husband issues?

Question

i have been married to my husband for 2 and a half years, we have a 5 month old boy. we have had great times, and some really rough arguments and fights..
during an argument today he told me to get the **** out of his face ( i wsnt in his face) he called me a ***** and told me that the only reason he is still with me is because i have pittied him into staying with me.
i feel so hurt, i have worshiped the ground he walks on but cant keep going through this. i think its time to call it quits.. he told me twice that he hates me today... and that im a slob and i wasted 2 years of his life.. wow
talk about mean..
what do you think?

Answer 1

Of course, you're perfect and he's a big jerk, we've heard this story before, blah, blah, blah.

If you ain't happy, then leave. What's the big decision?

Answer 2

It's no wonder that the sanctity of marriage no longer exist. People are too eager to thin out when things get thick. That's not the way it was meant to be. Marriage was never meant to be easy. You have to work at it every day. You will go through good times and bad times through out the entire marriage. Do you love him? There's not one person in the entire history of the world that doesn't say mean things or things that they don't mean in the heat of an argument. It is a proven fact that the 1st 2 years of a marriage can be the hardest because you are past that head over heels type puppy love stage and into the nitty gritty of learning each others faults and how to live with them. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Don't be so quick to give up. Sit down by yourself and think back to when you both first met, what attracted you to him, what were the qualities that made you fall in love with him and made you want to marry him in the first place. Then go sit down with him and without being overly dramatic, pour your heart out to him. Learn to quit throwing everything in plus the kitchen sink when you have an argument. Arguments are going to happen, it's how you 2 learn to deal with them that can make the difference. But before you are ready to give up, ask yourself if you have done everything absolutely possible to try and make this marriage work, try marriage counseling. Sometimes all you need is someone that's impartial that can understand both sides, and in doing that, can help you to understand each other side. Then if you feel like you've exhausted every avenue, and there's nothing left, you can walk away knowing you gave it your best shot. If you would like to talk about this on a more detailed conversation, please feel free to email me. Maybe I can help you to come up with something you haven't thought of. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Is this common? Or was this a rare situation? Is he coming at you for no reason? Or is he responding to your remarks to him?

I'm asking this because my husband has said some cruel and hateful things to me as well. However, once I calm down and we get through "the rough patch" I can see that I said some things that hurt him as well. In fact, there have been many fights that spiraled out of control simply because we were trying to "get back at each other".

Now, that being said.....if this is NOT the case and your husband is just plain' ol verbally abusive to you, then you need to really think things through. Do you think he would go futher than "verbal abuse"? If you think there is any chance at all of physical abuse, then get away to somewhere safe with your child. Don't let things get physical before you do something.

Hopefully things are not to that point. I hope that your husband is simply saying things because his own feelings are hurt. If that is the case, then you two will be able to sit down and work through this if you truly love each other.

Answer 4

It has been my experience that both of the parties in the marriage are responsible for its success or failure. You have written only about the way he has treated you. Are you saying that you have no responsibility in these arguments? All relationships come down to control. Who has it and the constant struggle for it. It seems that you have allowed your husband to be the controlling partner in this relationship. Why did he say that he hates you? Did this statement suddenly come out of the blue? Why did he call you a slob? I am not on his side, what he said was cruel and vindictive, but there seems to be more involved than just what you wrote. A successful marriage takes a lot of work on the behalf of both parties involved. He doesn't seem to want to try as hard as you do. I am sorry for your predicament. See if he would be amenable to seeing a marriage counselor with you. Remember, no hitting!

Answer 5

Until I got to the last of your details I was going to recommend marriage counsiling. But the slob and wasting 2 years changes that. Next stop should be a really good divorce lawyer and go for the maximum you can regarding child support. You might also consider moving to another even more favorable to leave the bum in the dust and terminate the feuding that will be bad for your child.

Answer 6

Well lots of answers already , lots of "opinions".
Everyone can steer your boat better than you can. Right?

Statistically, you will be in divorce court. A person who mistreats you the way he did, will likely not change and become someone with class. A man or woman should NEVER verbally abuse a spouse. Words can cut harder than physical violence sometimes. The scars of a physical fight go away after a while but the verbal stays for a long time.

Realistically, you need to decide if the relationship is worth keeping, and if the answer is yes.. then suggest counseling.
If he refuses, he is NOT interested in saving the marriage. BUT don't ask only once. Ask a few times, to give him time to "think" about it.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Wow is right. The first thing I would ask is, is this the first time he has been like this? Is he stressed out or has he been acting weird lately.
The reason why I ask is because he is either under alot of stress and is putting it out on you instead of talking to you about it, or, he is cheating on you and is trying to get you to leave.
When a couple experiences having a young child, it can do many things to the relationship itself, that could be what is going on with your husband.
The best thing you can do is simply ask him if he means what he has said, if he says yes, then simply pack your stuff up, enough to get you by for a week and then see what happens.
The truth will come out once you walk out that door if he means business or not.

Answer 8

Is this really fights you guys are having or is it something else. My ex used to say really hateful things to me like that only we never really faught. He would just come home from work like that. Sweet one minute hatefull the next. After constant putdowns from him I would sink to his level and call him an asshole after 20 minutes of tears because he is saying the most hurtful things to me (bad mother, piece of ****, no good, ****) you get the picture. I would not consider those fights though. He always told people we fight alot but that is just not the case. A fight is when people are agreeing to yell or do mean things to each other, not calling someone an *** hole after the purposefully made you feel so shitty you had to cry for a long time before you ever said a word to them. Anyway sorry leave him you will feel better about it one day I promise.

Answer 9

No one with any common sense would resort to using insults and profanity with someone they love, even if they are angry. It indicates a complete lack of respect and control. It was cruel and abusive. Yes, it does qualify as verbal abuse. This man reached the limit of his discussion and negotiation skills and decided to use hateful remarks to "put your in your place". This shows a lack of understanding and compassion.

If you have been fighting periodically and it has escalated to this, I dread to think what could be next.
You should discuss and agree on strategies that you will use when you have disagreements, but I am not sure at this point he can do that. If he will agree to counseling you might be able to open his eyes to how destructive this pattern is. If he becomes calm and seems to want to forget this incident I would insist that you discuss other ways to deal with disagreements. If he refuses then you may have to make another choicel.

Answer 10

I think you should take your child and keep it moving. He is obviusly harboring some serious issues and I would NEVER tolerate my spouse talking to me like that and sticking around to deal with it some more. He sounds like he feels trapped. I say get a divorce, child support and set the bastard free. THis does not sound like a house hold to raise a child in. The only ground you should be worshipping is that of your son.

Answer 11

Why did you get married? Is everyday like this? What made you fall in love with him and he with you? There are other issues that you haven't stated here that NOBODY would be able to give you a yes or no to divorce for your situation. Put the work into your marriage.