Does this make sense?
Her lips were a luscious tint of red, her eyes, a twinkling orchestra of cerulean, and her hair, a wave of golden sunlight.
If you have a better way for me to word it....
Or if it just makes no sense at all....
please tell me..
Thanks for you time
2007-11-26 12:39:35 · 13 answers · asked by jeslynthompson 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
I am writing an original greek myth, and here I am describing a nymph that Zeus falls in love with.
Just in case you were woundering.
:-)
2007-11-26 12:50:38 · update #1
Sounds very good - try using less commas, and change your verb tense (from were to are):
Her lips are a luscious tint of red, her eyes are a twinkling orchestra of cerulean, and her hair is a wave of golden sunlight.
edit: hair is singular - use "is"
2007-11-26 12:45:24 · answer #1 · answered by Beau 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wonderful visuals but kind of a long sentence that sort of runs on each other I'd split it up into seperate sentences. Like this:
Her lips were a luscious tint of red. Her eyes, a twinkling orchestra of cerulean. Her hair, a wave of golden sunlight.
Oh and she sounds like a hottie ;)
2007-11-26 20:44:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Shade is a better word than tint. Other than that, it's fine, although, as someone else pointed out, a bit cheesy. Just the sort of chick I'd expect to run into on 'a dark and stormy night'.
2007-11-26 20:49:12 · answer #3 · answered by curtisports2 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe change twinkling orchestra to sparkling sky?
And maybe turn wave into ray...
Just suggestions!
2007-11-26 20:45:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really good, very descriptive...I just don't understand how you're comparing her eyes to an orchestra.
2007-11-26 20:45:14 · answer #5 · answered by Brittany Jones 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is really good!!! Giving all that information gives people a visual image of what is going on. Awesome!
2007-11-26 20:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very good, but I would omit "tint of" and just say "red". Also omit the commas after "eyes" and "hair". Good job, though.
2007-11-26 20:47:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
dont listen to dankest one please, those are sentence fragments.
i would only change the word orchestra. they could be twinkling oceans, or seas of cerulean....
2007-11-26 20:51:11 · answer #8 · answered by Fission Chips 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I honestly love this sentence. Your use of metaphors actually gave me the image of what you said.
This is perfect!!!
2007-11-26 20:43:14 · answer #9 · answered by surfershorty18 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it makes sense. Another way to say it... "She was pretty"
2007-11-26 20:43:14 · answer #10 · answered by beckoningsubstitutes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋