Does my second sentence sound rude?

Question

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Dear Sir,

I hope you still remembered me. I did video editing for you around June 2007 and sent the invoice through Mike. Unfortunately, until today I still haven't received my payment yet.

Could you please check if there is a problem with your company's financial system?

Answer 1

I would word it somewhat differently.

Dear Sir,
The invoice I sent to your company through Mike Xxxxx for video editing completed in June 2007 has not yet been paid. Would you please check your records and submit payment as soon as possible? I have enclosed a duplicate of the invoice in case the original has been mislaid.

Answer 2

Yers, it does

"Could you please check your archives and seen when the check was sent out? I have a feeling that it may have gotten lost in the mail system, in which case, I would need a replacement check."

This places the onus of the check on the postal service and not making it sound like they are crooks.

OK, they may BE crooks, but then they can make up some face-saving lie and send a "replacement" check.

You should also speak from strength

"Dear Sir, I am Peter Smith. If the name sounds familiar, I did some video editing for you in June of 2007 on the McKenzie project. I sent my invoice through Mike Edwards at the end of June, but have yet to receive payment for my work"

Answer 3

No, your second sentence reads: "I did video editing for you around June 2007 and sent the invoice through Mike." There is nothing rude about that.

Answer 4

November 26, 2007

Mr. _____ ______
Address
City, State Zip

RE: Payment of Services Rendered

Dear Mr. _______:

In June of 2007 I was hired to do video editing work for your company. Upon completion, I sent an invoice to you in the amount of $00.00. Unfortunately, I have not received payment as of yet, and I am just following up to make sure you received my invoice.

Please contact me at [phone] if you need any additional information.

Thank you,


________ _________

Answer 5

SAMPLE
Dear Sir, (best to put his name)
I have not received your remittance of $ ____ for the video editing job that I did for you in June 2007. In addition, you were sent two invoices, which I did not receive a response. Please mail me a check at your earliest convenience.
Sincerely

Answer 6

The second sentence, about the video editing, is fine.

Answer 7

its absoltely wrong and shws wrong attitude towards his business process of his company..

u shd hav asked.."Could u pls check and revert if it was struck somewhere in ur finanace or payment clearing section?"