was good...

Answer 1

you are the one that left him and moved out so you had to realize that one day he would date again and one day he would fall in love again ... so that day has happened .. and shes moving in , you are right you child has a mom, but his new woman can be a great friend to your child after all she will be living there too , you cant blame this other woman for falling in love with your ex and being around your child , be greatful that he found someone that loves him and your child .. and remember this is a choice you made .. good luck.

Answer 2

yes, the new woman is moving in - but - what some people don't realize is --- they are not trying to be a mom to your child- they just want to be able to live peacefully together. I don't see why it would be worse for 2 people to love a child - 3 even better. your kid is not going to have a 'second mom'. The child only has one mom..and that is YOU - and always will be YOU! the child knows that..and doesn't need to be told that. If you talk bad about this lady to your child etc - what would happen is you would make your child unhappy. trust me - you don't want to the child to be worried what you think all the time - that makes an unhappy child. Just be friendly to her - you don't have to be her best friend..but, when it comes to the child it is best to be on the same page. I'm sure this lady didn't all of a sudden one day say.... man... I want to find a guy that already has a kid - it is just as hard for her...as it is for you!

Answer 3

Since you and your ex are no longer together, there will always be another woman in your child's life. As long as everyone, including you, act like adults, there should be no problem. Children need love, so what if some comes from your ex's new lady? When you are done with school you will have your child and depending on how you act with your ex now is how he will act when you finally have time for a new love. Keep things peaceful for your child.

Answer 4

How is it easier for you to see your child when he lives with your ex instead of living with you? Or do you mean you don't have custody?

Your ex is an adult, it's his choice to remarry (or cohabit). You may feel your child doesn't need "a new mom" but no one can really take your place; if you have a good relationship with your child, you really have nothing to worry about. If however you are an absentee mother, maybe you need to work on this and reassure your child of your love and presence in his/her life.

Answer 5

Wouldn't you see him every day if he lived with you? There are tons of working single moms, so not sure what you are talking about.

You do nothing - you don't hold a lien on your ex's life. It's not about you or bringing in a second mom - so get over it. Your ex is moving on with his life.

If you aren't happy with your child having another mother figure, then step up to the plate and be a full-time mom. She may be very nice and if she is good to your son, it will probably be good for him to have a full-time 'step mom' around for him.

Answer 6

Get over yourself and think of what is best for your child. He needs to be able to know that the adults in his life are able to get along and give him security and peace.

If you make him feel bad about accepting another loving adult into his life, you are making sure that he will have behavioral and emotional problems for a long time.

Ever heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child"? That means that every adult can add love and direction to a child's life. Try welcoming the partner into his village!

---BTW---I managed to get along with my ex's wife for several years, we shared babysitting, holidays and school functions without a problem. It made life better for ALL of us.

Answer 7

There is nothing that you can do. He is holding up his life by taking care of his child full time when you said you wanted to do that and you are then going to deny him a girlfriend? That hardly seems reasonable to me.

Also, if he marries that girl or another girl, your child will have a step-mother whether you like it or not. So, get over this idea that he does not need two moms.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 8

Oh dear, I'm living this right now too...YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Luckily I wanted him out, but it still stings. I get mad sometimes, but I keep it to myself & away from my son! You can't change it, and all you can do is be positive, even if you have to fake it for the kids. Sooner or later it was giong to happen, keep that in mind, and as long as the kids are ok, you should be too!

Answer 9

Don't stress....kids know who their mother is....I have three step children and they know I am not their mother...I don't even have to tell them that I am not, they know. She will hopefully be the best friend that they will ever have. My ex has a girlfriend, we have 50/50 custody of our daughter. His girlfriend takes our 9 year old daughter to get her nails done, takes her shopping, cooks with her and fixes her hair. I love this woman for being so nice to our daughter....she makes her feel safe and loved...what more could I want? She knows I am her Mom and she loves me as a mom and the girlfriend as a happy part of her life. I promise you this is not a threat. You are Mom.

Answer 10

My brother went thru this. If you are the one having the difficulty finding out your ex has moved on--it just takes time. Don't listen to what others said...about getting over it and stuff. I am sure you know that. You move on at your own pace. Sometimes it takes seeing him moved on---for you to move on. Time heals. Secondly, it's not easy seeing someone else spend days with your kids, and parent them. For that, you need to discuss discipline and boundaries with your EX. And things might be sketchy at first. Your kid might hate the new person. Or they build a relationship with your kid and things are wonderful. Or things don't work out. Your kid is either happy...or heartbroken that the new family is over. And talk things over with your kid. Explain to them it is ok for dad to move on, and validate his feelings. If he likes the new lady, that's ok. Let him know you are happy for dad. If he does not like the new lady, that's ok too....talk things thru. If things get too difficult, schedule therapy.