I am hurt and angry and fed up....?

Question

So I married a man who totally has my heart but I feel like it's fading. our love life sucks. He just doesn't get it. I have done everything from buying books to going to bed nude. He thinks a touch here and there is all it should take. He acts like a child. I bluntly asked him last night to make love and he says I didn't get a nap today. That totally pissed me off. We were trying to have a baby but he insisted on a condom. I am finished. I don't know what else to do. I don't want men answering this question that think they can talk to me about sex. I am married. But I need some womanly advice. There is no end. He watches TV and ....uHHHHHHH! he hurts me so much inside that I sometimes cry becasue there is no love making. It's always just sex. Lat night I just satisfied him and went to bed. I really think I am done. There is no passion or the feeling that he really needs me or wants me. I work, make dinner, try to clean the house ( Keep it neat) but I guess that is

not enough. I am to the point to whatever. He makes sex sound like its nasty and he hates it. I have talked to him over and over about it and he says I criticize him. But I have tried to explain it to him but he still doesn't get it. No Affection, only little pecks every once in a while. I feel less and less like a woman and more like a lump of coal. Should I go to counciling just me because he won't go. He says nothing is worng with our marriage. Should I just go to bed everynight and just ignore him like he does me and say to hell with it? My dream of having a child while married is out the freaking door. Now I don't know if I want to have a baby until he grows up. I am so so so so hurt.

Answer 1

You two need counseling in the worst way. He has serious sexual hang-ups. You want a baby so bad you just hang on and get your nose rubbed in it every time.

I don't think you two are headed out. But if you don't get to where you can help fix each other's problems, the moment could come. Get that help to save your love life.

Answer 2

Hi,
It is good that you did not have a child yet. And please dont try to have one until or unless you sort out the issues in your life now. Many things are not known from your note, but, one thing is clear. You are unhappy because you are not getting the care, love, affection, respect and the physical peasure you need in this relation. You have been trying to attain all these, but, probably your method of communicating all these or your way of pushing these too much have caused some extreme resentment and resistance in your partner. Now whatever you try is making him more upset and it in turns affects you and you have reached a situation where you feel like leaving. Ultimately if you cannot get what you want from this relation, you have to leave. But before that, remember what you said in the beginning. That you married this man who has your heart totally. Is that not a big, very important point for you to consider before you take a final decision? Some thing, or many things have caused the current state between you two, there is not point in finding who did what, but you should only think about what needs to be done now. Ask yourself to what extent you would go or try to get back your man of love back in your life the way both of you enjoy and be happy together. If you are ready for this, then, tell him that you want to live with him happily and that you feel there are certain things to be improved between you and him and hence it is better you and he meet a counsellor. He has already said your relation need not, okay, so he will again say the same thing. Dont pick a fight then, just smile at him and say you would go first and listen. Tell all your worries or happenings to the counsellor and let them guide you further. Remember, love matters finally and if you two have love for each other, you could turn around things. If not, you can move away and find your life elsewhere. Take care.. all wishes..

Answer 3

I can feel your pain, I don't know if it's sympathy or empathy. Men, don't understand that women feel and they think things through. I know that you feel less and less like a woman and most like a NOTHING. The part that get me is... if you are trying to have a child, he keeps wearing condoms, then he doesn't want to have a baby. Maybe he need to be a real man and tell you that he want to wait on a kid. If you are waiting for him to be passionate to you, you'll be waiting forever. Some men just want to get to the point, which leave you unfulfilled. It might be time for you to take the throne and show him what love making is all about. With his attitude as such. You should hold off having a child right now. He may think making love, makes a baby. He need to answer why is he wearing a condom and you all are married. I would want to know that above all questions. I don't think you should find someone else as other's have stated. I think you need to show him what he is missing. So for that, you are going to have to show him what love making is. You need to take your time and start off the foreplay. Go slow and if he seems to be getting to fast, slow him down. Kiss him softly, and then faster when it is time for him to climax ease off. Talk to him and tell him that you love him and you need to feel him and that if he like to wait on a child then you will. Maybe that's what putting the pressure on him. That is why he thinks there's nothing wrong in the marriage. If he is not ready to have a child, then you must honor that.

Answer 4

You know what you want to do and that is leave.I know the unhappiness you are feeling and it does make you feel less as a woman.Some guys enjoy making us feel lesser of a woman it makes them feel like more of a man.It doesn't matter how long you've been married if you are not happy and feel you are done.Then you are probably done.As far as the baby thing goes.I think when he wanted a condom that should've told you he didn't want a baby.Sometimes they say things and don't mean it.They say those things they don't mean to shut us up and slowly mentally abuse us by playing the mind games.Open your eyes and make a decision on what you want.You have two choices.Stay and put up with it or leave and make yourself happy again.

Answer 5

You sound like ur going thro a really bad time? but dont give up on ur marriage. Wait for him to get home from work, make a nice meal with some candles and sit and talk to each other. Explain to him that you have needs, wants and desires. Tell him you adore him and you dont know why he is behaving this way but what ever the reason is it is starting to push you apart. Tell him you want to feel appreciated and loved. Hope fully he will come round to the way you think. And if he doesnt then maybe its time to think about showing your love to someone who will love you back.
((good luck hunni))

Answer 6

how can you tell a male not to talk to you about sex cause you are married when you put your bed room life out there this is question and answer for all male and female we only have your side sounds like hes lost interest for you also do you think hes messing around usually when a man are female find another relationship they turn cold toward there mate hang in there and pay close attention to the things he do he use to not do you will be able to pick up on signs

Answer 7

we can all say what we would do but the choices you have is what do you want? try going to couseling by yourself it may help you. you need to sit down and talk to you hubby, if he wont talk to you then pour your heart out on paper and let him read it. he may be going through some emotional stage as well. men do go through changes too! but dont give up just yet. giving him a dose of his own medicine will only worsen the situation and you dont want to do that. give it some time, things will get better. sounds like he may have a lot going on with him and with men they dont like pouring thier heart out cause they dont like to look weak. try your bestto salvage your marriage and if he wont help you with the problem then dont stay in a relationship that makes you so miserable and unhappy. you too deserve that. and in the end, he cant say you didnt try.

Answer 8

First of all, its a good thing you's haven't brought a child into the relationship. You need to sit down with him and explain your feelings to him. You need to ask yourself "Was the passoin there before and its faded or was it never there and you were looking thru rose colored glasses? What does he do for a living? Sometimes their job has alot to do with things, stress etc.

Answer 9

thinking about ur problem and talking will make him move back,in freindly way do not do what pleases him anymorelrt it be if you do not give me what i want then i won t ,let him worry that may be u ll have an affair don t say the words but put it in his mind by ur actions,be calm ,be sexy all the time do not start

Answer 10

while it doesn't seem like it you will learn to live again and love again
if we look at what this guy is saying by his actions , we see he doesn't want to commit to you with a child, he doesn't trust you hence the condom and he feels no lust or love towards you

you arnt his wife, lover or friend
your his mom

leave

get anew life with a man who wants to rip your clothes off
your relationship is over you just cant accept it yet