Is it appropriate for a teacher to hug a student?

Question

I'm a male teacher and today one of grade 10 female students was very upset and asked for a hug. She is a very sweet, innocent kid and I know that she would never mean anything by it, but I still wasn't quite sure what to do. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but on the other hand, a male in his 30's seen hugging a 15/16 year old student of the opposite sex could be seen as unappropriate by someone who wasn't aware of the circumstances, and the last thing I would want is to get in trouble for something as simple as a hug. What's your take?

Answer 1

Yeah.... I used to talk to one of my male older teachers alot, he helped me though alot of crap....

I did ask for a hug once because i was so upset but he just explained the reasons why he couldn't.... I remained his friend after school finished, and huged him then, and nothing weird or anything was meant by it then and it wouldn't have been anything weird if it was done when i was still in school, but it would defiantly have been against the law......

If you get scene hugging her, even if she says it was nothing it does not matter, you could loose your teachers license so dont risk it. Let her know you care for her and that you wish you could give her a hug but that you simply cant, if she respects you as a teacher which im sure she does then she will completely understand. I am sure she is gratefull enough that you are taking the time out to listen to her problems....

The world needs more teachers like you, so dont destroy your career and destroy other children's chances to learn from someone as caring and thoughtfull as you by hugging this student, as much as you are just trying to help her.....

xxx

Answer 2

I have a student who hugs EVERYONE all the time - students and teachers alike. It's just his nature. His mom laughed and said, "Yeah, that's my son." So I think it does depend on the kid.

As a teacher, I will have to admit that there is probably a double standard when it comes to male and female teachers. If I saw a female colleague hugging a student, I wouldn't think much of it. If I saw a male colleague doing it, even one I trust, I would for a split second raise an eyebrow.

You have a couple of options, as I see it. You can either politely tell her that the school policy prohibits you from giving her a hug (yeah, I always blame those in charge for things like this - then there's no argument from the student) or you could just put your arm around her shoulders, pat her on the shoulder, and be done with it. I wouldn't think twice if I saw that in the hallway.

Or you could do what I do: when someone is upset, I listen and then when I feel there is a place in the conversation where I might like to hug the person if it were a different situation, I say, "I have chocolate in my desk. Want some?" I usually get a little chuckle and a nod and we walk over to my desk where I keep a supply of Hershey's Kisses.

You're being conscientious - and that's a good thing. I'm sure you did the right thing, whatever it was. Good luck!!

Answer 3

Soory to say I missed th eoriginal post. 20 year teacher here and this answer is the same as the one i posted about facebook friending between students and teachers. It SHOULD be ok, but it's not safe. Assume I (male) am hugging a student who is battling with self - esteem issues. The lead-up to the hug goes as follows .... "I know it's hard to believe that all of this self doubt is not forever, but I promise it WILL get better" **hug**. Just one kid, parent, or teacher sees that (not hears) and makes an assumption, and a kid with esteem troubles ends up blamed for the firing of a caring, giving teacher... lose lose situation. I hug anyway. I'll rot before I fail to minister to the ones who need it.

Answer 4

Yes, I thought it would be a snap to answer. But my coaches, teachers who did hug me in high school were female like me, and that was 26 years ago - when we weren't all whiney crybaby Americans. I would have refrained from hugging and would have just taken her hand and looked into her eyes and told her that I could lose my job if I did, but that it will be okay, it will get better, tell her she is strong and this will all work out.

Answer 5

as a student i like to give my teachers hugs but make sure she knows its friendly and nobody thinks something wired is going on . now don't go hugging her all the time, as i said a little side hug or a pat on the back could never hurt

Answer 6

Here's the proper response when a student says they are upset and need a hug:
"I'm really sorry you are upset. I wish I could make your pain go away. I can't hug you, but I can tell you that it really helps to talk to someone when you are upset. Let's walk to the school counselor and see if she's available for you to meet with her."

Answer 7

I get hugs all of the time at one school I sub at. One kid last year hated me now she wants to hug me. I try to hug so that it is not a frontal hug. Frontal hugs can be miss interperted. I am very careful about it. I have not gotten in trouble for it but, I am careful about it.

Answer 8

Long ago, I heard someone say :
"The difference between a "school-master" and a "station-master" is that the former trains the minds and the latter minds the trains!"
So the teacher has every right to be close to the mind of the student rather than his/her physique.

Answer 9

I think if nothing is ment by it then it would be ok. I know sometimes I need a hug, and if a really cool teacher understood that and decided to give me a hug I wouldn't mind. Unless that teacher was a perv or something. I think its okay. As long as nothing else happens its ok.

Answer 10

The school that I teach at there is a "Zero Tolerance" for any bodily contact between teachers and students. With minor exceptions to handshakes and other appropriate greeting jesters.