I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now. Things have been fine up to now but recently I have been unhappy with the relationship. We were moving towards buying a house and getting engaged, but it just didn't feel right.
We've been on holiday together, moved in together (due to my home being flooded out) and have spent a lot of time together.
Last night I made the decision to finish the relationship and she was so upset. She wants more time to see if we can make a go of it. I however don't feel that way. Perhaps some time on my own will help me?
I think I know in my heart of hearts I've made the right decision but I have to remain strong and not go backwards.
Breaking up is so difficult. I feel so awful but also relieved at the same time.
2007-11-26 20:39:37 · 22 answers · asked by nickyboyzuk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know the feeling bud!!
I'm thinking of doing the same thing!!
Maybe try seperate flats for the time being, might realise you do want to be with her!
Either way, let her down easy, and try to stay mates!!
2007-11-26 20:43:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Judging from your past questions, this is not an entirely new feeling(as in the relationship not being "the one") Have you asked yourself why? It's sounds simply, but really if you ask yourself why she is not the one (ie different views on marriage/kids or other important issues) it can give you a better understanding, not just for this relationship, but for others in the future.
Only you can decide if you made the "right" decision for you. And yeah, these kinds of things can be quite painful.
Be careful for what I call the "heroin withdrawl" phase(where you feel lovesick form the withdrawl of the relationship and can even ache for that person). It's when you actually suffer withdrawls form the person once a relationship has ended, this is usually the time when people get back together that really are not compatible.It usually leads to more hurt and pain for both parties.
Be honest with yourself. Are you just going through the anxieties of taking the next step(which should feel right in your heart) or are you two just two different people? If you can answer that question honestly, then you will know, or be reassured that your decision was what is best for you.
I wish you the best.
2007-11-27 01:20:30 · answer #2 · answered by Uni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel, breaking up with someone is never easy and it is very easy to say 'lets try again' but you will only be doing this to try and make her happy, rather than yourself, and you will end up in the same position, breaking her heart and feeling guilty. You know, deep down, you have made the right choice so do not go back on that. You are right, you need some time alone, to try and figure out how you really feel but I think, from what you say, you have made your choice. She is desperate to hang onto what you have and that is understandable, she is upset and probably sees no reason as to why you want to split. Just be honest with her, tell her your thoughts and let her know that this is what you want. She will take a while to realise but she will see in the end, that this was the best way. There is no point being together if you are not wanting the same things.
2007-11-26 21:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, breaking up is not just for the sake of feeling relieve. U didn't mentioned the reasons behind for doing so and it doesn't seems like she's the problem too, hope I'm wrong.
Been together for a year is not a short time and to the point of making marriage arrangement is definitely not an impulsive move. But why, at this time.
There must be a true reason behind, which I don't know why, and. well, yr partner don't sounds like a bad one either. So whatever it is, do exercise caution in making this decision, u never know that after sometime later, u realise that she's could be the most wonderful gal you've ever meet! Take care.
Like I say, whatever will be, will be. Cheers!
2007-11-26 21:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good for you. So many people stay together for the wrong reasons. I left my husband because i had fallen out of love with him. I didn't want to fill the gap by having an affair either. Was the hardest thing i ever had to do. 6 months later i met a wonderful guy. We've been together 3 yrs now and i just feel so lucky and glad i made the right decision. My ex husband is also now with a lovely lady. It might seem hard now, because your girlfriend still wants you. But you are definitely doing the right thing dude. Don't be hard on yourself. Good luck!!
2007-11-26 20:56:28 · answer #5 · answered by Jackass 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you know you've made the right decision. The worst thing you can do is to drag it out - it might seem difficult for her right now but making a clean break will let both of you move on. Its easy to stay out of guilt (and the genuine pain of seeing someone you care about so upset), but in reality that often causes more hurt in the long-run.
Don't beat yourself up about it - its a horrible thing to have to go through on both sides and it sounds like you've worked out how you feel and made a strong decision. Good luck with everything!
2007-11-26 22:09:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jules888 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The don't go back. I had exactly the same with my ex-fiance and to this day I am glad I made the decision. It is better to cause hurt now than getting a divorce after having 2 kids! I do not in any way regret my decision. He got married to a Chinese catalogue bride about 2 years later so can just get on with that now.
2007-11-26 20:44:02 · answer #7 · answered by Charlene 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you already know the answer to your question. You are doing the right thing (even if your girlfriend is unhappy about it). It takes two to make a relationship work and if one isn't 100 % sure then it wont work out at all. Make a complete break and allow your girlfriend to move on also.One day she will realise that you were not the one for her (just as you realise now that she isnt the one for you) good luck!
2007-11-26 20:50:43 · answer #8 · answered by bevalou 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you truly feel in your heart of hearts that you don't want to be with this woman, then yes, you're making the right decision. It's a tough decision to make. It sounds like you've got a level head and this wasn't just a rash decision in the heat of an argument. As long as you have thought things through and you are comfortable in your decision then I agree you have made the right choice.
2007-11-26 20:45:18 · answer #9 · answered by thats_lovely101 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Often we create and then, once a relationship blossoms, tend to stay in it at times out of comfort. You have made no mention of arguments or conflict of interests or conflict in general. There is also something plainly known as cold feet and the fear of not having the chance to experience something once a decission has been made. The fear of missing out on something. The fear of making a life long choice. The fear of failure. You either stayed out of comfort or you fear. If you feel relief then you are cheating her out of something better. Understand that if that is so, if you feel relief, then you must also accept that there is without a doubt something and someone to fill that area that you are about to leave. It will happen. Sometimes people end relationships and then once they see that person with someone new it kills them. If you find that being the case........ then you fear. If not......... then you remained out of comfort. The answer to your question that is the most accurate is going to hit you once you personally view and deal with the next person. Then you will know.
2007-11-26 20:47:59 · answer #10 · answered by Kerrick C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋