Should I give my baby my last name?

Question

I was engaged for a long time, until I found out I was pregnant. Now, the father wants nothing to do with me unless I give the baby up for adoption. I finally wrote his parents an e-mail, hoping they might encourage him to grow up, but instead, they are blaming me for getting pregnant and they say that if I keep this baby it is the biggest mistake that I will ever make.

He says he will have no part in raising the baby. Legally, he has to pay once the court mandates a paternity test. My mother gave me her maiden name, and when she married my stepdad, I didn't have the same last name as either of my parents. I never knew my real father, but I always felt kind of lost.

Should I give my baby my last name? Or should I give it his? Or should I actually give in and give it up for adoption since I will have no paternal support? Please help.

Answer 1

First of all, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this! There is plenty of support out there for you, if you're ex-fiance and his family aren't willing to pay. But the first question you really need to ask yourself is, do you want this baby?

If the answer is yes, then i think you should give the baby your last name. If the father is not interested or willing to be part of your baby's life, than you shouldn't give the baby his last name. Is your mother and stepfather supportive of this? Hopefully you can get support from them.

I hope everything works out for you. xoxo

Answer 2

You can give your baby whatever last name you want, and he doesn't have to sign over his rights to do so. I would give the baby your last name definitely. If he really doesn't want anything to do with his child then he shouldn't even have the satisfaction that this child has his last name. Plus, down the road it might get confusing for the child to have a last name of a family he doesn't even know (if they're not involved in the baby's life).

I wouldn't give your child up for adoption just because you don't have paternal support. There are tons of single moms out there who raise intelligent, well- behaved, beautiful children. You can do it on your own.

Best wishes

Answer 3

I am pregnant now (10 weeks) and the father wants nothing to do with me... I thought about the last name thing too. I just got divorced in 2007 and went back to my maiden name... good thing!!
I am most likely going to give my baby my last name so we are a team! He has to pay child support either way... but I figure why confuse the child giving him/her a last name of a person he/she may never see. . . If he comes around before I have this baby & requests his last name....then i would do it.. but if he isn't giving me the time of day...i am looking at it as "my' kid..."my" last name.


--i have also been on the fence about adoption too . . . because of him not being around and raising a child on one income and his absense... but I am pretty sure i am gonna just keep my baby --after i start growing..i can't see how i could let him/her go.

Answer 4

Wow sounds like a complete ******!! I'm sorry but thats not real love and be happy u got out of it b4 u 2 got married and realized wat a dick he is. Most guys never can understand the bond between mother and baby. I would give the baby your last name and make him pay child support and give up his rights. If he didnt want a baby then he shouldnt be having sex. And for his parents to tell you that your making a mistake is jus sooooooo messed up. A baby is never a mistake. If you feel like your not ready for a baby tho then go ahead and go with adoption. But I would not go back to him. You deserve better and someday you will find a guy who will make you even more happier than he ever did. Good Luck hun!

Answer 5

You are lucky you found out what a jerk this guy is before you got married. Unfortunately, you didn't find out before you got pregnant.

I don't think you should "give in" and give the baby up for adoption. If YOU decide that's the best option for YOU, then do it, but don't do it because a bunch of jerks are pressuring you to do it.

As for the last name, talk to a lawyer or someone who can tell you how easy it will be to collect child support if you don't give the baby the father's name. I personally would give the baby my last name, name the jerk on the birth certificate, and make sure he pays you support.

Then, when you find a wonderful man who loves you and your baby and wants to marry you, he can adopt your baby and he or she will "belong."

Good luck!

Answer 6

If I were you, I would give the child your last name. He doesn't deserve for the baby to have his namesake. If you get him for child support, he will have legal rights to be able to see the child, if that is what either of you want. Otherwise, you can get him to sign off all his rights to the child & then he will not have to pay any child support. I wouldn't give the baby up just because this guy turned into a major A hole! Single women raise babies on their own all the time! Best of luck to you!!

Answer 7

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

And his parents ought to be ashamed. They may agree that it's not the right time for you two to start a family, but blaming you? Last time I checked ...

Anyhow, I think you *should* give serious consideration to giving your child up for adoption. It takes a lot to raise a child, and going it on your own is tough.

But if you decide that you do have adequate financial, emotional and spiritual supports in place to raise your baby, give it your name. It's pretty clear that you'll be lucky to collect child support from your former fiance, much less see him take a meaningful role in your child's life. That's sad, but it also means he doesn't get the honor of seeing his name carried on.

Best wishes.

Answer 8

Speaking from experience, I have 4 children and pregnant now with my 5th. My first son is not my husbands and I did not give him his fathers name because he did not want nothing to do with my son. At the time I felt like I do not want to give my son that mans name because he is not going to be in his life and I cold avoid my son asking me questions about his stupid father. The only good thing about giving that child they fathers last name is Child Support however, with a blood test it could still be done. I had to raise my son by myself although I did have support from my mother. I do not regret my son at all because he is a wonderful child. If you want your baby keep that child and raise him and believe me things will work out. Screw his parents, if they do not want anything to do with your child it's there lost. Good Luck to you!!!!

Answer 9

Have that jerk off sign over his paternal rights and you give that baby your last name! and when you marry someone just hyphenate your last name's, so you're son/daughter won't feel lost. If you give this baby up for adoption you might regret it! Screw those people, what a bunch of jerks seriously, they'll all have to live with the guilt someday

Answer 10

It always sucks to hear a pregnant woman having to have a hard time during a time that should be filled with happiness and joy. Do exactly what you want to do...Don't be influenced by others especially others that seem rather ignorant. If you can, talk to someone from the health department about medicaid if you haven't already. They offer so much from medical to childcare to food ya know? As far as the last name thing I would just give he/she my last name. I know maybe later on they will want to know why you did that but explain to he/she why and like someone said earlier get your name hyphenated if you ever get married...good luck