Do you hate your life?

Question

i hate my dad mayb he never abused us (unless slapping me when i was 6 mnths for not eating my food counts and getting slapped everyday even when i was like 4) but this is how my life was w/ him almost everyday.....he'd come home look for everything 'messy' in the house and yell at us pretty much everyday.............and it doesn't sound bad but u shud see him when he gets mad it's scary as **** (not as much after 15 yrs of seeing it but he still has gotten my leg to shake sometimes)

if it helps to understand all the little kids who've known him well don't like him and i HATE him sometimes i wish he was dead and can't wait till the day he dies i know mean but srry....he's gotten a lot better and does it a lot less especially after my mom left and came back (which she did for money and lonliness).......speaking of my mom i should mention how ******* passive she is she might fight back w/ him and for my and my bro sumtimes but she still lets him have full control.....even when they we

re seperated he controled her...he had to know where she was who she was w/ and it was worse than be4 and more......he controls me n my bro 2 (4 ex. i'm not allowed to spend the night at any1s house or have a social life or any freedom or any friends except these 3 ppl cuz we're related to them) he controls us in every aspect of our lives not just freedom..and it'll be the same w/ even marriage !...o and i should mention how he cheated on my mom but my mom never divorced him....my mom is very 'o i don't feel like dealing w/ it just deal with him (my name)' and makes me feel like i'm being a brat when i yell or say something back to stand up 4 myself (which i'd never do be4 out of fear and he'd start putting me on the sport)

background info: his mom is very controlling even w/ his dad & is crazy & probably treated him worse if so that's where it cums 4m if you're wondering

and on top of it all he's mr. nice guy to every1 else so they all like him even our own family who knows how

he is to us and i hate how i feel abnormal cuz even my mom & bro don't hate him as much and how all my life my whole family has been telling him how i'm so rude and mean to him (especially when he'd ask for a hug IN FRONT OF EVERY1 ELSE) and i'm sooo abnormal for hating my dad.......siiiighhhhhhh the only way i see a way out of this is to get a job in which i have to travel and move that is though if he doesn't stop me (yes he'd do it at tht age)........i don't know if i can go to a college far away cuz i'm not tht smart and screwed over last yr by being lazy which i terrible regret now

which reminds me of my other 'problem' i don't even have any friends to comfort me because i'm painfully shy and the awkward person in school so every1 thinks i'm a freak and i have pretty much no friends (even my 3 'friends' i mentioned earlier said i'm like the weird quiet girl who sits at the back when i asked how i was a loser)....even adults think i'm awkward and not a normal child

i've thought about suicide and have tried it by smelling baby powder cuz i think it said that it was fatal at the back but i don't know if i want to do that now cuz it seems really disturbing reading this......but thanks every1 who took the time to hear me vent and didn't say something weird back i appreaciate it

o i 4got 2 mention 1 more thing even though this is extremely minor the guy who used to say hi stopped as soon as he like others realized i was a loser lol

Answer 1

Just know that this will past your dad has problems and unfortunately your mother is not strong enough to stop him.
For me I did what I needed to met the man of my dreams and moved out as soon as I knew I could take care of myself.
Difference between my dad was that it was cause by my step-mom who would set him on me and it was not yelling more like throwing me into the side of my wooden bed. My knees always shook when I knew he was coming and I was also known for pissing my pants when he came after me.
It wasn't fun
But now I know what parents are not supposed to be so My Kids will Never Be Afraid Of Me!!!!
Hang in there and do what you need to be better than him.
Go to college and get a great job and don't turn back.

Answer 2

i was in like similar situation as you growing up and let me tell you as an adult you feel like such an alien and life can be so painful.

Any advice I can offer? Hmmm...

It's so hard when you're young and stuck there. The only time I got away was when I took marital arts or dance class or cheerleading, etc but they interfered with that being buzzkills.

When I was 18 I left man! I had found a satanist b/f who had fed up rents too. Hard to believe but that devil worshipper boy was more humane and kind!

I was pretty messed up and had rage attacks from hearing their constant screaming, but they were physcially abusive too, kicking me in the stomach and locking me in basement and setting fire to the door, etc! So I ended up in mental hospital war a few times, a week stay. They forced me on chemical cocktails. My shrink met my mom and said she thought I was crazy but realized it was my upbringing. She witnessed my mom being NUTS!

So I'm off all meds. Life can still be quite painful. I can say when I was lucky to see a good therapist who was traditionally and wholistically trained, I felt there was a breakthrough but something always happened where I couldn't afford to keep going.

So I say, get in college and get away and if I could change something back then, I would have gone to group meditation, joined meetup.com (wasn't around then)
I would have chanted mantras instead of crying and hating so much

Like Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna, Krishna, Hare, Hare / Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama, Rama, Hare, Hare

or other ones to burn up any bad karma, b/c what we are experiencing now is past residue karma

Answer 3

I really understand what you are going through, you could be living in my family. Some people may say that you should not feel this way, but we don't get to pick our parents and unfortunately sometimes they are just not up to the task (and that is putting it mildly).

I know that down deep you want to look up to your father and care about him, but you find it impossible, because you probably see nothing to indicate he cares about you.

I don't know how to tell you to deal with it. I can only tell you what I did. I stayed away from him as much as possible, I left the room and went to my room. As I got older I found as many excuses as I could to get out of the house, I worked part-time,baby-sat with the neighbor kids, went to ball games out of town, joined clubs and participated in school plays and other after school activities, and I often spent the night with friends or my grandparents. I also studied a lot, and eventually was able to go to college and leave home for good. Good luck.

Answer 4

Mom needs to parent up, take the kids and leave. Or have him removed from the house for mental abuse. I yell at my kids but I also coach their teams, take them on vacation, and do other things for them. I don't yell everyday or constantly, in fact my kids rather ignore my yelling. (they are teenagers) Your Dad needs to see a doctor about these issues. He is stressed and under pressure and needs to find another outlet of release rather than taking out it on his kids. Just a few more years and you will be in college and out of the house. But Mom needs to get you guys out now.

Answer 5

ditto

Answer 6

and this in the marriage section why?