He's cheating for sure, huh?

Question

My husband just got back home for leave from Afghanistan, and I have been doing everything in my power to make him feel like a king. I don't ask him to do anything, even though he does help out TONS around the house. I encourage him to sleep and relax while I am cooking dinner. I cook all his favorite things. I don't hound him about things about the home that need attention, although he sees them, or recalls my mention of them, and he has fixed all of them. Here is the problem though...

Now, it seems he doesn't want to have sex much. To be honest, he never really was a sex maniac, but I thought since he had been away for 8 months so far, he'd want to do it at least everyday...I certainly the hell could do with 3x a day, but I'm shooting for reasonable. He came home Thanksgiving day, and we have only done it twice. I am worried he is cheating over there. I am not unattractive at all. I'm in great shape, 5'10 135 lbs...and I do everything for him. I just don't understand...

...I have only changed in good ways. Like, become more toned and more fit since I did not need to lose any weight at all. I also wear a little makeup all the time now and wear sexy clothes. Other men stare at me all the time when we are out, but I want attention from him...and all he wants to do is watch WWE, sleep, or play chess on the damn computer. Then I'm over here on maximum sex overdrive.

I thought men always wanted to do it, especially after such a long respite? Does it sound like cheating to you? I am not conceited, but I feel safe in saying I could easily get any man. All the women in his unit look like wildebeasts.

Answer 1

hey its alright, i Had the same experience, just now my husband has been home for almost 2 years after being in Iraq for almost a year, and when he came home i was exactly the same way with him, the only problem i thought he didn't want to have sex with me.. i got so mad at him because it would be at least 10 days or 2 weeks before he laid a finger on me, but then after so long i understood, he was sad all the time like in another world, trying to fix everything around the house, trying to keep busy until i realize he wanted to keep his mind busy for the thoughts of what he had been thru in Iraq, what he's been thru 2 years later almost now, he has started to talk about it little by little, and now after some of the stuff he has told me about what happened there i understand and even feel bad for acting like a bee-otch with him that i wanted to just be in bed with him having only sex when i didn't think about him first and what he was going thru, he gave me a lesson, after Iraq sometimes he can just lay there besides me not kissing, not having sex with me but just stare at me, hold me tight as if the world is to end, he told me that all the time in the middle of every shootting he went thru all he kept thinking off was being back home in my arms and that was his safe place for him, and if he never talked about it or about what happened there is because he didn't want to hurt me, or that he didn't wanted me to think bad of whatever he had done there.
And sometimes even when we had sex some thoughts came to his mind like flashbacks and then he couldn't concentrate and started thinking of how bad of a human he was and there was I, loving him that much without knowing what he had done there.
Honey you have to remember its a WAR no matter what, there are CASUALTIES and even some of his friends probably might have been shot or worse, and he came home ALIVE, others dont have that luck,so don't think he is cheating on you just because he wont have sex, they're NOT even allowed to see explicit pictures, in another words they are NOT allowed to even have me send Victoria's Secrets catalogs there for him to buy me something for when he came home, if someone gets something like that, their ranks are on the line and could even be Court Marshalled, who would think of cheating if the middle of a war specially if you are trying to keep your self ALIVE???, instead think of a way to make him feel comfortable, sex is not always the answer and remember that to make love is more than sex, is just looking at each other, holding each other tight, enjoy those silly times together when he tickles you, watch a TV show leaning on each other, those small things can always make a big difference, and always remember one thing:
don't ask questions about what happened there, just be there and when he feels comfortable to talk about it like in my case with my husband everything will fall in to the right places in the right time, when he feels ready, just be there, LOVE HIM, comfort him, no questions asked, no doubts, and trust me you will achieve the greatest gift God has given you a healthy marriage and give thanks to God for bringing him home alive.
BTW: God bless you and your husband, him for his service and you for being strong and keeping it together here while he was gone, trust me I've been there and is the hardest thing I'd ever do in my entire life, so GOD BLESS BOTH OF YOU!!!

Answer 2

What happens over there, stays over there. He was not a sex maniac before and right now all he wants to do is unwind and relax. He may or may not be cheating but why should you care. He came home and did what he felt was his husbandly duties in fixing things and is helping out around the house. This is because it is his routine. He does this everyday in the military and this is his comfort zone. Let him do what he does and then at night talk to him and you take the initiative to start something sexually. You really need to talk now before he goes back. You two may just be sexually incompatable and this is the beginning of more troubles than you really think. I was what you were expecting when I came home from overseas but I am not him. Unfortunately, you may find yourself getting a friend if you can not jump start his motor. All this lack of sex will do is frustrate you even more when he comes home permanently. Start working on this immediately.

Answer 3

I'm wondering if he's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. That is really common among the military after seeing action or being in very stressful situations and the emotional effects can last a long time. I'm sure you know about that - alot of people in the military need treatment for this disorder after traumatic experiences during active service. They so unselfishly serve our country and then they have to deal with the aftereffects of the trauma they experienced and I think such people are heroic. But emotional difficulties like this can make a man act this way towards a woman he dearly loves and it has nothing to do with unfaithfulness. He might not want to tell anyone what he's feeling - because he might not want to make himself vulnerable or look like he can't take it - and it has nothing to do with you. He might be agonizing inside about what all of these emotional issues are doing to his sex drive but he might not be willing to admit it to anyone because it would make him feel or look like less of a man. I really think this is what it is. Maybe somehow you could ask him if he thinks his time in Afghanistan changed the way he looks at things...and that he seems like some things have changed...and maybe he'll open up. I think somehow you should talk about it with him in a respectful way that doesn't shoot him down and assumes the best, but does let him know how you're feeling. People dealing with emotional shock like this may react in unusual ways....ways you don't expect...so don't take it personally if his reaction surprises you. But you do need to talk it out with him. I think that would help.

Answer 4

When I first started dating my boyfriend we had sex 10 times a day, no joke. Now we have sex maybe 4 times a week, its just the lust and stuff calms down after a while, that could be it or maybe he is bored, he could be depressed about the problems in Afghanistan. A lot of military men cheat when they are so far away from home, a lot of them don't. I would say the best thing to do is talk with him asap because id say there is a problem for sure and it could be a number of possibilitys. Just cuddle up with him one night and ask him about his experiences over there or how he is feeling ect

Answer 5

Back off a little bit. You and I and everyone else have no idea what he is going thru. Forget about the pampering and the assumptions you may be making. Sit down and ask him what he would like while he is there, he will be silent so ask him again.

Did you ever think that his mind may be saying something like, OMG my wife was hot before I left but LOOK at her now! I am sure she has been seeing someone. Why else would she be looking so hot. And now she is cooking and cleaning and pamering me to make up for it. Why did I leave her alone. I thought I was doing the right thing but she found someone else and now looks so HOT and she is just placating me and can't wait until I leave again".

Talk to your man. Let him know again how proud you are of him and how proud all of us Americans are of him. Ask him how you can help while he is here. Ask him how you can help while he is gone.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Men who come back from service have many adjustments to make, from what I understand. While, no doubt, he's very happy to see you and be home, there is a chance that there is some residual depression from his experience overseas, which could affect his sex drive.

I would say give it some time. It sounds like you're wonderfully supportive. Continue to support him emotionally, and in the ways you've been doing, and I'll bet the sex will come around. If not after a while, you can talk to him about it directly. Good luck.

Answer 7

He does not sound like he is cheating. It sounds like he just got home from a war zone and it is strange. He needs time to adjust and to feel comfortable again. He has seen and done things unimaginable to some people. Being deployed to a war zone has effects on a person and some never go back to normal. Have patience and don't assume the worst. For future reference, when men cheat they still have sex with their wives.

Answer 8

Don't jump to conclusions....he's tired, he's been through a lot, he's just enjoying being able to relax at home. I know how frustrating it can be, I am in the same situation with a husband with low sex drive, but just keep loving him and don't get all suspicious. By the way, one thing that I have learned over the years is that even when he doesn't feel like it, if I wear sexy lingerie to bed and/or surprise him by using a toy on myself, he cannot resist! Hope that helps :)

Answer 9

I wouldn't jump to he's cheating just yet .Take into account what he's dealing with over there the fact that he has to go back so soon ,it's the holidays now . Maybe he's just a little down about everything, Plus I don't know your age but my husband has slowed down a lot in that department he'll be 29 in Jan. But if you can't get it off your mind start asking questions!!

Answer 10

First of all a man will cheat no matter how pretty his wife is so stop focusing on that. Im sure most do cheat away at war. They need something to amke them feel good. And stop trying to do everything for him you look insecure. I think you need to talk to him anmd tell him your concerns. You can dwell forever or ask. When my guy goes hunting after a week when he gets home we do it a lot. Cuz we missed eachother so much.

Answer 11

Maybe he is just putting his feet up and taking it all in and relaxing for a while. Your anxious and excited about him being home and I'm sure he is too, maybe he is just taking a breather from being away for a while. I wouldn't worry about it for now, I mean you have no reason to be concerned about cheating other than his lack of libido, just relax and spend time with him. There is more to marriage than just sex, spend a quite afternoon watching TV in his embrace, talk to him about his experiences and your time away from him, build on that, sometimes when you been away for a while you have to get reacquainted with one another again, if the problem persist than have a talk with him about it.