Husband is on computer for 6-7 hrs/night after work.?

Question

My husband is on the computer for 6-7hrs/night after work. He says this is what he likes to do. We are losing touch with each other and fast, but he doesn't seem to care, sometimes not getting to bed until after midnight and he went on at 4:00pm. We have talked about this "obsession" and it gets better for a week and then back to old ways. I'm hurt and scared we have nothing in common and I am tired of competing with the internet. What is normal time on the computer (I say 2hrs is generous) How can we work on our marriage if he cant tear himself away from the computer long enough?

Just wanted to add been together for 22 years and married for almost 16...high school sweethearts

Answer 1

There is no way to build your marriage when he is checked out for so many hours per night. My first concern is "what is he doing on the computer for that many hours?"...Usually someone spending that much time on the computer has one of three things going on...
.1) He is talking to someone via the internet (which if he is spending that much time with them, there is probably something going on)
2) He is looking at porn (which can become as much of an addiction as drugs or alcohol) or
3)He has problems with intimacy and close interpersonal relationships.
The internet can be a way of feeling connected without having an authentic and intimate relationship with another human. It can also be a great device for losing oneself...much like drugs or alcohol...an escape from reality and day to day stress.
I think the only way to address this is to get professional help. YOu may want to consider disconnecting the internet at home so you two can re-connect.

Answer 2

22 years is a long time and people, esp. men, often take each other for granted. Overfamiliarity breeds contempt...boredom

Internet addiction is huge!

Google "whipping therapy" Buy a nice whip, the endorphins released are said to break addiction and depression. You can take turns. Seriously, it was a Russian/Siberia study recently done.

Other than that. Maybe you can reach a compromise.
Friday nights and Saturday afternoon is couples time.
Saturday night and Sundays he can surf away, after chores are done and not at dinner time (he spends that with you).
And also he goes to bed with you at 10pm or whatever.

During the week, give him 3-4 hours (half of what he was doing, say M-R 4pm-8pm. BUT what do you guys like to do with the time after 8p? Do you like to go on walks, watch TV, play games, tennis, etc?

Write a schedule out and post it in the computer room. Help keep track of time for him. Tell him he gets three warnings or you go down and cut the power in the basement, etc.

Other than this, leave him!

Answer 3

If you want your marriage to be over then keep doing what your doing. He likes being on the computer and you want to take that away from him,that is how he sees it. I think you should let it go because he is going to do what he wants to anyways so why bother. I can tell you haven't been married long because anyone that's been married for awhile don't care. Your husband isn't at a bar or with another woman but that doesn't mean anything to you,you want him by your side even if he doesn't want to be there. You are in companion with his computer. I 'm sorry if it seems like I'm on his side but unless you give him a reason to not want tobe on the computer so long he will keep doing it night after night. You need to show him what he has been missing by not sleeping with you.

Answer 4

As a husband that is into World of Warcraft, I find playing the game relaxing after coming home from work. I too spent too much time playing the game than spending time with my wife. My wife was not happy that I was not spending the time with her but understand that I need to relax. So we came up with some to understand that there was going be days that I could play and there days that I spent with her. I even got her to start playing the World of Warcraft with me. Try getting involve in what he is doing on the computer and maybe you can get some new you two have in common.

Answer 5

You had part of your answer there already. TEAR that dang computer out or at least disconnect the internet. Tell him it is either YOU or the COMPUTER. Let him try to make love to the computer.....LOL If he is not willing to work with you to make your marriage work out then your marriage is about over. I hope there are no children involved.

Now there is an idea someone gave me. got a webcam?? Make a sexy video and post a shortcut on the desktop. NO wait he would probably sell it to some porn site to make money off of you. sorry what was I thinking...................

Answer 6

I think that you will have to make appointments with him and have a date. I think that he has found a retreat at the keyboard. In advance tell him that you would like to have him go to bed with you on such a such night. Tell him in advance that you would like for him to go with you to wherever it is that you want to go to. You might look at it this way. It is better that he not find interests away from home night after night. It is better that he doesn't go out drinking. He has found a new love and it's the computer. You will have to find a way of trickery to get him away from his love. I am sure you will find ways without demanding that he not be online. Telling a guy what he can do and not do will get you nowhere.

Answer 7

If your biggest problem is that your husband is an internet junkie, then thank God and kiss the floor. He could be cheating, unemployed, controlling, abusive, a lousy father, and alcoholic, a gambler, a drug addict, or many other bad things.

Answer 8

Kristen let me ask you this.... Why did you make a new screenname to ask this question? Are you guilty yourself of spending a lot of time online? I find it really hard to believe that you created an account here just to ask that question.

Answer 9

Unless you can turn things around quickly, I'd say there's not much hope to your marriage.

Answer 10

Get naked more and he will lose interest in the Internet.