What do you consider weight under control for in woman 40s?

Question

I'm in my mid-forties I am 5'4" weighed 126 pounds (57 kilos) before two kids now I weigh135 (61 kilos) and my husband is not happy with that.

I got down to 129 pounds a couple of years ago, through a lot of effort, but he barely acknowledged my efforts. I don't think my husband will ever be happy with me. He's an elite-ist and yes he stays in shape by running.

A snowboarder hit my knees hard three years ago so I can't jog any more without causing a lot of pain. I walk 2.5 miles 5 days/week.

He has repeated told me I'm fat and occasionally mentions divorce. He doesn't refer to my fattyness (out loud anyways) as much as he used to, but I can tell that he doesn't love me. He does not treat me with respect.

This has hurt me so deeply over all these years. I don't think I'll ever be thin enough for him. I can't stand him so much that I wouldn't want to lose the weight for him. I want to lose weight so I can fit in my clothes.

Am I kidding myself?

135 is not considered over weight for my height.

I am an American.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Yes I agree he's as caring as a shark. He says I don't have it that bad because he doesn't cheat on me and makes good money.

Answer 1

First of all your in the game for all the wrong reasons, if you aren't happy with your appearance then change it. You mentioned that you've lost weight in the past and he still hasn't given you the approval you are looking for, then why are you trying to please someone who would ***** if you hung him with a new rope? I am 40ish as well and I also had a terrible ski injury 4 years ago that required surgery and hardware that would trip most metal detectors. I let myself get up to 141lbs a couple of years ago, I was very unhappy and everyone knew it. Then I decided one day that my husband, my kids, my cat, my job, my anything couldn't fix me, I had to do that job alone. I did, it was and continues to be an ongoing battle, I started to work out every single day and got my weight down to 120. I eat in moderation and am always aware of what I put into my mouth knowing that I better be prepared to work it out in a sweat later. I increased my sexual awareness with my spouse and sex became a very exciting thing for both of us, I focused on the positive which was harder than not because I had a great deal of turmoil in my life. I continue each day to monitor my own metal awareness and make myself happy first then worry about the others, it seems to be the correct thing to do for now cause if I am unhappy everyone else that I am around is unhappy too!

Answer 2

Its good if you want to lose the weight for yourself, and weight loss is hard, especially since the older you get the more your motabolism slows down. When you are in your teens and early twenties just cutting some food out of your diet might do it but after that it takes serious effort. You should be proud of losing the weight you did, especially after two kids.

If this guy makes you feel that bad about yourself then he may be part of the problem, my advice would be to spend some time away from him, or leave him altogther and see how the weight loss goes. Its hard to think about yourself when you have a family but if you are not hppy with how things are going then I'm sure it can't be that great at home so maybe taking some time for yourself would be good for you and for everyone else when you come back happy and happy with yourself.

Don't listen to your husband and just do what makes you happy.

Answer 3

Believe it or not this is the third time I have heard this story just recently from 3 different women - you, my old school friend and also my co-worker. What is with these men? You are not fat my friend and even if you were what difference would that make? You also sound as if you are in good shape. I am in my 40's, 5'7 and weight 130 lbs but I have English genes so don't really put on weight easily but I do watch what I eat, drink 8 glasses of water a day and like you, walk alot. Most women as they approach menopause put on an extra 10 lbs - it is just the way it is.

Answer 4

Honey, what are you happy with. I'm in my 40's and my husband is great. I weight 175 and he tells me that it is not what is on the outside it is what is on the inside he loves. Can you say that about your husband? If not then you need to tell him and let him know how you feel and find out where you stand with him. Tell him that you are the same person that he married and fell in love with. Don't hold back he needs to know, and if he is any kind of a person he will listen and try to help you not hurt you. And if he contiunes then you know what kind of person he and that outside is more important and then you need to decide if you what your children and yourself around such a superfiscial person that has to bring everyone around then feel lower than they do about themselves. anyone that does that to someone they say they love needs help and I wish they could have the same experience that they dish out. Kind of like all these models that have been doing the fat suit in public. I wish that there were ways to show these kind of nasty type people how they make people feel so maybe they might get a clue. Honey I wish you well and I hope everything works for you but don't ever let anyone tell you any different "everyone is beautiful in their own way, you just have to feel it inside and it will radiate outward". You lose to where you feel good and is healthy for you and tell him to kiss your ***. Good Luck

Answer 5

Yes, you are kidding yourself. You could diet a bit or try a colonic (colon cleanse) to help lose weight but frankly there are a lot of women who would kill for 135. He needs to get over it. If he is that shallow, then maybe he needs to find someone else. You can do better than have to put up with this type of hostility and abuse. While this is not drastic in the abuse catagory, it is still stuff that he should not be worrying about. He should be glad that you can still walk after your accident and he doesn't have to push you around in a wheel chair.

Answer 6

I'm guessing you might not be American, since you know your weight in both pounds and kilos. Ideal weight for women could vary by culture, but one thing is clear- he's not happy with your size. Personally, I think you're fine at your height and weight.

You could try couples counseling because there could be other things going on that you're not mentioning. If he's older, it might be *him* who's having troubles with physical love, so he lays that off on you because it's emotionally less traumatic for him to blame any marital problems on you.

If there is something about your size that sincerely displeases him, then find yourself a counselor because you're in an intolerable domestic situation. Might be, it should be you who's looking for a divorce.

Losing weight is one thing, having a husband who's upset over a couple of pounds is another. From a health perspective, it'll be easier for you to shed a couple of kilos now than to lose 20 or 40 kilos in a decade. So go ahead, tighten up on your caloric intake, watch what you eat a bit. But your problem today isn't really weight, it's a husband who's intolerable.

I hope you can find a counselor who's able to help him resolve his obsession with a "perfect" wife, since there ain't too many perfect people on this earth. (He might look in the mirror to see an example.)

And he might be one of those modern yuppie types who judges everyone by his own unattainable standard of perfection: he might be "addicted" to physical fitness. Doesn't have to be heroin to ruin your life, it could be exercise, too.

A lack of respect for you might be a reflection of something else going on, too. If he's found another woman on the side, he could be having trouble accepting his lack of integrity as an adulterous husband. So, to compensate, he finds these putatively serious defects in you- your weight- and that might justify his indiscretions. See, the less worthy you are, the more he's "entitled" to cheat. I don't have all the facts, but the ones you present tell me that you need counseling for yourself, so you can see yourself for the good person you are, and you need couples counseling so you can see what's at the bottom of his complaints about you. Really, a few extra pounds is hardly sufficient to hurt your feelings over.

Good luck.

PS- are you Canadian? (Just a linguistic/lexical query.)

Answer 7

He sounds like a jerk since you are only 9 lbs more than previously, before the children.

I don't think you are overweight on the weight charts are you? He probably watches too much Top Model and Dancing With the Stars.

Recommend counseling. There's probably something else wrong with him.

Joy to you!

Answer 8

5'4 126??? Does the man know that even Twiggy put on a little weight? Id' check the computer to see if he's on those anorexia fetish sites. Your weight is fine, your needs to be ex- husband is a sicko lunatic who I'd beat to a freaking pulp If I ever heard him say otherwise. Why don't YOU mention divorce and get you a REAL MAN not the little boy have, so yo ucan be appreciated for the REAL woman that you are.

Answer 9

So, your husband is micro managing your weight? What's that all about? He has no respect for you and it has nothing to do with your weight. You are a human being. You are a mother. You have feelings. Your husband has no right to threaten you for being a human being, a mother, a person with feelings. He's using your 'weight' as an excuse to be cruel to you. You are married to a very cruel man.

Answer 10

He's rude and insensitive. You are by no means out of control in your weight. Ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling and treats you like that then ask yourself if you really want to live with him the rest of your life. Threatening divorce in my home would be a sure fire way to GET ONE! If he's willing to let you go he's not worth holding onto and it's wrong and unfair to hold divorce over your head. If he really loved you he'd love you as your are.