Should I be the one appologizing???

Question

So I found porn on my computer...Yes its mine not his!!!So thats even more dis respectful right??Any way weve had more than too many fights about this whole porn thing it makes me feel unwanted and yes I've shared my feelings about that trust me...Well now he is in bed ignoring me like I'm the bad guy!What the hell is that about !?Should I just keep letting this go and give into him or what?I feel like this may tear our marrage apart,and thats not really an option being as though we have 2 kids and a third on the way!!!

Okay most of you just ain't gettin' it!!Its his nasty porn on my pc!!!Duh!Ok now go ahead and answer...

Answer 1

There will be all kinds of people telling you that there is nothing wrong with porn...that it is normal for men to watch porn and that all men watch it...TOTAL BULLCHIT!!!....I am not a fan of porn....my husband doesn't look at it...because he respects my feelings regarding the filth....It is so funny to watch the guys and some women come out on YA to defend porn when a woman is complaining about her husband watching porn...but much earlier today a guy was complaining about his wife watching porn...and how he was concerned about her wanting to be with someone with a bigger d*ck.....and asked what he should do....Guess what?? Only a couple of guys made a comment....most were women....so where were the guys then defending porn???


GEEZZZZZZZZ...She said she found porn on HER computer....Meaning that he got on her computer to look the porn up....not that the porn was hers....

Answer 2

Webin,
The issue has gone much beyond porn now and it has made you upset, made him upset and also is almost tearing your marriage apart. You two have 2 kids and the 3rd is on way. My dear girl, what matters now? The point of who did what or who should lose this battle or whether this relation should be saved? Come on, only people who are strong at heart can apologise. Especially when they know it is not their fault if they have to do it, they are the strongest, purest people. I think you are one of those.
There is nothing wrong in seeing erotica, even counsellors or sexologists recommend watching it together. So, it is not a mistake if it is understood by both partners. Whether a guy worries about something or whether a woman worries about something after seeing porn is totally dependent on how self confident they are. I feel you and your husband have been having a wonderful relation and you desire each other and you have been enjoying quite well each other. The 3 children talk a lot about that. So, none of you need to worry about how porn would affect the confidence you have in each other and selves. What matters now is to get over the current issue and save the situation. If you think the marriage should be saved, tell him you want him and you to forget about it and you value him and your children above anything else in this world, which is true. And dont talk about who did what while you try to do this patch up. Okay. Man or woman does not fail alone when a marriage collapses, they both fail. Take care..
And please make sure you dont get upset or hassled too much about all this. You are carrying and you need to take care of your baby well.
all wishes..

Answer 3

I'm a bit confused by the wording. You found porn and got pissed and blamed him, then it turned out to be yours?

Either way, if you feel apologetic, go in there and start with "I'm sorry this all went down hill so fast. I let my emotions get the best of me".

Keep in mind that the real problem isn't even the porn. Sure that's a problem too, and that started this whole thing, but the reason you're REALLY hurting is because you two are yelling and fighting and don't feel like you're on the same team.

So what you need to do is let him vent vent vent w/o interrupting and just listen. REALLY listen. Don't blame him, or give him excuses or be defensive. Just nod your head and say "I see what you're saying". You two don't have to agree on everything, but you do have to hear each other out.

It all seems like a huge deal now, but if you just keep compromise and communication and peace as the focus, then that is where you two will end up.

Answer 4

This might help 1) Grow in the love of the Lord and find help in the time of need, by searching the scriptures, praying with believers, and remaining in God's will. 2) God’s plan cannot be thwarted. Job 42:1-2; Proverbs 21:30; Isaiah 8:10, 13; Isaiah 14:27; Acts 23:16-22; Acts 23:11 3) Understanding God's Will by studying Jeremiah's Prison Ministry Jeremiah 32:1-44. 4) God uses every circumstance for believers and unbelievers, to accomplish his will. Prov. 2:1-6; John 16:14-15; Isa.14:24-27; 2 Cor. 4:3-4; Eph. 2:1-2; Col. 2:13; 1 Cor. 2:14; John 8:31-47; John 2:25; Luke 22:1-2; Prov. 16:4; Luke 4:13; Luke 22:3-5; Gen. 37:18-20; Gen. 37:25; Gen. 37:26-27; Prov. 19:21; Prov. 16:9; Psalm 105: 11-15; Ex. 34:23-24; John 7:30; John 8:20;Genesis 15:12-16;John 19:11;Acts 2:23;Ex. 1:8-11; Prov 21:1; Ex. 14:4, 31; Josh. 11:19-20; Isa. 10:5-6; Isa. 10:7; Isa. 10:15; Genesis 39:21; Ezra 1:1; Neh. 2:8; James 1:5; 1 Cor. 2:15; Eph. 1:17-19; Luke 22:31-32; Numbers 22:22-35 5) Bible verses on overcoming uncertainty .Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:7; Hebrews 11:6; Matthew 6:25-34; Psalm 121:3-8; Psalm 55:22; Hebrews 10:35 6) Pray for believers and persecuted Christians 1 Tim 2:1-4 Be in touch with the suffering believers, send them cards with your prayers in it, of hope and peace. People, who were misplaced, by persecution, should be helped by Christians, and they in turn may help and pray for the people, who are still there.

Answer 5

Why do you not like him watching porn? It is a normal thing for most people to do. It is not a substitute for you like you seem to think that it is. I think the two of you need to have a talk. You need to tell him why you do not like it and he needs to tell you why he wants to watch it. I think that a compromise is in order. It is not good for him to hide it and it is not good for you to find it on your computer if you do not want it there. We are all brought up it seems like to think that sex is a dirty thing. Sex is a natural thing and watching it is a turn on for some people. Have you ever watched it? I would consider it. Sometimes my husband and I watch it together. This is not going to tear your marriage apart. Both of you just need to understand each other. Have an open mind with him so he will feel that he can be honest with you. Listen to what he says and tell him how you feel. Sometimes men just want to get there without worrying about you. They are tired or distracted or whatever and just want to get the satisfaction without any thought or work. This is not a problem. When it is a problem is when it replaces your sex life.

Answer 6

You had me there for a minute. You found his porn on your computer. Don't give in. Look for help. Maybe counseling. He probably won't go. It's not right or fair to you and the kids. Something needs to be done about porn. I wish I had an answer for you.

Answer 7

I personally think this is about more then just porn. Honestly porn it porn. Unless he is looking at kiddy stuff or animal sex I would not stress about it. I think you may be more pissed that he didn't respect your wishes more then anything. He needs to realize this. You can not let this end your marriage. Have you tried counseling?

Answer 8

If you want this to change, go to a counselor together that you trust. Anything else is unlikely to work since porn addictions are hard to break and it is so easy to simply attack each other rather than 'fight' productively on your own when dealing with issues like this one.

Answer 9

I'd be upset.
My friend found her guy looking at porn and masturbating in the act... and the deal was that he couldn't delete the internet history so that everyone could see where they went.

He doesn't do it anymore. Maybe you and your guy could watch it together. Some guys find pregnant women a turn off, don't ask why, you may want to see if this is him.

Answer 10

Stay together for the kids' sake as long as that doesn't mean constant fighting. As for the porn: don't give in to him; you're quite right to object to it if it bothers you. And at the least, he should agree not to post it on YOUR computer.