how do abusers or batterers choose their victims?

Question

is there a pattern?
or do they have similar background or any signs that we can look for?

Answer 1

abusers and batterers look for the weak to prey on.

Answer 2

I think abusers come from all walks of life , as well as victims
and where background and up bringing may not have been the best , its not an excuse , but you could expect there maybe a need for someone to learn the social and emotional skills they didnt have there to learn from while they were growing up ,
but a lot of people do learn them and can ,
and there are those from seemingly good upbringings who still become abusers so how to tell ?
I think as soon as you get the one sign then your already on the dodgy ground , thats where you need to stop it and walk the other way , rather than stick around for more clues !!


you cant abuse someone who does not allow it , I dont mean fighting back that's just a worse situation and one way or the other someone ends up a victim and the abuser ,


<"with a partner. They can not verbally, mentally, and emotionally mistreat you if you respect yourself enough to not allow people to mistreat you. There are a lot of reasons why we allow it from our culture, religion, upbringing, and dreams of being the perfect wife and mother (or husband and father). Yet the truth is, many people do NOT allow themselves to be mistreated and they AREN'T. They respect themselves too much to be a target , is all about--teaching you not to stand still for target practise any longer. " >

I quoted the above paragraph part of this answer from a site (link below) as it put what I wanted to say across better than I was attempting too.
I really dont want to cause offence to any one, I have been there myself .

I'm talking domestic / adult to adult type of abuse here , not child , stranger crimes etc complete different kettle of fish .I dont want to offend or under mind anyone in or been in a domestic abuse situation

I am NOT implying that the abuser isn't wrong ...and without the victim he would not be an abuser ,

The abuser is very wrong , and will be an abuser still wherever it is that allows it ,( and thats where he will be too )

I am trying to put across how we can help protect our self's as victims , on not becoming victims at all to these abusers .

Answer 3

It is definately a low self esteem and some kind of vulnerability they can exploit. I have done a lot of research into bullying, and it is well known that people who tend to be abused are people who are showing certain personality traits such as: depression, anxiety and contientiouness. These people will be submissive and will not stand up to a bully. Victims have isssues of helplessness, humiliation and fear, in which abusers control their victims with these emotions. This makes the abuser feel more powerful as the victim becomes more dependent and powerless. Abuse of occurs in a cycle:

Incident: Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional/neglect/finan... abuse)
Making up:
Abuser may apologize for abuse
Abuser may promise it will never happen again
Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims
Calm
Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
Physical abuse may not be taking place
Promises made during 'making-up' may be met
Victim may hope that the abuse is over
Abuser may give gifts to victim
Tension building
Abuser starts to get angry
Abuse may begin
There is a breakdown of communication
Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
Tension becomes too much
Victim feels like she/he is "walking on egg shells"

http://personalitydisorders.suite101.com/discussion.cfm/5913

Answer 4

I tend to think the first time the victim chosen is pretty much by convenience, then following that as the abuser becomes familiar with what they like they do look for the same kind of qualities in their other victims.
Sadly i dont think theres similarities between many abusers so it is very difficult to see any signs that may pre-warn us.

Answer 5

Lets not forget that the abused also have a part in this choice. People who are perpetually abused seek out people that will abuse them. This is not a conscious choice for the most part, but it is a choice. When the abused person realizes this simple fact they can take steps to seek out other types of people.

The abused and the abuser are like polar opposites, they are dramatically attracted to each other even if they don't fully understand why.

The abused seeks out someone to take care of them and that reliquishment of control to another person leads to corruption by the abuser.

The abuser is looking for someone to control, a classic abused person is the perfect person to control because they are so willing to follow someone else's will.

The pattern is that each will continue to seek out their opposite until they realize the patern and do something about it.

If someone has been in an abuseive relationship and not done anything to fix their negative thinking, they will more than likely end up in another one. So it isn't just knowing what to look for in a partner, it is also knowing yourself..

Some of the signs of an abuser include alienating the partner from their family and friends, having to have too much control in their partner's life, Verbal abuse, throwing things, abusing the animals or kids, abusing the victim, and previous history of being abusive. Any of these should be a red flag.

Answer 6

They prey on people who need saving.

Saving from poverty, a bad relationship or an unhappy past.
They then use that as a weapon to make their victim grateful that they have been rescued.The victim becomes so dependent on them emotionally that they feel that they can't break away. They are then abused physically & mentally.

Abusers need the weak to make themselves stronger.

I think they probably had a parent with the same trait.

I know, I live with one!

Answer 7

Strong willed people have nothing to do with abusers(cowards) so they (abusers) have only people in need to prey on.

Answer 8

Abusers are drawn to people who have
low self esteem,and who are often on a
low income.

Abusers want their victims to feel trapped,mentally,physically,and financially.

Answer 9

They must look for weakness

Answer 10

Trial and error.