my husband left me and now i feel that only if i did what he told me to do things would of been better. where did i go wrong. i dont know where i went wrong.
2007-11-26 17:58:54 · 26 answers · asked by shelly 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He left...Be strong...I was married for 11years now divorced for 15 years...I'm Happy....You have to realize you don't need to be treated like a second class citizen he is no better than you... Have it in you to Hold it together and do what you have to do to fix your Life...Screw him...he left...YOu, He left....Think about it...you will be fine without him...Good luck get some advice from those closest to you...Mostly believe in yourself and be strong...I might suggest going to church if you are not already it honestly helped me through alot...Best of Luck to you...You, by the way didn't do anything wrong... I am sorry for what your going through...and I'm not going to lie it gets alot harder before it gets better...You'll be fine...
2007-11-26 18:17:24 · answer #1 · answered by Trix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women who have the problem of low self-esteem are the ones who feel guilty when the abuser leaves or abuses them.
He is controlling your emotions so much so that you cannot recognize when you are being controlled.
You need to get to a women's shelter if he is still abusing you(mentally and/or physically...the scars are just the same).
You should rejoice in the fact that he LEFT you.Let him GO. He is not any kind of man because he abuses women.
Go to a therapist and work on improving your self-esteem.I had the same problem when I was in college,and with the help of my Mom,I figured out exactly what HE did wrong,and that I was much too valuable to let him or any other man walk all over me.After I dusted off my heart,I found the right man and we have been together for many,many happy years.
You MUST get some psychological counseling.Unless you vent to someone who cares,you will forever be attracted to men who are pigs.You deserve better.Good luck to you.I mean that.
2007-11-27 02:09:26 · answer #2 · answered by gadzig 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You didn't go wrong anywhere, the relationship did. It's obvious you guys needed better communication; nothing is your fault because its more of a miscommunication between the both of you.
Remember you must both communicate without "harsh words" that will cause a person to "defend themselves". And if a person who wants to be always right then let the person win and just give in even if you disagree because arguments never lead to anywhere but disaster.
Take this as something that will make you stronger and move on. Find someone that you are most compatible with and easier to compromise with and understanding.
2007-11-27 02:04:28 · answer #3 · answered by Jeff 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He went wrong but if you contributed I would try to be conversant with it to improve the future . I would also seek a professional social worker with a psychology degree or just a psychologist to help sort things out . Never stay with an abusive mate. No one has the right to beat up on another .
2007-11-27 02:04:12 · answer #4 · answered by dogpatch USA 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's very important that you understand this is not your fault. Your husband was the one with the problem, not you. Get therapy with a therapist who can help you work through your feelings of guilt and help you realize you did nothing wrong. All the best to you!!
2007-11-27 02:31:12 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one deserves abuse -- sometimes the abuser makes the abused feel guilty. Get out of the situation and don't blame yourself. Try to get some therapy or at least some close friends and family to cling to as you heal and move on.
2007-11-27 02:03:47 · answer #6 · answered by bob 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You didnt go wrong he did and you need to accept that. I know that it is hard to be on your own but you can do it. We women are very strong and make it through anything if you set your mind to it. I have been through this too and it was very difficult to get over but I did it and my life is looking up everyday that goes by. Keep your head high and know that we are all in this together and you can do it
2007-11-27 09:24:23 · answer #7 · answered by jenniferk5683 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is his angle to make you feel guilty when you did nothing wrong. It's called CONTROL. As long as you were doing your wifely duty then you shouldn't feel guilty. My ex-hubby used to do that to me. One morning I woke the hell up and got me a lawyer and D I V O R C E D his ***.
2007-11-27 04:21:23 · answer #8 · answered by Bree 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You went wrong marrying him, although he was probably a flower giver and a back masseuse in those days. He is not Hitler and this is 2007, no obeying necessary. Good communication and true respect, loyalty and honesty are what makes a marriage work. You did not listen to him. Did he listen to you? Communicate, communicate, communicate!!! Leave nothing for guesswork (oh, but he knows what I mean), say it! Explain it. Listen! Both of you!
2007-11-27 02:12:00 · answer #9 · answered by yolkyolk 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only thing you did "wrong" was allowing it to continue. Be glad he was the one that left so he can't hold that over your head as well. Its a horrible cycle- I've been there but I was the one that had to leave after 5yrs.
2007-11-27 02:04:28 · answer #10 · answered by OregonCass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋